Friday, January 29, 2010

washing machine

I was doing laundry yesterday and noticed a warning on the dryer. “The dryer must be used only for water washed fabrics.”

What?! Does that mean I can wash my fabrics in something else?! Are there washing machines hooked up to gas pumps or something?

I’m no laundry expert, but I was under the impression that people washed clothes with water. Sure it would be fun to wash your clothes with pineapple juice, but you can only lick pineapple clothes for so long until your tongue gets dry.

I don’t know what you’re using, but I’m going to keep using water. Just to be safe. I don’t want the dryer to eat my clothes after washing them in canola oil. Dryers love canola oil.

By the way, I hate coupons. I always remember I have them right after I finished paying for everything. Companies know this, so they keep sending me coupons. Just to taunt me. I think they are run by Cobra Command.

Also, the G.I. Joe movie was awesome. Anybody who tells you otherwise is a liar. Or under the control of Cobra Command. Either way, you should throw socks at them.

I’m off to do my laundry…with water!

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

baby, come back

A group of scientists gathered together in a dark room and discussed the needs of society. They found three things. Crispy M&Ms, Pop-Up Video and Doritos 3D.

Okay, so it wasn't scientists, it was just some website writing and article, but they are so right!

Crispy M&Ms?! They were awesome! I do think that Crystal Pepsi would go perfectly with Crispy M&Ms, so I will add that to my list. I call it the Crispy-Crystal Combo.

VH-1's Pop-Up Video was cool, but it needs to be done with movies and TV shows. That would be even cooler. And you should enjoy a Crispy-Crystal Combo while watching it.

And Doritos 3D...hmmm...technically, regular Doritos are not 2D, but they are flatish. So, the rounded, 3D ones were pretty cool. Now if they could make Doritos 4D, THAT would be different! Eating them might be an issue. I guess it depends on the time...and the space. (Have I used that joke before? I don't care. It's still funny!)

Is there anything you wish the world would bring back?

I'm off to get a Crispy-Crystal.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, January 25, 2010

run faster

Scientists have recently found that humans could possibly run as fast as 40 mph. Much faster than we originally thought. Our muscles can handle the strain up to that point. I guess if we ran faster than that, things would start breaking.

It's a good thing we can reach that speed because, as the study shows, "it's enough to escape a grizzly bear and much quicker than a T. Rex, which may have reached 18 mph during a good jog."

Now you have nothing to worry about! Got a bear after you? RUN! T. Rex shows up on your way to the bus? RUN! You can make it! You are much faster than a T. Rex!

Unless you are in a school zone. Then you might get eaten by the T. Rex. Of course, you have a lot of kids there to distract the T. Rex, so you might get away if you blend in with the crowd.

Yeah, you'll have to learn about Lewis and Clark again, but if you're lucky, you could be there for craft day. Nothing's better than paste and crayons.

I'm off to outrun a T. Rex.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, January 21, 2010

get a new phone

Most cell phone companies give you a deal on a new phone every 18 months. That means you probably get a new phone every 18 months, right?

Now, growing up, how long did you have your landline? I know one of the phones in my house was there my whole life. At least 20 years worth of use.

What does that tell you? Spending money on new stuff is awesome! Granted, I would LOVE to carry around a large rotary (look it up, kids) phone that connected to a cell tower, but they don't make that. It would be sweet to clunk that phone onto a table when it was ringing from ANY location!

Since we can't have that, we constantly have to get new phones. And these new phones don't last that long. They all break after a year or so. But that's okay because that phone was getting old, anyway. It probably didn't do half the cool stuff that your new phone does. Like turn into a robot and ride a unicycle.

At least, that's what I want my phone to do.

I would also like it to taste like cherries. Just in case I decide to chew on it. Which I might do on a warm summer's night.

I'm off to answer my phone.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

special election

I didn't want to talk about it until it was over because I didn't want to influence anybody's vote. But, now that the special election is done, we can examine what happened.

If you're curious, the person I voted for didn't win. Who did I vote for, you ask? The Hulk.

I know, I know...the Hulk didn't have a chance, but I really supported his views. He IS quoted as saying, "Hulk like candy," and "Hulk like unicorns," so I thought he was the best choice.

Just in case you missed the results, Spider-Man (the Arachnid candidate) is now the King of Myroomdia. Batman (the Eutheria you weren't expecting that one! Look it up, it's real!) was a close second and Hulk was a distant third.

I liked Spider-Man's plans for the Infinity Wars, but I couldn't get past the deal he made with Mephisto (google "spider-man mephisto deal" and you'll understand).

I didn't like Batman at all. Especially his security measures of having a base on the moon and satellites watching our every move. He also talked a lot about healthy eating and exercising. That was boring.

No, I didn't forget about Darth Vader, but I don't think ANYBODY voted for him. He IS pretty evil, so I HOPE nobody voted for him.

I'm off to play in Myroomdia.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

crime fighter

I was watching the news and saw a "crime fighter" on TV! That's right! Crime Fighter!

It was actually a kid. And he didn't even wear a cape. But he was doing hero stuff.

He created a website about stopping violence in Springfield. Which is cool because Springfield has violence that should be stopped because violence is bad.

The great thing was that the news called him a crime fighter! On bar at the bottom of the screen where says a person's name and description, it had his name (which I forget) and description. Description of a crime fighter!

That's almost as cool as having the description of super hero! And it might even be tied with the description of muppet!

I would like my name on the news. It would look like this.

Totally Awesome

And I would talk to the news about how I'm totally awesome.

I'm off to fight some crime.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, January 14, 2010


A woman in Florida has a snowball in her freezer. Not the edible cake kind, but an actual made-out-of-water snowball. And she's had it since 1977.

Why? Don't know. She DID say, "It's just like a little pet." know...

If you're lucky(?), she'll take it out of the freezer and show it to you. Because that's what any good party needs. A snowball from the 70s.

I imagine that in the 70s, if somebody said, "Can I get a snowball," they didn't mean an actual snowball. I don't know what they MIGHT have meant, but it probably involved disco or something.

A snowball in the freezer. That's just weird. It's like when people tell you to keep milk in the fridge. It's not like it started out cold! It's just a conspiracy!

At least I know I'm normal with a palm tree in my oven.

I'm off to get a snowball.



Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I'm sure I've mentioned in the past that I enjoy peanut butter and spinach sandwiches. They are VERY good. And good for you!

Also, I tried peanut butter and Nutella a few weeks ago. I never had Nutella before. That was ALSO very good!

SO! I decided to combine all those good things today! Do you know what happened? I had a great lunch!

Peanut butter, Nutella and spinach sandwiches are so good! But they need a catchy name. Otherwise, people won't believe me.

This is all I got so far:




spinach crunchy, peanut buttery, hazelnutty, chocolate yummy sandwich

or PBNS (peanut butter, nutella, spinach)'s a tough sell. Let me know if you have a better idea. Please.

I'm off to eat a nutespinapeanut butter sandwich.



Monday, January 11, 2010


I think this is a scam. There's a guy in New York who runs an invisible donkey removal service. For $300, he will send an invisible donkey exterminator to your home and remove up to 15 invisible donkeys and send them to an invisible farm in upstate New York.

I don't know if that means the exterminator is invisible of if it is a real person who just exterminates invisible donkeys.

It's gotta be a scam because why would you want to get rid of your invisible donkeys?!

Invisible kids love to ride invisible donkeys. They also work well in invisible fields. Fill up your invisible cart, and your invisible donkey will cart it!

So you see? Invisible donkeys are VERY useful!

On an unrelated note, I give really good relationship advice. I can't tell you what happened because it is somebody else's personal life, but I'm pretty sure I'm a relationship genius. So, if you have any relationship questions, you should ask me. I can help.

I'm off to check on my invisible farm.



Friday, January 8, 2010


I don't know how I missed this, but apparently Superman was the Inspector General of Homeland Security once. Of course, he went by the name Clark Kent...Ervin...but still.

I like to follow the news now, but back then, I didn't care that much. Lately, I've been hearing a lot from Clark Kent Ervin and he is now the head of the Homeland Security Program at the Aspen Institute.

His name really is Clark Kent Ervin. His older brother told his parents that they should name the new baby after his favorite super hero. They did. This is why his parents are awesome.

This is ALSO why children should name babies. It's WAY cooler!

Good names for babies: Batman, Spider-Man, Nightwing, Hulk, Nova and Rocket Raccoon.

Now, Clark Kent...Ervin...goes by that name. Obviously because he knows how cool it is to BE CLARK KENT! (ervin)

Would I like to meet him someday?


Will I rip open his shirt to see if he has a costume on underneath?

I'd consider it, but since he's Superman AND part of Homeland Security, I feel like my chances of getting away from that situation unharmed are pretty slim.

But I like those odds.

I'm off to Aspen.



Wednesday, January 6, 2010

you got wing chun in my musical!

If you didn't know, "wing chun" is a form of martial arts. It's what got Bruce Lee interested in martial arts in the first place.

And now, they are making a musical about Bruce Lee! FINALLY!

I've been saying for years that every good musical needs a kung fu fight scene. It took the artistic world long enough to catch up with my vision.

I believe they're already working on a few songs.

Everybody Wing Chun Tonight

Jeet Kune Don't Go Breakin My Heart

and Go Your Own Way Of The Fist

Okay, so those were lame jokes, but you gotta admit, martial arts musicals are going to rock.

Music Man could become Music Man of the Dragon.

Oklahoma! could be Oklahoma: The Way of the Fist.

And Wicked would be Wicked Awesome. Just because it would have wicked awesome fight scenes. And wicked awesome songs about fighting.

For those of you who thought theatre was dead, you just got a wake up call in the form of a crane kick to the head. And a leopard punch to the gut.

I'm off to work on my kung fu.



Tuesday, January 5, 2010

more weird dreams

I had another dream. I don't know if it's a prediction of the future or not, but I had Blue's Clues pajamas on.

Here's what happened. I was on the island on the show "LOST" and the "others" were shooting arrows at me. Then, I went into a flashback. Or a flashforward. I'm not sure. I just know I flashed something.

In the flash, I was in pajamas. They were bright red pants and a white shirt with red sleeves. On the white part was a picture of Blue!

I don't even know if they make these pajamas. Let alone make them for adults. But I had them!

They were pretty awesome.

That's about all that I remember.

So I guess the dream wasn't all that great. At least I had on some kickin pajamas. And I was on Lost. Dodging arrows.

Also, I microwaved a sweet potato yesterday. It was fantastic.

I'm off to eat a potato in my pj's.



Monday, January 4, 2010

pant coat

Why are our legs so durable? It's been cold lately and I bet that, most of the time, you will put on a jacket and gloves and maybe a wool cap before you go out. But why not anything extra on your legs?

I may put on thermal underwear when I know I'm going to be out for a long time. But how come my legs don't get cold when I'm walking from my car to the store? If I only had a shirt on and no jacket, I would be freezing!

Our legs are pretty amazing (mine are incredible, by the way). It's too bad our whole bodies aren't leg material. We wouldn't need so many layers in the winter.

I guess we should be thankful about our leg-warmth. We don't have to wear leg-coats or snow pants all the time. That makes dancing easier. And dancing outside in the winter is probably my third favorite thing to do.

I'm off to dance in the street. Woh, oh, oh, oh.



Friday, January 1, 2010

the future is now

By that, of course, I mean digital comic books. I try to stay away from my obsession when writing my blog, but I just HAVE to tell you about this!

I’m sure you’ve heard of Spider-Man, Iron Man, The Hulk and the Fantastic Four. They’ve all had movies. As you know, they started as comic books in the Marvel Comic Universe.

Well! A while back, I got a subscription to their digital comics AND IT IS AWESOME! They have a bunch of old comic books and newer comic books online and they look amazing!

I have been reading comics nonstop this week. You should join. I haven’t had time to check my email or Facebook or anything. I mean, who cares what somebody is doing when Nova is saving the universe! YES! THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE! THANK YOU, NOVA!

Should I find out what people are eating for dinner or what present they got on Farmville, OR read about the Avengers battling Ultron to save Earth? AVENGERS!

My new year’s resolution is to get other comic book companies to put their comics online. You will never have another dull moment in life. You will never be bored again. Heck, you might just have to quit your job so you can read comic books all day. EVERY DAY!

It’s going to be a good year!

I’m off to read more digital comics.