a valentine poem

If you're looking for a Valentine's Day poem for your loved one, I wrote it for you. Recite this:

Star Wars, G.I. Joe and Spider-Man are great movies.
I like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Batman.
Superman. Nova. Rocket Raccoon. Iceman.
The Hulk. The Flash. Captain America.
And you.

oh...and Wolverine is awesome!

The End.

After you use this poem, your partner will melt into a pile of goo. Don't do it over something absorbent like a sponge or cotton balls. I don't know how gooey your man or woman will become, but sometimes it's a very liquidy goo that will get sucked right up by a sham-wow.

You have your warnings and you have your poem. Go forth and make valentiney.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

the bearded men

I'm trying to grow a beard. Thank goodness I'm not in space because you cannot grow a beard in space. Or so I've heard.

It is itchy under my chin. I don't know how I feel about that. I think I want to grow a lot of hair on the sides so I can look like Wolverine. I also want to grow claws from my hands, but that hasn't happened yet. I don't know why.

If you're wondering how Wolverine can move his wrists when he retracts his claws, they actually hang out in his forearm. So, in the second that it takes for them to come out, he cannot move his wrist. But they move pretty quickly, so it's cool.

I wish I had claws in my forearms. Or at least A claw. I guess a fork and spoon would do. I'll take what I can get at this point. Maybe the fork on one arm and the spoon on the other. Then I could have the mutant ability to eat soup or small chunks of chicken anywhere I went.

That would be pretty cool. You could call me Kinda-Like-Wolverine-Except-Not-So-Sharp. It seems like a long name, but I think it's catchy.

I'm off to x-ray my forearms.

Enjoy!

-DJ

crazy march

Somebody at work asked me to fill out a bracket. I think money is involved, but I cannot confirm that. Partly because it is illegal and partly because I get confused when people start talking about sports and forget to pay attention.

So, in order to prepare for the madness that happens in March, I have printed out a bracket. I don't get it. There are a bunch of cities and they have numbers next to them. Yeah...that's about all I can tell you.

I don't think all of them are cities, actually. Xavier is on there. I'm pretty sure he's the guy who found the X-Men. I don't THINK he plays basketball, but he might!

Also, Gonzaga is on there. They have the number 4. Gonzaga?! Is Gonzaga a city? Is it a cheese? Is it a little mouse that plays basketball?

OH! And Purdue is on there. I know FOR A FACT that he makes chicken! I think this whole bracket thing is a scam. Chickens do NOT play basketball. Scientists have tried to teach chickens how to play basketball, but it just can't be done.

Who will be my champion, you ask? Well, I figure I'll put the chickens against the X-Men for my final game and clearly the X-Men will win. I mean, Wolverine has claws that come out of his hands. If that doesn't take care of a chicken, I don't know what will.

I'm off to fill my bracket.

Enjoy!

-DJ