bwhd

I was lucky enough to have a TV in my room when I was a kid. It was great. It was pretty small. 12-inches maybe. It had a small speaker under two channel-knobs. I don't know what they're called, but one knob was VHF and the other was UHF.

This amazing TV gave me cartoons and sitcoms and spanish movies in the full spectrum of black and white. That's right, black and white.

Now, that was a long time ago, so it's time to move on, isn't it? Not to some folks in England, I guess. 30,000 people in the UK still use a black and white television! 30,000! That's a lot of people!

Color TV was invented 50 years ago! I know there are some stubborn people out there who won't get a cell phone or an email address, but seriously...holding onto your black and white television is BEYOND stubborn.

Unless they are color blind. Then I'm sorry.

If they are NOT color blind...then it's time to make the change to color! Look around your TV. What do you see? Red curtains? Maybe a blue rug? Yellow knick-knacks? Well, you have all the makings of a color TV set!

Of course those folks will never read this because they don't have a computer. Granted, nobody reads this, but them even less so because they still believe computers are powered by Uranium. Heck, they might not even know that Uranus has been discovered. If the Earth isn't the center of the universe, then they don't want to hear about it.

I'm off to watch TV in magical colors.

Enjoy!

-DJ

built for two

I was in my automobile and I saw some folks riding a bicycle. Multiple people riding one bicycle. It was a bicycle built for two.

Now, that's all fine and dandy if you're old and want to ride through a park on a sunny day with pretty piano music playing, but to make that your main form of transportation? Is that normal?

Granted, I don't know if it was their ONLY form of transportation, but it sure looked like it. The couple, in their 40's maybe, was riding the bike with some grocery bags. I guess it allows the two of them to still shop together, which is sweet, but still...who decides that a bicycle built for two is a better idea than a car?!

I guess it's a better choice than a bicycle built for one. Then one of them would have to ride on the handle bars, and that's not very comfortable on long trips. It wasn't so bad when I was 10, but my behind isn't as resilient as it used to be. Not as resilient, but still fantastic.

I'm off to ride on the handle bars. (Or, for you Messiah fans, Handel bars. HA! I just thought of that joke.)

Enjoy!

-DJ

comic books are full of nutrients

Some amazing scientists have figured out what most of us knew all along. Comic books are just as sophisticated as other forms of reading.

BAM! Take that Dan Brown! Let me put a whole bunch of words on a page with no pictures. Blah, Blah, Blah, LAME!

The research found that, and I will quote them, "if you really consider how the pictures and words work together to tell a story, you can make the case that comics are just as complex as any other kind of literature."

If you can't understand that scientific mumbo jumbo, let me explain. Comic books are awesome.

The end.

We are one step closer to my own personal utopia. Now I just have to keep funding the research that proves candy is good for you.

I'm off to (I'm sure you can guess this time) read comic books.

Enjoy!

-DJ

the shredder

Here's a lesson for ya...don't put things on paper shredders unless you want them shredded.

I know it seems simple, but it's a lesson that I, and my bag, had to learn the hard way. Some of you may know that I always have a large bag with me. Call it a man-bag, murse, purse, messenger bag...whatever...it's always with me. I like to have stuff with me all the time.

This bag has two straps that will hook onto the top flap so I can seal the bag. At least, it USED to have two straps. Now it has a strap and a stump.

I put my bag on one of those big paper shredders and it started to eat my bag. It was quite dramatic.

Shredder: GRRRRRRRRR! (eating my bag)

Me: NO!!!!! Let go of my bag your multi-toothed monstrosity!

Shredder: GRRRRRRRR!

I pulled out my (nerf) sword and stabbed the shredder until it gave up and spit out my bag.

I was kinda like a ninja. If ninjas beat up office appliances.

Which they do if the appliance is eating their ninja purse.

I'm off to unplug the shredder.

Enjoy!

-DJ

i'm so pretty

What luck! I can plug my latest play AND do a regular blog because it's all related!

I've been doing local theatre for a few years now and learned how to do my own makeup. Nothing fancy, just some foundation and powder.

Well, I needed more foundation and decided to shop for it. Alone. It took longer than I thought.

I have no idea what skin tone I am. I grabbed a few, went to a mirror and held them up next to my face. I still couldn't tell. So, not only did I look odd staring at the foundation section, but then I'm trying to match my color. In the store.

I took the two colors that looked most like my hands and brought them up to the counter to ask the lady which one matched my skin.

She told me. AFTER I explained that I wear makeup because I'm in a play.

I really don't think she believed me.

I then left proudly with my cosmetic wedges and my creamy beige foundation. Never to return again.

Now, to plug the show, and show off my makeup skills. It's in Enfield for the next three weekends. It's called "The Curious Savage" and you can get info and tickets at valleyrep.com. We'd love to see you there!

I'm off to put my face on.

Enjoy!

-DJ

stay together

The Malaysian government cares about your marriage. They are doing everything they can to keep families together. Including some helpful advice to keep the marriage fresh.

They encourage women to wear lingerie and perfume. That sounds like some decent advice, right?

They also encourage men to bathe and wear clean pajamas.

What?! What are men doing in Malaysia?! THAT'S their advice?!

I'd be a stud in Malaysia. I even change my underwear. Daily. Look out ladies.

I may even put on deodorant. Whoops...I think some of you ladies just fainted. Sorry about that, I should have told you to sit down.

I'm off to put on some clean pajamas.

Enjoy!

-DJ

taste my words

Have you ever heard of gustatory auditory synaeshesia? (Can we just call it GAS for short?) People with GAS (I promise I'm not trying to make a joke there) can taste words.

So, if you are talking to someone with GAS, then your words will make them have a particular taste in their mouth.

Supposedly this is real. Some guy in England has it and says that The Lord's Prayer tastes like bacon. And when people speak to him in German, he can taste jam. (Sounds made up, I know.)

My speaking voice tastes like honey and gummy bears. I mean, I don't know for sure, but I think it does. That's what I taste when I hear myself talk.

I bet the word unicorn tastes like cotton candy! And giraffe tastes like caramel!

But does the word cherry tastes like a cherry? Or does banana taste like banana? And do snozzberries taste like snozzberries?! Hmmm...

I'm off to listen to myself talk...mmm...honey...

Enjoy!

-DJ