Ok, that's not entirely true, but I know people who can! They told me that ants love to chat about current political events. It's all "Obama this" and "McCain that" and "Who has the better economic philosophy to help us with the collapse of the subprime mortgage market and credit crunch?" Frankly, I find it a little boring.
Ready for the big news? We have a new member of the ant family! It's true! My ant-talker friend, we'll call him Scott (comic book reference), told me that they found a brand new ant! Yeah! Isn't that exciting!
It was roaming around some fungi in the Amazon rainforest looking for the latest issue of "Politics Today" when some scientists realized we haven't seen an ant like this before. How did they know? Well, can't you look at an ant and tell whether it's a Leptanillinae or an Aenictogiton? I thought you could. So can the scientists. They noticed this little ant was different from all the other ants out there and decided to do a DNA test.
Guess what? It's the father!
Ha! No, it's not the ant version of Maury. They actually found out that this was probably one of the oldest species of ant ever. Dating back 120 million years. That's one crazy old ant family. They might have been around for the first election ever. They may have voted for Washington himself! I know, that's a loooooong time ago. I wonder if they had TV then? Hmmmmm...
They call this new ant the "ant from mars" because it's green and travels in little flying saucers. You might wonder why we haven't seen them all around the world if they can fly anywhere they want. Well, the little saucers have VERY little gas tanks, so they can really only go about a meter before they have to fill up. Hey, to an ant, that's, like, around the world!
So, if you're a myrmecologist, then you probably know all about this and are already having a "we're excited because we haven't found a new species of ant since 1923" party, but if you're an ASPIRING myrmecologist and you didn't know about it, I'd suggest looking up real information about this new ant and not using this blog as science fact. It is in my head, but not always to real people.
I'm off to lift 50x my own weight...oh, wait...I mean 1/50th my own weight...yeah...that seems doable.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Showing posts with label McCain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label McCain. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
things to remember
I don't talk about politics too often, but this was just so silly that I had to bring it up. I'm not taking any sides, but this was funny. Did you hear about John McCain's little "I forgot" moment? Yeah, he couldn't remember how many houses he had. Now this could have been said by any insanely rich person, but McCain said it first in front of the press, so he gets all the jokes.
I have heard of things like "baby brain" where a woman becomes forgetful after giving birth. I have decided that there is now something called "McCain brain" where you forget about huge, important things in your life. For example, how many houses you own. It just shows how far removed our candidates are from the average person. If I were to ask anybody I know how many houses they owned, I would get the answer of either zero or one (with a mortgage).
So, here are a few things that you should NEVER forget if you are running for president if you want to relate to the common person:
How many houses you own - if you can't remember this, you might be too rich
How many children you have - if you can't remember this, you probably have too many or aren't very good at parenting.
How many jobs you have - and we don't want cheesy answer from our candidates like "well, running for president feels like 5 extra jobs." No, because some people actually work 5 jobs, so you're not funny. We hate that. Just say you have one job. We don't care if you do it, but don't joke.
Why people can't tell that Clark Kent and Superman is the same person - as it was clearly explained many years ago, he changes his voice and vibrates his head ever-so-slightly so you can't clearly see that they are the same person. duh.
Now, here are some things that you can forget because we all forget these things:
How many grains of sand there are in the world - we will forgive you for not knowing that because nobody does
How many comic books you have - who can remember that? I'm sure you all have more than a thousand, so don't worry about keeping track.
What you named your kids - that's easy to forget, so it's ok if you don't remember them, but, as previously stated, you should at least know the number of kids you own. Who cares what their names are, it's not like we want to talk to them. And if we do we can just yell, "Hey! Kid of presidential candidate! Come here!" See? That works.
The fact that leeches secrete an anticoagulant called hirudin when they suck your blood - sure we all know that, but we don't expect you to remember it.
So, McCain, Obama and other candidates that nobody remembers, there are your tips for running a smooth campaign. I just don't want you to get caught with your pants down again. Well, if THAT actually happened, I'm sure you wouldn't be in the campaign anymore. And it would be pretty funny.
I'm off to run for president.
Enjoy!
-DJ
I have heard of things like "baby brain" where a woman becomes forgetful after giving birth. I have decided that there is now something called "McCain brain" where you forget about huge, important things in your life. For example, how many houses you own. It just shows how far removed our candidates are from the average person. If I were to ask anybody I know how many houses they owned, I would get the answer of either zero or one (with a mortgage).
So, here are a few things that you should NEVER forget if you are running for president if you want to relate to the common person:
How many houses you own - if you can't remember this, you might be too rich
How many children you have - if you can't remember this, you probably have too many or aren't very good at parenting.
How many jobs you have - and we don't want cheesy answer from our candidates like "well, running for president feels like 5 extra jobs." No, because some people actually work 5 jobs, so you're not funny. We hate that. Just say you have one job. We don't care if you do it, but don't joke.
Why people can't tell that Clark Kent and Superman is the same person - as it was clearly explained many years ago, he changes his voice and vibrates his head ever-so-slightly so you can't clearly see that they are the same person. duh.
Now, here are some things that you can forget because we all forget these things:
How many grains of sand there are in the world - we will forgive you for not knowing that because nobody does
How many comic books you have - who can remember that? I'm sure you all have more than a thousand, so don't worry about keeping track.
What you named your kids - that's easy to forget, so it's ok if you don't remember them, but, as previously stated, you should at least know the number of kids you own. Who cares what their names are, it's not like we want to talk to them. And if we do we can just yell, "Hey! Kid of presidential candidate! Come here!" See? That works.
The fact that leeches secrete an anticoagulant called hirudin when they suck your blood - sure we all know that, but we don't expect you to remember it.
So, McCain, Obama and other candidates that nobody remembers, there are your tips for running a smooth campaign. I just don't want you to get caught with your pants down again. Well, if THAT actually happened, I'm sure you wouldn't be in the campaign anymore. And it would be pretty funny.
I'm off to run for president.
Enjoy!
-DJ
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