I don't know what's going on in Detroit, but bacon is not an adhesive bandage. I mean, I'm pretty sure it isn't. I guess I could be wrong.
It turns out doctors have, in fact, used bacon to stop massive nose bleeding. YUP! You have to stick bacon up your nose!
Now, kids...don't stick stuff up your nose. Not bacon or marbles or anything deep fried, without your parents permission.
Parents, if you permit your kids to stick bacon and marbles and anything deep fried up their nose...I'm not sure if you're the greatest or the worst parents ever.
So if you're looking for some sort of bleeding-stopper at the store and you find "nose bacon" on the shelf, you may want to try it.
If you find some "ear sausages" on the shelf, you...wait...where are you?!
What are these stores you go to?!
That's just weird stuff. If you EVER need me to buy stuff for you, I'm not going to your freaky pig-body part stores.
I'm not into that sort of thing.
I don't want to know where a pork rind might go. I don't even know what a "rind" is. And I don't WANT to know.
I'm off to stop the bleeding.