preview

What does it mean when a movie preview has been approved for "Appropriate Audiences"?

I looked up "appropriate" to find out.

"1. suitable or fitting for a particular purpose..."

and

"2. belonging to or peculiar to a person..."

So, are we a fitting audience? Or a suitable audience? Did the movie gods deem us suitable to see the preview? That was very nice of them to think we were appropriate.

What if it belongs to us? Doesn't that mean we have the rights to that preview and we can do whatever we want with it? I could record that preview and put it up all over the internet without getting into trouble. I am an appropriate audience member. Legally speaking.

If I am inappropriate, does that mean I'm not allowed to watch the preview? Has anybody inappropriate ever seen a preview?

I guess I've never been inappropriate, because I've never been banned from a preview.

My blog is approved for appropriate and inappropriate people. I accept everybody because I'm cool like that. Cooler than a movie preview.

I'm off to be inappropriate.

Enjoy!

-DJ

you're in

In Utah, there is a town named Logan. As great a name as that is, some strange stuff still happens there.

For example, thieves broke into the city's health offices and stole 17 wee wee samples.

I would say you're in trouble, but I'd only be saying that to be funny. And it totally makes me laugh.

Why would somebody steal that?! What could they possibly hope to gain from it? Does it have something to do with Christmas?

I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's too gross.

You know what I like? Sniffing candles. OH! So good! Like, you take the lid off of a cherry candle and take a big whiff! It's like I just ate a cherry! I LOVE IT!

That's a much better thought. I think I'll think about that thought some more.

I'm off to sniff a candle.

Enjoy!

-DJ

battle strategy

General Stanley McChrystal gave us a scary thought when he talked about the war in Afghanistan. His exact quote, "But the sober fact is that there are no silver bullets."

I'm not sure if that's scary to you, but I'm pretty freaked out! How are we going to fight werewolves?!

I'm afraid to say it, but I think we're going to have to hire some vampires to take care of this werewolf problem. Or possibly some werekangaroos. They are on our side and are totally awesome. I wish I was a werekangaroo. They also don't get hurt by silver bullets. They get hurt by golden lassos. And since Wonder Woman likes kangaroos, they're safe.

Oh wait...oh I get it! Stanley was making a joke about beer! Whew! I was all worried about nothing. No "silver bullets" so they're "sober". Ha! Good one Stanley.

Unless he isn't joking. Better stock up on your Coors Light.

I'm off to find my lunar calendar.

Enjoy!

-DJ

unitree

I saw some reindeer on display the other night and I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be cool if the reindeer were unicorns? Or unideer? Or reinicorns?"

It would be so easy! You can make it out of a small pine tree, too! Just glue it onto the head of your reindeer display. Then throw a few lights around the horn/little tree. Light it up and you've made Christmas even more magical!

I know what you're thinking, "Wouldn't they have a single antler sticking out the top of their head if they were reinicorns?"

No. That would just look awful. I don't know why you would even think that.

Don't worry, I have an idea for Hanukkah, too. You can have a Menoricorn. Just line up nine unicorns and put a wick in the horn of each one. DONE!

I should really sell this stuff. I could make millions.

Imagine having dinosaurs and unicorns over for the holidays. It just makes the whole season better!

I'm off to light up the reinicorn.

Enjoy!

-DJ

show it off

I found out that plunging necklines are in. For men. So men can show off their chest hair and pectoral muscles. Because that's...um...hot?

Really? Didn't we learn our lessons from the 70s? If you didn't, here they are:

There is nothing sexy about men's chests in a V shape or mustaches in any shape.

It's not that I'm jealous or anything. I KNOW I can't pull that off. I can't pull off any "look" and I'm okay with that. But, there is NO man who can pull of the chest hair look AND make it look good. (I know some men who think they can, but seriously, you can't.)

Let's just keep the plunging necklines on women.

I'd rather have overalls with one side unhooked come back into fashion. Or even wearing them backwards would be better than men's chests being exposed. Kris Kross would love it.

Just think about it before you buy that shirt.

I'm off to make you jump, jump.

Enjoy!

-DJ

dino tree

Why aren't dinosaurs a regular part of Christmas? Or Hanukkah? Or any of the other winter holidays?

I think that they should be part of the festivities somehow. Maybe you can put a T-Rex on the top of the tree or something. Get a few of those big lawn displays of a brachiosaurus with a Santa cap on.

That would be awesome.

I wish I could decorate the skeletal structure of a stegosaurus instead of a tree.

OH! And Santa could have eight velociraptors! That would be hard core!

I think I'll write my senate representative.

Dear Senate,

Dinosaurs are cool.

xoxo,
Me

I'm off to work on my letter.

Enjoy!

-DJ

robot clam

Some folks at MIT have created robot clams. They did this to dig up underwater mines. These clams will also sacrifice themselves and blow up the mines so regular clams will not have to risk their own lives.

They modeled the robots after the Atlantic razor clam, which can dig really fast. They say it can dig at a whopping centimeter per second.

Wow. That's almost as fast as an elephant running through a pool of maple syrup and scarves. And not that thin maple syrup, but the good stuff from the deep Canadian woods. And really thick scarves that are hard to walk through.

I shouldn't make fun of them because they are finding water mines. I didn't even know that there was a problem with water mines, but I guess there is enough of an issue that we need to create roboclams.

The real problem is, of course, when these clams decide to stop doing what we tell them and start fighting back. Moving at a centimeter per second, we'll barely be able to slowly stroll away in fear.

They could eventually unionize and figure out a way to dig a lot of holes and trap us humans in deep pits so they could take over the world.

Hopefully we can be saved by the robotic razor clam's natural enemy, the robotic ring-billed gull. We are on good terms with the robotic ring-billed gulls. We did sign a treaty with them in 1993 stating that we would let them be gulls if they would let us be humans.

Hopefully it won't come to that, but just in case, I'm honing my ninja skills so I can fight off a robotic razor clam invasion.

I'm off to sharpen my sword.

Enjoy!

-DJ