meteorite gun

What are people always saying about science? There are too many guns! Those scientists are always shooting stuff. Sometimes they use lasers, which are cool, but when a laser is too high tech, they grab a 20mm and fire away.

They recently did this to shoot amino acids. It's sort of like duck hunt. If you miss, the dog WILL laugh at you.

They weren't shooting amino acids out of malice, but rather to find out if they could have survived a meteorite crash.

The amino acids with the molecular alkyl side chain were the toughest and survived the gun shot wounds. They were pretty upset about getting shot, so they then attacked the scientists.

Unfortunately, they are so small that the scientists didn't even know they were getting attacked. They just felt a tickle in their nose. The tickle did make them sneeze a lot, so that's a little like revenge.

So what did we learn today? Guns don't kill amino acids, scientists do.

I'm off to meet E or Ite.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

goo bath time

Whoa...this is goo-tastic! Gelli Baff! It's this great new product that "turns ordinary water into glorious goo!" And you're supposed to take a bath in it!

No kidding! It says right on the box that you can "Bathe in magic goo!"

Water is SO boring! Goo is so NOT boring!

You pour some powder into a tub of water. Then mix it around. It becomes a slimy goo. Then you add some goo dissolver and it turns back into water. And you can get it in four colors!

I don't know if it actually gets you clean. But who cares! You're covered in goo!

I'm off to take a gelli baff...if I have water...which I might not.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

speed of light

Some professor of radiology says that traveling at the speed of light would kill us. I don't know where this guy came from, but I DO know he doesn't even work in radio! Let me tell you something else. Radio has to do with sound, not light. Take that professor. I know a little something about radio, but I'm not so pretentious that I would call myself a "professor" of radiology.

I do pretend to know a lot about traveling at the speed of light. You could call me a professor of lightology. Or Dr. Light. But not the same Dr. Light who created Mega Man. Even though Mega Man is cool. I wish I created him. Maybe I did create him after traveling back in time. I haven't done it yet. But I did/will.

Also, being a lightologist, I can tell you that traveling at the speed of light would not kill you. The study said that the radiation from hydrogen atoms would be too much for the human body to handle.

But he forgot that I'm traveling at the speed of light. Which is, like, way faster than my car. So, I'm going so fast that by the time the hydrogen radiation kills me, I will already be somewhere else. Alive.

Make sense? Good. I knew you'd get it.

I'm off to be a dimensionless physical constant.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

scotus

Did you know that the Supreme Court of the United States is also known as SCOTUS? I never thought about it until I read it in some news article. It was about the Supreme Court. Beyond that, I didn't really care because I fell in love with the word SCOTUS. I've heard of POTUS for the president, but never thought about the Supreme Court. Heck, I didn't even know we had a Supreme Court until yesterday. Now I love them. Well, I love their acronym.

Scotus is the kind of word you can use in everyday conversation:

Person: "How are you feeling today?"

Me: "Totally Scotus!"

Person: "Nice. What are you going to do?"

Me: "I'm going to scotus to the store! And then eat some scotus dinner!"

Person: "Why are you shouting?"

Me: "SCOTUS!"

Wanna know what else is totally scotus? babieswithlasereyes.com It's just as it sounds. It's a website with pictures of babies with laser vision. Nothing entertains me more than babies making toast with their eyes.

I'm off to scotus.

Enjoy Everything

-DJ

bee miles

I just read an article that says bees can travel 4,704,208 miles per gallon. Via honey-fuel. I don't know why they did this study, but I guess they wanted to figure out how efficient a bee was compared to a car. Even though they are not related at all.

I tried to figure out how much a human could get. Not by myself, I looked it up online hoping somebody else already did the work. They kinda did, but not very clearly. One site said we could get 400mpg if humans actually ran on gasoline. Another used food, the actual stuff we eat, and found that we get about 12mpg.

Solution? Internal combustion engine. Internal meaning inside your chest. Bam! We eat food and drink gas and we get, like, 200mpg!

You could totally do this to me. I've lost feeling around my ribs, so surgery should be no problem.

Also, maybe you could add a bee in there. I could get 100,000mpg if I eat some honey as well. I could also sting people with my words. Because that's what happens when you have a bee living inside of you. And I have a sharp wit. Wha-pshhh! (that's my whip sound, in case you didn't know).

You're welcome, environment. I just made everybody more fuel efficient. And, I have a whip.

I'm off to internally combust.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

lol

I love text abbreviations. As long as I know what the letters stand for, I have no problem with them being used. Simplify the language, right!

Of course, I don't always get what people mean. LOL is Laugh Out Loud. But what is LOLOL? Is it Laugh Out Loud Out Loud?

Or Laugh Out Loud Outer Louder?

Laugh Out Laugher Out Loud?

I just don't know.

Oh yeah, you HAVE to watch the new TV show Kick Buttowski! It's so awesome! Just trust me.

I'm off to Laugh Out Loudly Over Lollipops.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

a valentine poem

If you're looking for a Valentine's Day poem for your loved one, I wrote it for you. Recite this:

Star Wars, G.I. Joe and Spider-Man are great movies.
I like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Batman.
Superman. Nova. Rocket Raccoon. Iceman.
The Hulk. The Flash. Captain America.
And you.

oh...and Wolverine is awesome!

The End.

After you use this poem, your partner will melt into a pile of goo. Don't do it over something absorbent like a sponge or cotton balls. I don't know how gooey your man or woman will become, but sometimes it's a very liquidy goo that will get sucked right up by a sham-wow.

You have your warnings and you have your poem. Go forth and make valentiney.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ