Tuesday, March 30, 2010

moon water

There is water on the moon. They found it last year. Since then, scientists have been studying the water and found that it comes in three different flavors!

Here they are: Nearly Pure Crater Ice, Fluffy Mix Of Ice Crystals And Dirt, and Thin Layer That Comes And Goes All Across The Surface Of The Moon.

You may not remember this, but each one of those was once a Kool-Aid flavor. Unfortunately, the names weren't catchy enough, so they went with Purplesaurus Rex.

THAT is why the moon needs to change the names of its water flavors. Luckily for the moon, I have suggestions.

Nearly Pure Crater Ice can simply become Crater Ice. It has a nice ring to it. And I think it should be clear colored.

Fluffy Mix Of Ice Crystals And Dirt can become Fluffy Crystals. Make it neon orange and you have a drink!

Finally, Thin Layer That...whatever...can be Moonasaurus Rex. And make it purple.

Okay, so I kinda stole that from Kool-Aid. But it's so cool to have dinosaur names! I just couldn't help myself!

I don't actually know what each flavor of moon-water tastes like, but in my head they taste like cotton candy and caramel. Maybe cherry, too.

I'm off to drink some moon.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, March 29, 2010

friendly shopping

I figured it out! Organic cereal!

I may have mentioned in the past that people will talk to me in public places. I'm pretty sure they don't know me because they don't mention my name or anything. They just start talking about stuff. I finally figured it out. It happens in supermarkets. More specifically, when I'm looking at cereal in the organic section.

I don't know why. It happened again this weekend. I was looking at cereal and a lady came up to me to ask me about which ones I liked. Then the conversation goes to other foods. Then it ends.

I guess I can't really be mad at people for talking to me. I just don't understand why it happens. I mean, they ask me about which cereals are good and I tell them I look for the ones with the highest organic sugar content.

I'm not looking for healthy or anything. I just support clean, sustainable farming...of sugar. I don't want to ruin the earth because if we do, we might not be able to grow more sugar. And without sugar, well...that's just something I don't want to think about.

OH! Have you seen those organic gummy bears! OH! EM! GEE! They are amazing!

So if you are going to start talking to me in the store, let's cut to the chase. We can talk about candy, but leave tea out of it (pun intended).

I'm off to get an organic sugar high.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, March 26, 2010

uncle obama

So the president, Barack Obama, just in case you didn't know, has been talking about health care and other blah, blah, blah.

For some reason, he mentioned a bookstore in the cleverly named Iowa City. Which is a city in Iowa. Near the Iowa River. At the base of the Iowa Mountain Range.

Okay, that last part is a lie, but seriously, Iowa City? That's how creative they got? Whatever. Just because it was 1839 doesn't mean they couldn't have looked up better names online. That's just lazy regional planning.

He went to this bookstore to buy some books. He bought two books for his daughters AND he bought a book for Robert Gibbs' son. Little Gibbs got a Star Wars pop-up book! NICE!

It looks like Robert is raising a little Star Wars geek. Now that's good parenting! And to have an uncle like Barack buy you books like that is pretty rad.

Pop-up books are awesome. They're like 3-D movies in book form. You don't even have to wear special glasses! Yoda just gets out of the book and is all "May the Force be with you" in your face!

I'm surprised Iowa City can handle that much awesomeness with such a lame name. I guess they can't be that bad. They are the "2nd best small metro area for business/careers," so that's something.

I'm off to pop up.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, March 25, 2010

dog truck

I'm not sure if this was real or not. You know those times when you see things or go places or marry someone and you're not entirely sure if it was a dream or something that happened in real life? This is one of those times.

I was getting into my car and looked out the window. When I looked out, I saw the back of a flatbed truck go by with a bunch of dogs on it.

Not real dogs. Statues. They looked like they were made out of snow or porcelain or styrofoam (aka extruded polystyrene foam).

As soon as I saw it, the truck was passing my building. I tried to get out in time to catch up, but it was too late. OR, it was never even there.

Why would I see polystyrene dogs? Is there a medical term for that? Should I see a doctor? What does a doctor look like?! What do I do?! Why can't I say the word polystyrene?!?!

Okay, I have to calm down because I'm doing my taxes today. At least, I hope to get them done. Unless the dogs come after me.

I'm off to not-so-easy file.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

tasty war

Did you hear about the Chili Grenade?! Oh. My. Grover! It's a grenade filled with the world's hottest chili pepper. The Bhut Jolokia.

Do you know what this grenade tastes good on? EVERYTHING! Chips, rice, cake, peanut butter...anything, really!

They say it will burn your eyes and give you breathing problems. That's pretty much what you look for in a chili pepper, isn't it?

I say, forget using it for crowd control. Use it for dinner!

I may change my mind if I get the powder in my eyes, but until I have something to protest, heat me up!

Also, how come nobody names their kid Grover anymore? It's a good name. I would like to name something Grover. Maybe my car. Or my belt.

Let me think about it.

I'm off to drop a chili grenade.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, March 22, 2010

brush the teeth

Do you brush your teeth? You should. 9 out of 10 dentists will tell you that brushing your teeth is good for your teeth. The other dentist will tell you that every time your brush your teeth, an angel gets a back massage. That dentist is weird, but very popular.

I generally can't stand still when I brush my teeth. I walk around a lot. I also talk, but that's a bit harder. And sometimes toothpaste will spill on me.

Last night I found something else to do while brushing. Dancing! It's not too crazy, but if you would like a better brushing experience, here's what you do.

Brush your teeth. Go into the hallway. Put your butt on the wall. Then hum a tune and brush your teeth while swishing your butt back and forth on the wall.

There's something about the wiggle-motion that makes brushing your teeth SO much more fun!

I think I will do it again tonight. Try it. Let me know if you like it.

I'm off to get my brush on.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

24: cake

I forgot to tell you about something from my Vegas vacation. They have a cake that is 24 layers. You might think this is an awesome idea, but hold on.

It is a big chocolate cake cut into 12 slices. Then, a thin layer of chocolate filling is put between them (making 11 layers). THEN the ganache frosting is added to the top.

I want to know why there are so many layers to this cake! Couldn't they just make 2 cakes and put a lot of chocolate filling between them and have the frosting on top? Why does it have to be 24 layers? That sort of behavior makes my cake take longer to get to my table and, in turn, get into my tum-tum later. I don't like waiting for cake. Neither does my tum-tum.

If you want to try it, Neiman Marcus will let you order it. It's $100. OR, you could get a Hostess cupcake with chocolate filling and get the same thing. Canadians HAVE to get the Hostess cupcake because Neiman Marcus won't ship cake to Canada.

It has to do with the Canadian Cake Embargo Act of 1939 when Canadians started getting better candy bars than the States. President Truman had a hissy fit and made sure that the Canadians didn't get any cake from the U.S.

Yeah. Roosevelt didn't get it either. I think it had to do with time travel which was invented in 1945 by a man from the future. It's all very space-timey.

Do you know what makes me feel better after a time-paradox history lesson? Cake. Fast and easy cake.

I'm off to ganache.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

soft drinks

Have you ever heard of soft drinks? I bet you have. Sometimes people use the term soft drinks instead of soda. Or tonic. Or fizzy, yum-yum, sugar beverage. That last one is my favorite. Except, I do enjoy the term soft drink because it sounds so easy to enjoy.

Why would I want a hard drink?! That would be like trying to drink a brick. Or a rock. Or a mace with spikes on it. THAT would be hard.

A soft drink is soft! It's like drinking a cloud. Or cotton candy. Or a pillow. Or a teddy bear.

That's the sort of thing I would like to drink. Something soft.

It's also St. Patrick's Day. That doesn't really relate to what I was talking about, but I thought I should get it in there. Green is soft. Like a shag carpet on pile of cotton.

I'm off to softly drink.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, March 15, 2010

vacation 2010

I'm back from vacation! I'm excited. I don't know if you are.

As you may recall, my family likes to get together for a big vacation every year and this year it was the National Parks Extravaganza!

I saw the Valley of Fire, Death Valley and the Grand Canyon! Pretty cool, right? There were a lot of big rocks to climb. That was fun. I saw rabbit droppings. I also saw a petrified log. The two aren't related, even though it sounds like they are.

It was a great vacation. Even though it was on the other side of the States. So, I got back on Saturday night and had to turn the clock ahead so everything was FOUR HOURS LATER! I'm so messed up right now! It was like going to bed at 4pm and waking up at midnight. So, my head is a little wacky-doodle.

The highlights of my vacation were all the new songs I wrote. Most of them are one line. Like this little number!

"Going down...clap, clap...clap, clap...clap, clap"


"Acetylsalicylic acid...clap, clap, clap, clap...that's what we call aspirin"

or who could forget

"Valley of Fiyah!"

Those are actually the whole songs. There isn't much to them lyrically, but I sing them with passion. And I sing it over and over again so it SEEMS like they are way longer.

That's what I do on vacation. Don't you do the same?

I'm off to set my internal clock.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

look who's talking

Do you remember that movie "Look Who's Talking?" Or the amazing "Look Who's Talking, Too?" I do. I seem to recall loving those movies. I bet you do too. (get it!? Too!? Like the movie!)

I was thinking that they should find ALL the babies from that movie and bring them back as adults for a new movie called "Look Who's Talking Again!" I mean, they have to be, like, twenty or so now, right?

Oh, and bring back John Travolta so we can finally see him in a good movie again.

Try to tell me you wouldn't go see that movie. Go ahead. Try. You can't! I know you're trying, but the words just won't come out because it is so awesome!

That's all. I was just so excited by that idea that I wanted to share it.

I also like cookies for breakfast. Not that cereal kind. I mean warm, fresh out of the oven, cookies. For breakfast. THAT'S a good way to start the day.

I'm off to eat a cookie.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

pickle in a bag

Did you know that they sell snack-pickles? (snackles, maybe? or snickles?) They are pickles in a plastic pouch for you to take on a long trip and snack on. Because I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY out there has gone on a long drive and about 3 hours into it has said, "I SO want a pickle right now!"

No? Oh, that's right, because NOBODY SAYS THAT!

I think pickles are fantastic. I have no problem with them. Give me a pickle and a glob of ketchup and I'll dip away happily. But I never eat them on the run. I have never seen anybody do that!

Pickles do provide a lot of vitamin K. K for KUH-razy! Well, that's not what it TECHNICALLY stands for, but that's how I like it. K is good for you. Even though I didn't even know there was a vitamin K. I found out that it is helpful for your bones. It is also useful against certain poisons. Not that I care, since I'm immune to all poisons. Except knives.

I just wrote a short song about it:

Pickle in a bag
Pickle in a bag
Everybody wants a pickle in a bag

You have to sing those three lines over and over again and THAT'S how we write a song.

So go get your pickle in a bag! Eat your pickle in a bag! What you do with the liquid the pickle was sitting in is your choice!

I'm off to pick a pickle.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, March 9, 2010


I got a box of tissues. They are the good kind. They are infused with aloe. I have a sensitive nose.

So, I got this box of tissues and they smell like cinnamon. Not like a cinnamon candle, but more like that jar of powdered cinnamon that you might have in your spice rack.

It's awesome.

Now I blow my nose and smell cinnamon.

I have no idea why they smell like cinnamon. The box said nothing of a special cinnamon smell. My nose, on the other hand, did say something about it. It said good.

I would like tissues that smell like cherry. Or pie. Well, cherry pie. I'm not a big fan of apple. OH! Blueberry pie is good, too!

I'm off to blow my nose.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, March 8, 2010

wax gum

After a bit of a hiatus from blogging, we are back in action!

I had a weird "taste memory" the other day. Did you ever buy baseball cards when you were a kid? I'm pretty sure they still sell them, but I think they are much fancier now.

Back in the day they used to come in a wax paper sort of thing. And, of course, the bubble gum! It was always nasty. BUT, the best part was licking the card that was next to the gum! It always had the sugar on it. And sugar cards are the best!

That was my "taste memory" from the other day. These days, I don't have to lick cards to get my sugar fix. I buy it in its pure form of gummy worms. That was harder to find when I was a kid.

Sometimes it's good to be a grown up. It's also cool to be a grown up because I can order cable. And cable has channels that show awesome cartoons.

Oh! And there are these things called credit cards that people send me and I can buy as many Nerf swords and comic books I want!

I guess growing up isn't all that bad. Except they don't make the same baseball cards.

Oh well.

I'm off to spend imaginary money.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, March 1, 2010

ceiling drip

I look at my ceiling sometimes and wonder why it was made that way. I don't think it is just my apartment, either.

The walls and ceiling are made of plaster or something. I don't know what it is, but it's white. It's pretty solid, but I could probably put a hole in the wall if I really wanted to. I don't really want to, but it's nice to have the option.

Anyway, the ceiling is all drippy looking.

Why do they do that with ceilings? Is it because of gravity? No matter how smooth you try to make it, it will drip down like stalactites?

Or is it just a "look" thing? Is it to make the ceiling separate from the wall so you can figure out which one is which? Sometimes I do get confused, but not often enough that it needs to be bumpy.

I'm just a little upset because I'm hoping that someday I can walk on walls. If I can do that, I'll probably have to be barefoot. So, walking on the ceiling will hurt my feet. That's all I'm worried about.

I also worry about robot ninjas. But not as much.

I'm off to walk on walls.

Enjoy Everything.