wash your nose

Have you ever been washing your face and stuck your finger up your nose? IT HURTS! I guess I wash my face to vigorously. But now my nose is clean. That's a first.

OH! Did you see that there is a movie about cowboys fighting aliens?! And there is going to be ANOTHER movie coming out with dinosaurs fighting aliens!

Now my world would be complete if we could get dinosaurs vs. aliens vs. cowboys vs. ninjas vs. robots!

THAT is a movie that I would see! Put that in 3-D and you have a HIT!

Give everybody lasers and swords and stuff! Especially the dinosaurs. I want them to win the fight. Mostly because they look cool when they have swords and lasers.

But partly because dinosaurs are HUGE AND WILL RULE THE WORLD! And build GIANT NINJA-ROBOT-DINOSAURS!

That is all.

I'm off to wash my face...if my dinosaur overlords allow it.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

genius comes in a cartoon

Animal Mechanical is a kiddie show that I just saw for the first time the other day. I had NO idea what this show was about, but I didn't care. It has the BEST CAST EVER!

First, they have a dinosaur.

Second, they have a unicorn.

THIRD! THEY ARE BOTH ROBOTS!

WHAT?! How come I never thought of this before! Three of the COOLEST things combined in one place for me!

And the unicorn can fly!

Holy magical excitement!

I can only imagine this writer pitching the show.

Writer: "So, I have this idea. Let's have a team of animals with a T-Rex and a unicorn."

Executive: "I like it so far. What else can you give me?"

Writer: "You might want to sit down for this part. They. Are. All. Robots."

Executive: "GALUMPUS! I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And thus, history was made.

I'm off to galumpus.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

secret agents

I always KNEW that the government had secret agents, but did you know that they have secret, SECRET agents?

Like a chupacabra? If you don't know, a chupa is kinda like a vampire, hyena-looking-ish creature that drinks the blood of goats. Most people thought they didn't exist, but they do. The government has them. Well, they WORK for the government, at least.

Obama put one in Arizona to "encourage" them to repeal the new immigration law. It's true! I read the news story online!

I'm pretty sure the government also has dinosaurs working for it. I saw a picture once of Obama riding a triceratops to work.

And Rahm Emanuel has a unicorn that he races with on the weekends. He doesn't ride the unicorn. They race each other. Rahm is very fast.

Oh, and there's an unconfirmed report that General Patraeus has an army of centaurs. Just in case they are needed...for something.

I thought this only happened in comic books! I didn't know it was real! (And it does happen in comic books. For related stories about "mythical" creatures working for the government, feel free to read the comic books "Proof" and "Perhapanauts.")

I'm off to race a unicorn.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

dino tree

Why aren't dinosaurs a regular part of Christmas? Or Hanukkah? Or any of the other winter holidays?

I think that they should be part of the festivities somehow. Maybe you can put a T-Rex on the top of the tree or something. Get a few of those big lawn displays of a brachiosaurus with a Santa cap on.

That would be awesome.

I wish I could decorate the skeletal structure of a stegosaurus instead of a tree.

OH! And Santa could have eight velociraptors! That would be hard core!

I think I'll write my senate representative.

Dear Senate,

Dinosaurs are cool.

xoxo,
Me

I'm off to work on my letter.

Enjoy!

-DJ

summer hike

I saw Santa the other day. He was hiking through West Springfield.

How did I know he was hiking? He had a large hiking stick. And he was wearing hiking clothes. I think he was hiking for car parts because he was standing in front of a car parts store. I don't know what Santa needs car parts for. Especially since he is such an avid hiker. Maybe he was doing some shopping for you.

I wanted to ask him for stuff, but I was in my car and didn't have a good spot to turn around. He was probably tired from hiking, anyway. Still, it would have been nice to get my requests in early. I know it might take a while to build a giant robot dinosaur, so I don't want him to feel rushed.

I also didn't have my list prepared. It's not like I was expecting him to hike through town in the summer.

Did you see him hiking the other day? Did you give him your list? Lucky. You're always prepared, aren't you. Fine. Maybe you'll get your giant robot dinosaur and I'll just get a dolphin.

Again.

You don't have to be such a showoff.

I'm off to get my list ready.

Enjoy!

-DJ

where we're going, washing machines don't need clothes

I am not making this story up. Seriously, this time, I'm totally telling the truth. There is a washing machine that can travel through time. They call it a Kelvinator.

This guy is selling his old 1980's Kelvinator washing machine online. He says that it shakes so violently that it can open windows into other dimensions. One time, he saw a land of dinosaurs. Above his washing machine. While his whites were getting whiter and his brights were getting brighter.

Ok, so I can't confirm the whiter/brighter part, but I do believe that he looked into another dimension. Or possibly the past!

Back when washing machines shook a lot more, people would lose their left sock all the time. Remember those days? Well, this explains it! Washing machines can open time warps! Warps that are just big enough for a left sock to go through!

Why do you think kids fall asleep on the washing machine? Because while it is running, your baby is replaced by your other-dimensional baby who is already asleep! It makes perfect sense!

Unfortunately, they don't make washing machines with plutonium and flux capacitors anymore. Something about it being unsafe for kids.

So, if you want to do your laundry AND get a pet dinosaur, this might be the machine for you. Otherwise, you can just watch your clothes spin around. I guess that's cool too.

Not as cool as a dinosaur, though.

I'm off to get my washing machine up to 88 spins per second.

Enjoy!

-DJ

rocket-powered babies

So at first, this story seems serious, but if you ignore all the bad stuff, it's actually pretty funny.

Rocket fuel in baby formula. Sounds dangerous, but in my imagination, it sounds awesome. It's probably not good for kids to eat rocket fuel, but what if it turns little kids into rockets? I mean, this sort of thing happens in comic books all the time. A kid is raised on rocket fuel and becomes ROCKET BOY! THE SAVIOR OF THE SPACEWAY!

I say we let these kids drink rocket fuel! Imagine if your babies had little rockets form on their feet. They could jet you off to work in the morning AND get to daycare in, like, 5 minutes! Saving TONS of time from your commute.

THEN! If a giant robot dinosaur rampages across the city, rocket baby can fly up to it and shoot rocket plasma from his or her hands and melt Ellington the Evil Robot Dinosaur! And the rocket babies save the world again!

I say "again" because last week they had to destroy Benito the Angry Tree.

I just want to make sure the Center for Disease Control knows what they're doing. Do they want to have normal babies OR do they want an army of rocket babies that save the world?

I know what I would pick.

I'm off to eat some rocket fuel.

Enjoy!

-DJ

the greatest prize

The lottery here in America isn't bad. A lot of people win money. I won a dollar the other day. I felt pretty awesome. Of course, one dollar isn't as cool as winning an island.

Yeh Chien-wei is a 4-year-old boy who won the lottery in Taipei last week. He won the use of an uninhabited island for five trips over five months.

You know what that means? Kool-Aid beach party at Yeh's place!

I could totally see this as a movie premise. Yeh and his family go to the island only to find out it is haunted by dinosaur ghosts. Yeh becomes friends with a ghost T-Rex named Teddy, who will look cute and friendly so it's more marketable. Yeh visits the island for years and grows up with Teddy and all his other dinosaur friends. Until one day, Yeh is all grown up and life gets in the way of him visiting the island. When he finally returns, he can't find Teddy. And we're left to wonder if they were ever real at all. Ooooooh.

I think they were. Of course, I'm pretty much a fan of anything with dinosaurs and want them to still exist. Or robots. I like them too.

Hopefully this will be made into a movie. Starring me, so I can get paid for my idea.

Oh, and I think I'll call it, "Dinosaur Island!"

My next movie idea involves robot ghosts. On a fjord. I'll call it "Ghost Fjord!"

Sometimes I amaze myself.

This is not one of those times.

I'm off to play the lottery.

Enjoy!

-DJ

off of the center

I've had a weird few days. I have been feeling a little light-headed. On the plus side, I got new socks. They have dinosaurs on them. Roar.

I think the equal in in my equilibrium is off. I know it's spelled differently, but I still like the joke.

Have you ever sat in your chair and felt like your legs were tilting one way and your torso is staying still? That's what it feels like. Like my legs are on a boat and my body is on a plane. Which SOUNDS fun...and it actually kinda is. Even though I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to feel like that.

So, I'm not sure what could be wrong with me. I looked it up on Web MD and I don't like their answers.

Lucie thinks I'm pregnant. I'm not sure if that is true. I have a feeling it is not, though I can't be sure. I should get one of those sticks with a plus and minus sign.

MY theory is that I've accidentally become a gateway to another dimension and my body is adjusting to the transition. I only hope it's a fun dimension. Maybe one where EVERYBODY has dinosaur socks. Mine are green with little, black brontosauruses. (I know what you’re going to say, “We're supposed to call it an apatosaurus now.” But really, brontosaurus is so much cooler.)

Oh, it's also thought that my blood-sugar is just low. I like that idea. I should probably eat some candy to get sugar. Yeah. I like that medicine.

I'm off to eat a cookie...for my health!

Enjoy!

-DJ