I don't know what's going on in Detroit, but bacon is not an adhesive bandage. I mean, I'm pretty sure it isn't. I guess I could be wrong.
It turns out doctors have, in fact, used bacon to stop massive nose bleeding. YUP! You have to stick bacon up your nose!
Now, kids...don't stick stuff up your nose. Not bacon or marbles or anything deep fried, without your parents permission.
Parents, if you permit your kids to stick bacon and marbles and anything deep fried up their nose...I'm not sure if you're the greatest or the worst parents ever.
So if you're looking for some sort of bleeding-stopper at the store and you find "nose bacon" on the shelf, you may want to try it.
If you find some "ear sausages" on the shelf, you...wait...where are you?!
What are these stores you go to?!
That's just weird stuff. If you EVER need me to buy stuff for you, I'm not going to your freaky pig-body part stores.
I'm not into that sort of thing.
I don't want to know where a pork rind might go. I don't even know what a "rind" is. And I don't WANT to know.
I'm off to stop the bleeding.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label sausage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sausage. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
the city of homes
I was talking to the traffic guy at work this morning and he asked me what Springfield was called. I told him it was the "City of Homes." I guess he didn't believe me because when we spoke a little later, he told me I was right...after he looked it up online.
Yeah. He thought it was so dumb that I was making a joke. As if I were saying it's the city of trees because it has trees in it. No. Sacramento is the city of trees.
Where did these nicknames come from? Did one of the founders look over Springfield and say, "I see a lot of homes here. You could, in fact, say that it is a city of homes."
To which his companion/sidekick would say, "I agree sir, but wouldn't that be true of all cities?"
And our founder would reply, "No. Only my town has homes. All the others have houses. No sausage for you tonight."
People were mean back then.
Are you interested in some of the other nicknames for our Western Mass cities? Grand! I will tell you!
West Springfield: West Side! Yeah...because it's the west side of Springfield. Another brilliant observation.
Amherst: (there are actually two...and they are gems) A-town and The Herst. Wow...really? Ok, so let's start off with "The Herst." Did somebody think that was cool in, like, 1983?
"Yo, I'm stoked to the max that I'm going to The Herst today. Totally."
Riiiiiight...and I don't even want to start with "A-town." I'm guessing that was an insult because it looks too much like another "a-" word.
Northampton: (another twofer) Hamp and NoHo. Hamp is about as cool as Herst. Scratch that. Hamp about as bodacious as Herst. I'm pretty sure they just stole NoHo from New York.
The final two that I have today are nothing special but I will give them honorable mentions because they are good from a business point of view.
Holyoke is Paper City and Westfield is Whip City. Holyoke is a good supplier of paper and Westfield sells a lot of whips. Which, for some reason, are still in demand even though nobody rides horses. I can't figure that out. I'll have to look it up.
So there you have it. I don't want you to think I'm making fun of Western Mass. I just wanted to keep it local. I could do this all day if I looked at every city in America. Remember Sacramento? It's the city of Trees. Wait...are you saying there are trees there? WOW! That's some keen observational skills! (heavy on the Sacramento sarcasm)
I'm off to The Herst...because it is rad to the max.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Yeah. He thought it was so dumb that I was making a joke. As if I were saying it's the city of trees because it has trees in it. No. Sacramento is the city of trees.
Where did these nicknames come from? Did one of the founders look over Springfield and say, "I see a lot of homes here. You could, in fact, say that it is a city of homes."
To which his companion/sidekick would say, "I agree sir, but wouldn't that be true of all cities?"
And our founder would reply, "No. Only my town has homes. All the others have houses. No sausage for you tonight."
People were mean back then.
Are you interested in some of the other nicknames for our Western Mass cities? Grand! I will tell you!
West Springfield: West Side! Yeah...because it's the west side of Springfield. Another brilliant observation.
Amherst: (there are actually two...and they are gems) A-town and The Herst. Wow...really? Ok, so let's start off with "The Herst." Did somebody think that was cool in, like, 1983?
"Yo, I'm stoked to the max that I'm going to The Herst today. Totally."
Riiiiiight...and I don't even want to start with "A-town." I'm guessing that was an insult because it looks too much like another "a-" word.
Northampton: (another twofer) Hamp and NoHo. Hamp is about as cool as Herst. Scratch that. Hamp about as bodacious as Herst. I'm pretty sure they just stole NoHo from New York.
The final two that I have today are nothing special but I will give them honorable mentions because they are good from a business point of view.
Holyoke is Paper City and Westfield is Whip City. Holyoke is a good supplier of paper and Westfield sells a lot of whips. Which, for some reason, are still in demand even though nobody rides horses. I can't figure that out. I'll have to look it up.
So there you have it. I don't want you to think I'm making fun of Western Mass. I just wanted to keep it local. I could do this all day if I looked at every city in America. Remember Sacramento? It's the city of Trees. Wait...are you saying there are trees there? WOW! That's some keen observational skills! (heavy on the Sacramento sarcasm)
I'm off to The Herst...because it is rad to the max.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)