mail

It's my grandmother's birthday. So, I mailed her a card. But, I always wonder if it looks weird to the post office when I do that. Not because the card is weird or anything, but because I put "Grammy" on the address.

What am I supposed to do? If I were to send something to my brother or sister, I would put their name. Sometimes when I send stuff to my parents, I put "Mom" or "Dad." But most of the time I'll put their full name.

But my grandmother? Why would I put her full name? She's "Grammy" to me.

What do you put? Should I start sending things out saying "Brother" or "Sister?" Not that I send them anything, but if I did, I could do that.

Of course, then they would know it was from me. So where's the surprise in that?

Oh, I never put return addresses on my mail. I know. They hate that. But it's more fun that way.

As far as I know, my mail has always gotten to where it needs to be. So I guess I'm doing it right. Or write! (get it? Because I'm sending letters? That I write??? Yeah...)

I'm off to get the mail.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

internet kill switch

I saw some news the other day about the senate making a law that would allow the president to shut down the internet. Just "ka-chunk!" Done. Internet off.

It is called the Internet Kill Switch. Which would be a GREAT name for a band. Who wouldn't go see that? Seriously. I think I'm going to start a band called Internet Kill Switch just so it exists. I don't want somebody else taking it!

That's about it. Not much else going on in the world. I did get a new colander. That's kinda cool. My last one got stolen by fish after I used it as a helmet.

I also saw some weird stuff on my way into work this morning. There were kids walking around at, like, 5am! When I was a teenager, I was NEVER up that early! Even if I stayed up all night, I don't think I'd be able to walk at that hour.

OH! And then I saw some guy walking around with a big duffel bag and no shirt on! I certainly was not expecting THAT on my drive to work.

Cah-ray-zee.

Phew. I guess it was an exciting day. Yeah...

I'm off to start my new band.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

pork boarding

The National Pork Board in Portland, Oregon seems to have a problem with unicorns. The Pork Board is suing ThinkGeek (a great online store) because TG is saying that unicorns are "the new white meat." And "an excellent source or sparkles."

First of all, it's not funny to joke about eating unicorns. Second of all, there are sparkle supplements. I take one every day. Third of all, I believe pork is the OTHER white meat. Not "new" at all.

The Pork Board issued a cease-and-desist to ThinkGeek about the ad. THEN they said that unicorns don't exist.

Wow. That's bold. And a lie! Why would they say that? And if they are so sure that unicorns don't exist, why would they even issue a cease-and-desist? If it don't exist, no cease-and-desist!

That's my new motto. Which might become a t-shirt.

But we can't use that for unicorns. They do exist. So...we're kinda stuck. Or, the Pork Board is stuck. You can't have it both ways, Porkies!

I think I will ban all pork until they stop being stinky.

That'll show'em.

I'm off to take my sparkle supplement.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

chickens

I saw chickens in West Springfield. Just walking around. Like, real chickens. Not in a fence or on a leash or anything. Free-range chickens in West Springfield.

Did anybody know that there were wild chickens in West Springfield? I mean, really. Is that legal? I know there have been some wild animal sightings in my town, but chickens? There was a fisher cat once. I also saw a possum (opossum?) once. That's kinda like a wild animal.

I did not see any eggs.

So...that was my weekend. Chickens. Wild chickens.

I didn't believe it at first so I took a picture. The picture is real and exists on my phone. So if you are going chicken hunting, come to West Springfield. We got the wildest chickens in the west!

Apparently I live on a farm. Huh. Who knew?

I'm off to milk a cow...because I live on a farm.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

name change

I was looking through some old papers last night and found something my mom gave me. Apparently, she wrote journal entries about my life as a child. It was pretty cool. I now know when I learned how to crawl. It only took a few years! I'm like a child prodigy!

One thing I found out was that I wanted to change my name when I was four. Yep. I wanted to be called Chip. I have no idea why.

Of all the names I could have chosen, I chose chip?! Clearly I was NOT a prodigy. I could have picked any name in the world! Batman. Han Solo. Starlight!

And I wanted to be Chip. Thank goodness that didn't last. Maybe I was a fan of Erik Estrada and thought that was his name. At least, I hope that's the reason. I mean, seriously, did you see the man's hair? Totally awesome.

I'm off to ponch.

Enjoy!

-Chip...er...DJ

hid

I bought a new mouse for my computer. It's pretty sweet. The pointer moves and everything. It's a little loud on the click, but the spinning wheel part is totally silent. It's nice.

I plugged it into my computer and a little message popped up letting me know that I was connected. It called the mouse a "human interface device." I had no idea! I mean, that's kinda what it is, but I don't remember ever seeing that message before!

It sounds so sterile. Where's the love? Where's the romance? Why can't it say something sweet like, "Mouse now connected, feel free to caress the screen." Or maybe, "New hardware found. Mouse and computer are now sharing time together as one."

I would like that. Maybe I should light a candle next time I hook something up to my computer. I could put out some flower petals. Put on some Barry White. Make a night of it.

Or maybe I should just not worry about it and go on with my life. But THAT is just so unBarry!

I'm off to hook up my mouse.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

peanut plane

Airlines are thinking of getting rid of peanuts. Again. I'm pretty sure they have talked about this in the past. I don't know why people get so upset. They make it seem like a free tiny pouch of peanuts on a plane is a basic human right.

Oh wait...I just looked at the Constitution. It's on there. Article 3: Section 3. Huh...who knew?

Well, now we have to worry about allergies! So many people have peanut allergies and it's just plain dangerous to have them on a plane.

I don't have any food allergies. I don't know why. Everybody else has them. Food allergy is the new black.

Or so I hear from my fashion designer friends. And I have, like, millions of fashion designer friends. Half of them are named Hans. It's pretty sweet. That's why I look so fashiony.

I would like to be allergic to something. Just so I can feel like I'm part of the group. And so I can have an Epipen.

Maybe I'll be allergic to tannins. In wine. Or maybe lipolyzed cream. I don't really know what that is, but I know it's in food.

Sigh. I guess I won't be allergic to anything. I'll just eat whatever.

Sorry. I'm boring.

I'm off to eat some tannin peanuts in lipolyzed cream.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ