I don't know what's going on in Detroit, but bacon is not an adhesive bandage. I mean, I'm pretty sure it isn't. I guess I could be wrong.
It turns out doctors have, in fact, used bacon to stop massive nose bleeding. YUP! You have to stick bacon up your nose!
Now, kids...don't stick stuff up your nose. Not bacon or marbles or anything deep fried, without your parents permission.
Parents, if you permit your kids to stick bacon and marbles and anything deep fried up their nose...I'm not sure if you're the greatest or the worst parents ever.
So if you're looking for some sort of bleeding-stopper at the store and you find "nose bacon" on the shelf, you may want to try it.
If you find some "ear sausages" on the shelf, you...wait...where are you?!
What are these stores you go to?!
That's just weird stuff. If you EVER need me to buy stuff for you, I'm not going to your freaky pig-body part stores.
I'm not into that sort of thing.
I don't want to know where a pork rind might go. I don't even know what a "rind" is. And I don't WANT to know.
I'm off to stop the bleeding.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label bacon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bacon. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Thursday, November 19, 2009
really? bacon again?
Do people really need everything to taste like bacon? Couldn't they have picked something yummy like cherries? Or sugar?
Mmmvelopes are envelopes that have a "bacon design" and when you lick the glue to seal the envelope, you get the taste of bacon in your mouth.
If I never wanted to use the mail again, I would buy these. Do people really like bacon THAT much?!
I did create "flavored glue" for envelopes for a science project once. I don't remember what I called them, but I put Kool-Aid onto the glue so you could taste grape when you licked it. They didn't really work. Maybe I should have made them bacon-flavored.
Perhaps I should make bacon bagels. And bacon coffee. And bacon gummy bears. Bacon is where the money is.
If money tasted like bacon, I bet more people would eat it. I wouldn't, so I would be the richest person in the world. Except, I would never carry money around because I don't want to smell like bacon. It's a Catch-22.
Don't ask me why.
I'm off to bring home the bacon.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Mmmvelopes are envelopes that have a "bacon design" and when you lick the glue to seal the envelope, you get the taste of bacon in your mouth.
If I never wanted to use the mail again, I would buy these. Do people really like bacon THAT much?!
I did create "flavored glue" for envelopes for a science project once. I don't remember what I called them, but I put Kool-Aid onto the glue so you could taste grape when you licked it. They didn't really work. Maybe I should have made them bacon-flavored.
Perhaps I should make bacon bagels. And bacon coffee. And bacon gummy bears. Bacon is where the money is.
If money tasted like bacon, I bet more people would eat it. I wouldn't, so I would be the richest person in the world. Except, I would never carry money around because I don't want to smell like bacon. It's a Catch-22.
Don't ask me why.
I'm off to bring home the bacon.
Enjoy!
-DJ
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