from diamond sea to...whoa, diamonds?!

One of those random planets that planet-looker-forers found is REALLY big.  And FULL of carbon!  That means, according to no scientists and one headline writer, it could be MADE OF DIAMONDS! 

Wow!  Diamonds everywhere!  Imagine what we could do with that! 

We could make cars out of diamonds that run on diamond fuel!

I could make a Fortress of Solitude like Superman.  Except made of diamonds! 

I could wear underwear MADE FROM DIAMONDS! 

The world could be run by DIAMOND ROBOTS!

The possibilities are endless! 

Endless...until we run out of diamonds.  So...kinda endless.  But with a possible end.  More like, endlessish.

Yeah.  That.

So, if you want to live on this possibly-covered-in-diamonds planet, you'll have to travel about 1,200 light years.  Which won't take long IN YOUR DIAMOND SPACESHIP POWERED BY DIAMONDS!

I'm off to my fortress of solitude.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

get him to the geek

Be warned, this is a comic book rant. I REALLY try not to do this too often, but sometimes people just get me so riled up.

You can skip today's blog and I will not be offended. It's totally not worth your time. I just have to get it out. Seriously, don't read it. It's really long. TOO long. Just come back again when I write about something interesting, okay? Thanks.

SO! There is a new Superman comic coming out. It's actually a graphic novel that revamps the story of Clark Kent moving to Metropolis. And people are FURIOUS!

They have this picture online of a young Clark looking like...well...what a 20-ish kid would look like today. People are saying they should never mess with such an iconic character. They say he looks like he's from Twilight or something. Okay, so the kids from Twilight are, like, in their 20's, right? I guess that makes sense. Shocking.

People should really read comic books. They've re-told the superman story a million times! In face, the whole DC Universe is constantly resetting itself! But people don't know that, so they just say all sorts of stinky things. And I'm insulted!

The art is beautiful. The artist, Shane Davis, should know that he did a great job. The inks and colors look awesome, too. And the writer, JMS, well...most of the time he's really good. I'm HOPING this is one of the good times.

BUT! All these people are posting mean things under the news story! They don't even know what's going on in the DC Universe! It's just so frustrating to read their comments. It hurts when they insult your passion and they clearly don't know anything about it. Sorry, but I'm sensitive.

I DO hope that maybe somebody who never read comics sees this new Superman, who looks like somebody from this decade, and decides to read it.

Now, if somebody wants to have an intelligent discussion about comic books, I'm all for it. But please know your stuff.

Okay. Rant done. I'm sorry you had to see that. But people SHOULD really think before they say such horrible things. And THAT is your life lesson for today. The more you know. Whoosh.

I'm off to do my breathing exercises.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

a valentine poem

If you're looking for a Valentine's Day poem for your loved one, I wrote it for you. Recite this:

Star Wars, G.I. Joe and Spider-Man are great movies.
I like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Batman.
Superman. Nova. Rocket Raccoon. Iceman.
The Hulk. The Flash. Captain America.
And you.

oh...and Wolverine is awesome!

The End.

After you use this poem, your partner will melt into a pile of goo. Don't do it over something absorbent like a sponge or cotton balls. I don't know how gooey your man or woman will become, but sometimes it's a very liquidy goo that will get sucked right up by a sham-wow.

You have your warnings and you have your poem. Go forth and make valentiney.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

superman?

I don't know how I missed this, but apparently Superman was the Inspector General of Homeland Security once. Of course, he went by the name Clark Kent...Ervin...but still.

I like to follow the news now, but back then, I didn't care that much. Lately, I've been hearing a lot from Clark Kent Ervin and he is now the head of the Homeland Security Program at the Aspen Institute.

His name really is Clark Kent Ervin. His older brother told his parents that they should name the new baby after his favorite super hero. They did. This is why his parents are awesome.

This is ALSO why children should name babies. It's WAY cooler!

Good names for babies: Batman, Spider-Man, Nightwing, Hulk, Nova and Rocket Raccoon.

Now, Clark Kent...Ervin...goes by that name. Obviously because he knows how cool it is to BE CLARK KENT! (ervin)

Would I like to meet him someday?

Yes.

Will I rip open his shirt to see if he has a costume on underneath?

I'd consider it, but since he's Superman AND part of Homeland Security, I feel like my chances of getting away from that situation unharmed are pretty slim.

But I like those odds.

I'm off to Aspen.

Enjoy!

-DJ

vacation 2009

It's vacation time again. Which means I won't get to blog with you for about a week. And that is sad. Well, for me. You might be excited about it. All three of you wonderful readers.

So, what do I do when I don't have a blog to write down all these random ideas that I have? I usually make towers out of silverware at restaurants. Yep. For some reason that is relaxing to me. Unless I have a pen and a napkin, then I might draw pictures of unicorns jumping over the sun.

I like going on planes. I don't like the popping ears thing, but flying is fun. And no, it's not because unicorns fly. I like to fly because Superman can fly. So, for a few hours I'm kinda like Superman. Even though the flight attendants hate it when I get on my stomach in the aisle and put my hands above my head and pretend I am flying.

I just crush one of their plastic cups and yell, "LOOK AT THE STRENGTH I HAVE!"

That usually means I don't get a free soda, but it's totally worth it to show off my muscles.

I'll see you in week!

I'm off to pack my comic books.

Enjoy!

-DJ

public transportation

I'm a fan of public transportation. It's good for the environment and it's pretty cheap, so you can't go wrong with that!

Normally, I would encourage people to use public transportation, but there is one spot that I would stay away from it.

Metropolis.

I was watching a Superman cartoon the other day and realized that NOBODY should use public transportation there. There is ALWAYS a train, monorail, or bus that is about to crash. Superman always seems to save everybody, but it's still risky. I mean, if he's fighting a big robot that smashes everything up, he could get knocked down for a second AND IN THAT SECOND, the train could come off the rails.

I would hope not, but seriously, why wouldn't you just get a car?! What if giant emu is destroying the city and eats your car? You have insurance! There HAS to be coverage for that sort of thing in Metropolis. It just makes sense.

That's all. I'm just trying to look out for the people of Metropolis. I'd hate to see anything bad happen. It's kind of like I'm saving lives...because I'm a superhero.

Sort of.

I'm off to save the world...with sound advice!

Enjoy!

-DJ

things to remember

I don't talk about politics too often, but this was just so silly that I had to bring it up. I'm not taking any sides, but this was funny. Did you hear about John McCain's little "I forgot" moment? Yeah, he couldn't remember how many houses he had. Now this could have been said by any insanely rich person, but McCain said it first in front of the press, so he gets all the jokes.

I have heard of things like "baby brain" where a woman becomes forgetful after giving birth. I have decided that there is now something called "McCain brain" where you forget about huge, important things in your life. For example, how many houses you own. It just shows how far removed our candidates are from the average person. If I were to ask anybody I know how many houses they owned, I would get the answer of either zero or one (with a mortgage).

So, here are a few things that you should NEVER forget if you are running for president if you want to relate to the common person:

How many houses you own - if you can't remember this, you might be too rich

How many children you have - if you can't remember this, you probably have too many or aren't very good at parenting.

How many jobs you have - and we don't want cheesy answer from our candidates like "well, running for president feels like 5 extra jobs." No, because some people actually work 5 jobs, so you're not funny. We hate that. Just say you have one job. We don't care if you do it, but don't joke.

Why people can't tell that Clark Kent and Superman is the same person - as it was clearly explained many years ago, he changes his voice and vibrates his head ever-so-slightly so you can't clearly see that they are the same person. duh.

Now, here are some things that you can forget because we all forget these things:

How many grains of sand there are in the world - we will forgive you for not knowing that because nobody does

How many comic books you have - who can remember that? I'm sure you all have more than a thousand, so don't worry about keeping track.

What you named your kids - that's easy to forget, so it's ok if you don't remember them, but, as previously stated, you should at least know the number of kids you own. Who cares what their names are, it's not like we want to talk to them. And if we do we can just yell, "Hey! Kid of presidential candidate! Come here!" See? That works.

The fact that leeches secrete an anticoagulant called hirudin when they suck your blood - sure we all know that, but we don't expect you to remember it.

So, McCain, Obama and other candidates that nobody remembers, there are your tips for running a smooth campaign. I just don't want you to get caught with your pants down again. Well, if THAT actually happened, I'm sure you wouldn't be in the campaign anymore. And it would be pretty funny.

I'm off to run for president.

Enjoy!

-DJ