i can totally believe it's not butter

I cleaned out my fridge this weekend. I didn't even know I HAD stuff in the fridge that needed cleaning out! I don't really use it too often. I think I use it for 4 things. Orange juice, apple juice, rice milk and spinach.

But! It turns out that I bought a "spread" a few years ago and never used it. It wasn't butter. I don't really know what it was. It's in a tub that is similar to what they put butter in. But it wasn't butter.

It was VERY stinky when I opened it, though! The kind of stink that makes you open all the windows and light 5 candles. Even after that, I could not get the stink out of my nose.

AND this thing was...a thing. I don't know how to describe its form. It was this thing that looked kinda like a chunk of melted plastic. But breathing. I'm pretty sure it was breathing.

Or pulsating. Or something. I don't know what it was doing, but it was doing it. Also, I think it was trying to contact other alien beings. Or maybe trying to take over my mind. I KNOW that I heard it talk to me using telepathy.

It told me to buy more spread.

Out of fear, I hammered it down the sink into the pipe blades that reside under the sink hole.

There it met its timely death.

You don't have to worry about it taking over your brain or telling you what to do.

Let's hope it did not get its message to the others.

I'm off to buy more spread.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

you're in

In Utah, there is a town named Logan. As great a name as that is, some strange stuff still happens there.

For example, thieves broke into the city's health offices and stole 17 wee wee samples.

I would say you're in trouble, but I'd only be saying that to be funny. And it totally makes me laugh.

Why would somebody steal that?! What could they possibly hope to gain from it? Does it have something to do with Christmas?

I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's too gross.

You know what I like? Sniffing candles. OH! So good! Like, you take the lid off of a cherry candle and take a big whiff! It's like I just ate a cherry! I LOVE IT!

That's a much better thought. I think I'll think about that thought some more.

I'm off to sniff a candle.

Enjoy!

-DJ