big day

Not only was there a new pond at work today, but I got my order from amazon!

I really thought the pond was going to be the big story, but they cleaned that up with a wet/dry vac. The pond is gone, but when I got into work this morning, there could have been some fishin' going on. It was pretty huge.

I did get some great stuff from amazon, though! And it was all my stuff. It looks like my stuff. Let me check again.

...

Yep...Batman comics and coffee. The little shipment slip that came in the box said something different. I don't know HOW it happened, but Courtney's order slip for Schaum's Outline of Statistics and Schaum's Outline of Financial Management got into my box!

So, it's possible that Courtney, in Chicago, is looking at my order right now. She's probably glad that she got her 5 copies of Statistics and 2 copies of Financial Management.

I'm SOOOOOO glad I didn't get them! What am I going to do with that? Become a stock broker? What does Financial Management even mean?! I'm guessing it has something to do with lemurs, but I really have no idea.

So, Courtney, if you're reading this, I hope you enjoyed my shipment slip. And I hope your statistics are as exciting as my Batman.

I doubt it, though. Let me know if you want to trade for a week. I won't read your books, but at least you get to read something exciting and non-statistic-y.

I'm off to read Batman's Outline of Statistics and Awesomeness.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

pick her up

I saw an interesting article telling guys how NOT to pick up the ladies. Not pick-up lines but rather modes of transportation.

And I can't help but disagree with ALL of them!

Unicycle: Really? What woman wouldn't want to be picked up on a unicycle?! I once had this game for Super Nintendo called Uniracers and it was awesome! If a woman doesn't want a ride on a unicycle, she gets no ride at all!

Pony: Don't girls love ponies? Heck, don't GUYS love ponies?! I do. And riding a pony to the movies is probably the best way to go on a date. AND it's cute.

Segway Scooter: Okay...I guess I could go either way with this one. The good thing is that two people on a Segway can get really tight. So that means she wants to be close to you. The bad thing is that it's really hard to steer one of those bad boys with two people on it. Trust me, I've tried.

Roller Skates: Wow...they are SO wrong with this. Any guy that can roller skate is probably the COOLEST guy in the world! Imagine going out to dinner and instead of both of you walking to the restaurant, he roller skates and you walk. All the girls seeing his slick moves would be so jealous of your catch. You'd be hotter than sea horse!

Wanna know what's lame? Fancy cars. That's so last year.

Oh, and chairs on wheels. I know they're fun at work, but it's really hard to keep those moving with two people. Even harder than a Segway. And if she has to sit on your lap the whole night, your keys are going to press into your thigh. Not always pleasant, but helpful if you need a mold of your keys.

I'm off to race my unicycle.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

text all

Have you ever gotten a text from somebody that says "I'm bored! Help!" or has some other message looking for a response only to find out that they sent that text to everybody?

I hate it when that happens. A friend of mine did that. I felt badly for her, so I texted her back. I thought, "It's nice of her to think that I'm entertaining enough to be her text conversation right now."

But I wasn't! I was just one fish a huge ocean of friends! She texted everybody. EVERYBODY! And I get suckered into it.

People do that during the holidays, too. They'll send a "Happy Thanksgiving" text to everybody. At least with email, you can see everybody else who got it. Unless they hide it. I don't go for that.

It seems less personal when that happens. They are not sending it to you. They are just sending it. There is no love!

I just felt so used.

I'm off to send a personal text to one person.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

mail

It's my grandmother's birthday. So, I mailed her a card. But, I always wonder if it looks weird to the post office when I do that. Not because the card is weird or anything, but because I put "Grammy" on the address.

What am I supposed to do? If I were to send something to my brother or sister, I would put their name. Sometimes when I send stuff to my parents, I put "Mom" or "Dad." But most of the time I'll put their full name.

But my grandmother? Why would I put her full name? She's "Grammy" to me.

What do you put? Should I start sending things out saying "Brother" or "Sister?" Not that I send them anything, but if I did, I could do that.

Of course, then they would know it was from me. So where's the surprise in that?

Oh, I never put return addresses on my mail. I know. They hate that. But it's more fun that way.

As far as I know, my mail has always gotten to where it needs to be. So I guess I'm doing it right. Or write! (get it? Because I'm sending letters? That I write??? Yeah...)

I'm off to get the mail.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

internet kill switch

I saw some news the other day about the senate making a law that would allow the president to shut down the internet. Just "ka-chunk!" Done. Internet off.

It is called the Internet Kill Switch. Which would be a GREAT name for a band. Who wouldn't go see that? Seriously. I think I'm going to start a band called Internet Kill Switch just so it exists. I don't want somebody else taking it!

That's about it. Not much else going on in the world. I did get a new colander. That's kinda cool. My last one got stolen by fish after I used it as a helmet.

I also saw some weird stuff on my way into work this morning. There were kids walking around at, like, 5am! When I was a teenager, I was NEVER up that early! Even if I stayed up all night, I don't think I'd be able to walk at that hour.

OH! And then I saw some guy walking around with a big duffel bag and no shirt on! I certainly was not expecting THAT on my drive to work.

Cah-ray-zee.

Phew. I guess it was an exciting day. Yeah...

I'm off to start my new band.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

pork boarding

The National Pork Board in Portland, Oregon seems to have a problem with unicorns. The Pork Board is suing ThinkGeek (a great online store) because TG is saying that unicorns are "the new white meat." And "an excellent source or sparkles."

First of all, it's not funny to joke about eating unicorns. Second of all, there are sparkle supplements. I take one every day. Third of all, I believe pork is the OTHER white meat. Not "new" at all.

The Pork Board issued a cease-and-desist to ThinkGeek about the ad. THEN they said that unicorns don't exist.

Wow. That's bold. And a lie! Why would they say that? And if they are so sure that unicorns don't exist, why would they even issue a cease-and-desist? If it don't exist, no cease-and-desist!

That's my new motto. Which might become a t-shirt.

But we can't use that for unicorns. They do exist. So...we're kinda stuck. Or, the Pork Board is stuck. You can't have it both ways, Porkies!

I think I will ban all pork until they stop being stinky.

That'll show'em.

I'm off to take my sparkle supplement.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

chickens

I saw chickens in West Springfield. Just walking around. Like, real chickens. Not in a fence or on a leash or anything. Free-range chickens in West Springfield.

Did anybody know that there were wild chickens in West Springfield? I mean, really. Is that legal? I know there have been some wild animal sightings in my town, but chickens? There was a fisher cat once. I also saw a possum (opossum?) once. That's kinda like a wild animal.

I did not see any eggs.

So...that was my weekend. Chickens. Wild chickens.

I didn't believe it at first so I took a picture. The picture is real and exists on my phone. So if you are going chicken hunting, come to West Springfield. We got the wildest chickens in the west!

Apparently I live on a farm. Huh. Who knew?

I'm off to milk a cow...because I live on a farm.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ