meat doesn't go there

I don't know what's going on in Detroit, but bacon is not an adhesive bandage. I mean, I'm pretty sure it isn't. I guess I could be wrong.

It turns out doctors have, in fact, used bacon to stop massive nose bleeding. YUP! You have to stick bacon up your nose!

Now, kids...don't stick stuff up your nose. Not bacon or marbles or anything deep fried, without your parents permission.

Parents, if you permit your kids to stick bacon and marbles and anything deep fried up their nose...I'm not sure if you're the greatest or the worst parents ever.

So if you're looking for some sort of bleeding-stopper at the store and you find "nose bacon" on the shelf, you may want to try it.

If you find some "ear sausages" on the shelf, you...wait...where are you?!

What are these stores you go to?!

That's just weird stuff. If you EVER need me to buy stuff for you, I'm not going to your freaky pig-body part stores.

I'm not into that sort of thing.

I don't want to know where a pork rind might go. I don't even know what a "rind" is. And I don't WANT to know.

I'm off to stop the bleeding.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

i have no idea what is going on here

I saw the strangest thing. D'Noddy Oh. That's all I know about it. I got a Roku player for Christmas (thanks Chris!). It has a lot free channels and a lot of pay channels. Some of the pay channels let you watch clips or something from their programming.

There is a channel for toddlers with a few clips that I can watch for free. Since I'm a HUGE fan of toddler television, I decided to check it out.

This was...weird...but I have to watch it over and over again. I can't stop!

D'Noddy Oh is a cat superimposed on different backgrounds while she's rolling around.

And some guy is singing the whole time.

So it starts normal with her on a cloud (trust me, that's normal for this). Then on grass. Which is normal for cats.

Then it starts to get weird when she is on a sphinx head. And finally, she is on...it seems to be a green cloud of fairy dust and marbles...floating to the moon.

Suddenly! It ends all angry! Out of nowhere, D'Noddy Oh gets so mad that she starts attacking party streamers!

Why D'Noddy OH?! WHY?!?!?!

Oh...and then there's the guy with the bat wings.

This is my life. That and upside down peanut butter. More on that later.

Please, feel free to watch it. Don't blame me if you need therapy.

http://amebatv.com/blog/?portfolio=spend-time-with-dnoddy-oh

I'm off to D'Noddy Oh, whatever that means.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

bored?

I found this list of things to do when you're bored. I don't know who made this up, but it is some of the strangest stuff I have ever seen.

And I think I love them.

Thing #2: Fry up some marbles and make marble jewelry. Apparently, you can't eat them. My dentist told me that, so I know it's true. BUT! You can fry them and crack them to make jewelry. It does not work as well with chicken. Because the jewelry is too tasty. And it doesn't work well with rubber. Because frying them is very smelly.

Thing #4: Adopt a word. I guess this means you adopt a word. I don't know if there is paperwork to sign or if you're allowed to adopt words from Malawi, but I can't see why not. This is good for those holiday parties coming up. You can impress your friends with your newly adopted word.

Friend: "How are things?"

You: "Great! I just finished all the paperwork for the adoption process!"

Friend: "Wow! I didn't know you were adopting!"

You: "Yep. I just adopted defenestrate. I figured that nobody was really caring for that word. I mean, it's not like you hear it every day. So, I wanted to give it some love and attention."

Friend: "Ooooookay."

You: "DEFENESTRATE!"

Maybe you could adopt a third world word for somebody as a gift. For only a dollar a day, I will use that word. All the money will go to me so your word will get the care it needs.

And rice. I think words like rice.

I'm off to adopt a word.

Enjoy!

-DJ

brains and brawn

You might want to move to Berlin. If you like chessboxing, that is!

What is chessboxing? I'm glad you asked. It's chess...and boxing.

Basically, two guys (there may be a female division, I'm not sure. that would require research, and I just don't have the time to check facts) are in a ring with a chess board in the middle. They play chess for four minutes. Then the bell rings. The board in moved and they box for three minutes. Then the bell rings. The board is replaced. Chess for another four minutes.

This happens until either one of the players is either knocked out by a punch or by a check-mate.

Wow. Who would have ever thought of this? I know I'm not familiar with the Berlin culture, but what put it in their head to combine these two sports? I gotta say, once that wall came down, things started going willy nilly. That wall separated good solid ideas like chess on one side and boxing on the other. Nowadays...sheesh! I mean, what other types of sordid relationships will come about!

I'm glad you asked...again...

Pogwrestling: Remember pogs? I do. You play with them for 4 minutes. Then wrestle each other. What fun!

Marbleskating: How about this challenge! You are on ice, skating around a big circle, and you have to flick that big marble into it and get the little marbles out of it! (that is the point of marbles, right? I never quite got it.)

Archeryjenga: You have to shoot the arrows at a jenga tower. You knock out different blocks and the first person to make it collapse loses! Ha! Not bad, right?

UltimateFightingCandyland: Now this game you gotta see. Mad card-flippin action happens until one of the players lands on a trap. As soon as they land on a trap, the players beat the snot out of each other for 3 minutes. Then the game continues. People bring candy, too. It's awesome.

Finally, HockeySweeping: Oh wait...they already play that in Canada...it's called curling. heh heh heh...canadians...

Feel free to come up with your own game combos. I'm sure they'll be better than mine. Well...maybe not better than the candyland one. Tell me you wouldn't go watch that. I know you would. You might not admit it to your friends and family, but when you bump into them at the show, you'll all be cheering for the chocolate swamp, gum drop mountain and princess lolly.

I'm off to see if anybody still sells pogs.

Enjoy!

-DJ