Monday, June 22, 2009

where we're going, washing machines don't need clothes

I am not making this story up. Seriously, this time, I'm totally telling the truth. There is a washing machine that can travel through time. They call it a Kelvinator.

This guy is selling his old 1980's Kelvinator washing machine online. He says that it shakes so violently that it can open windows into other dimensions. One time, he saw a land of dinosaurs. Above his washing machine. While his whites were getting whiter and his brights were getting brighter.

Ok, so I can't confirm the whiter/brighter part, but I do believe that he looked into another dimension. Or possibly the past!

Back when washing machines shook a lot more, people would lose their left sock all the time. Remember those days? Well, this explains it! Washing machines can open time warps! Warps that are just big enough for a left sock to go through!

Why do you think kids fall asleep on the washing machine? Because while it is running, your baby is replaced by your other-dimensional baby who is already asleep! It makes perfect sense!

Unfortunately, they don't make washing machines with plutonium and flux capacitors anymore. Something about it being unsafe for kids.

So, if you want to do your laundry AND get a pet dinosaur, this might be the machine for you. Otherwise, you can just watch your clothes spin around. I guess that's cool too.

Not as cool as a dinosaur, though.

I'm off to get my washing machine up to 88 spins per second.

Enjoy!

-DJ

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