cow day

Today is Cow Appreciation Day!

To that I say, "What has a cow done for me lately?"

You may think a lot, but I'm not so sure. I don't really eat burgers and I don't drink milk. Not because I'm a vegetarian or anything. I just don't like them very much.

I do have a leather wallet that I bought about 12 years ago. It's a "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time" wallet. I got it from Nintendo. It's a good wallet. It has lasted a LONG time. I guess I appreciate that. I'm pretty sure it's made from cow. I don't know for sure, though.

Did you know that there is a zelda.com? I just found out! I haven't played a Zelda game in a long time. I used to love that game. I loved it so much that I bought a wallet about it!

Cows are cool, I guess. They do seem to like Shakespeare. So, they're cultured.

Anyway, hug a cow today. Unless that's dangerous. Then don't. I don't know if they have boundary issues or not. I do. If a cow wants to hug me, there may be a problem.

I'm off to cow town.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

feel the bastille

Bastille Day needs better PR. Did anybody even know that it was Bastille Day? I barely knew it. I found it on a scrap of paper on the sidewalk. That's how little people care.

But they SHOULD care! In 1789 people in France turned off TV and stormed the Bastille dungeon!

The monarchy was all, "You don't like French Idol? YOU GO TO JAIL!"

And the people were all like, "That's not fair! I want to watch NCIS!"

And the Kings and Queens were all like, "That's not a bad show, but you HAVE to watch French Idol! Until they invent some sort of device that lets you record two programs at once, you will watch what we tell you to watch!"

Remember, this happened way back in 1789 and they didn't have the dual-tuner DVR yet. They also yelled a lot.

So, they started a revolution.

But nobody even cares! In honor of my love of French stuff like fries and dressing and Renoir, I'm starting a new ad campaign for Bastille Day.

Loud sound of thunder: "BADOOOOOOM!"

Deep voice guy: "FEEL THE BASTILLE!"

Thunder again: "BADOOOOOOM!"

Then a bolt of lightning flashes across the screen: "FLAZASH!"

Deep voice guy: "IN FRANCE!"

Then big explosion sound: "BOOOOOM!!!!!!!"

And that is what gets people excited.

I'm off to record two things at once.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

it sounded good

Soooooooooo...I was reading some stuff about food this weekend. I came across an article with the 10 best things to do with Nutella.

Now, as you should know, I'm a HUGE fan of Nutella. I started using it very recently for pretty much everything. Sandwiches, dipping, frosting, scrubbing, cleaning, mailing, you know...everything.

One thing I never tried was putting a spoonful in my coffee! I don't know how I missed that! This article told me to do that. They said it would taste great!

It! Did! not. Which is really weird because it totally should. Instead, it just tasted kinda icky. So I made a new coffee and just snacked on the tub of Nutella separately. That was MUCH better. Nutella makes a pretty good breakfast. Not a pretty good coffee.

Now, I won't stop you from TRYING this, but you have been warned. Warn-ed!

I'm off to Nutella the sink.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

secret agents

I always KNEW that the government had secret agents, but did you know that they have secret, SECRET agents?

Like a chupacabra? If you don't know, a chupa is kinda like a vampire, hyena-looking-ish creature that drinks the blood of goats. Most people thought they didn't exist, but they do. The government has them. Well, they WORK for the government, at least.

Obama put one in Arizona to "encourage" them to repeal the new immigration law. It's true! I read the news story online!

I'm pretty sure the government also has dinosaurs working for it. I saw a picture once of Obama riding a triceratops to work.

And Rahm Emanuel has a unicorn that he races with on the weekends. He doesn't ride the unicorn. They race each other. Rahm is very fast.

Oh, and there's an unconfirmed report that General Patraeus has an army of centaurs. Just in case they are needed...for something.

I thought this only happened in comic books! I didn't know it was real! (And it does happen in comic books. For related stories about "mythical" creatures working for the government, feel free to read the comic books "Proof" and "Perhapanauts.")

I'm off to race a unicorn.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

bring me 3-D

I love that movies are in 3-D now. It's so much better. I can't even watch a movie if it isn't in 3-D anymore. It doesn't look real. I can TOTALLY believe a 3-D movie.

And that is why I want comic books to get in on this 3-D action. Comic books are a tough sell these days. BUT, if they were in 3-D, I bet EVERYBODY would buy them! Why would you read a book when you could read a comic book in 3-D?!

I know there is all sorts of new technology for the new 3-D movies, so there has to be some way to make comic books look totally rad in 3-D.

That's all. I just kinda want that to happen.

Maybe if we all join hands, we can make it happen. Or an online petition. I've heard of both of those things working in the past.

I'm pretty sure 3-D comic books would bring world peace. I saw a study on it once. I may have done the study in crayon on the back of a paper placemat, but it was still a study.

100% of the people I asked said that it would create world peace. I asked myself and that was my answer. 100%.

Done.

I'm off to start holding hands.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

poet laureate

There is a new Poet Laureate! Yes! I also have no idea what that means! I think it has something to do with lassoing a poet. But maybe it has to do with rhyming cowboys.

Wonder Woman is cool because she has a golden laureate.

Whatever it is, W.S. Merwin is the new Poet Laureate.

I like this guy. Wanna know why? He feels that punctuation is too confining. I'm not talking about being on time. I'm talking about all these periods and question marks and apostrophes that we use. They hold him back! He says that we don't use them when we talk to somebody, so why use them in writing?

Love it. Punctuation is SO yesterday. No punc. is the new black. I don't even know why I'm still using them now.

Non-poets probably think Merwin is a loose cannon. And they'd be right. I think he's the inspiration for Jack Bauer from 24. When Jack would recite poetry. Which he did often, but it always looked like he was yelling at people. Remember: loose. cannon.

I'm off to punctuate.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

fire to the works

LOTS of fireworks are happening these days! It is the 4th of July weekend where we celebrate the Byzantine Empire's arrival in America to find freedom of interchangeable parts.

And they beat up a bunch of robots that ate trees. Which was helpful to the paper industry. Along with interchangeable parts.

It was a good year for paper.

And we celebrate with fireworks! Yay! I love fireworks. My favorite thing is waking up 4th of July morning and finding fireworks under the tree.

Remember Jubilee from the X-Men? She could kinda shoot fireworks from her hands. Okay, so they weren't EXACTLY fireworks, but close enough. They were plasmoids that exploded. Still pretty cool.

I dressed up as Jubilee for a 4th of July party one year. They told me it was a costume party. I SWEAR they said that!

I guess they were joking. You should look up a picture of Jubilee and then imagine that on me. It was pretty hot. Especially the jean shorts.

I'm off to fire up the works!

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ