What are they thinking?! Scientists have created "supersoldier" ants with HUGE HEADS! They figured out what genes to "mess around" with to give ants GIANT MANDIBLES!
REALLY?! Haven't these people watched ANY science FACT movies from the 50's! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!
I once saw a movie with giant grasshoppers. Do you know what happened. PEOPLE GOT HURT! They climbed buildings!
Do we REALLY want giant ants?! They lift 50 times their own weight. Do you know how much that is when an ant is bigger than you? I can tell you. IT'S A LOT!
Luckily, I have a backup plan. It involves gophers, hedgehogs and clip-on ties.
But we can avoid all this with one simple idea: Stop making giant ants.
INSTEAD! Let's make giant Hershey Kisses. I know what you're thinking, "They already make giant Hershey Kisses."
No. They don't. Those are kinda big Hershey Kisses. Bigger than the ones in the bag. But not GIANT. When I say giant, I MEAN GIANT! Like, as big as Australia! THAT is giant!
This way, we won't get eaten by giant ants. And we get chocolate.
I say that's a win-win. And two wins are better than a mandible crushing your head. Trust me, I know.
I'm off to talk with the hedgehogs.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label ants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ants. Show all posts
Friday, January 20, 2012
Friday, May 20, 2011
giant ants can lift fifty million times their own weight
That is NOT scientific fact. But that's only because it hasn't been tested yet.
"Monstrously big ants" were found in Wyoming! By "monstrously big" we mean about 2 inches. But they can lift 50 inches times their own weight. I don't know what the volume of that is, but I think it's big.
You might think that a 2-inch ant isn't too scary. How would you feel if you saw a mosquito that size! THAT would scare the pants off me! I may or may not have been wearing pants at the time of the scare, but if I DID have pants on, they would not be there for long!
Imagine a war between giant ants and giant mosquitoes. That would be cool. I picture ants having some heavy artillery. That might only be me remembering those Army Ants toys. Still, big guns that they could lift since they are so strong.
But the mosquitoes MIGHT have a good shot with their giant blood-sucking nose thing. That would be HUGE! And probably kinda deadly!
In my head, I totally see this fight happening. It is awesome. It's too bad you can't watch it, too. OH! DID YOU SEE THAT! OUCH!
Oh yeah...you can't see it. Boy, are you missing a good time in my head.
I'm off to watch the battle.
Enjoy Everything.
-DJ
"Monstrously big ants" were found in Wyoming! By "monstrously big" we mean about 2 inches. But they can lift 50 inches times their own weight. I don't know what the volume of that is, but I think it's big.
You might think that a 2-inch ant isn't too scary. How would you feel if you saw a mosquito that size! THAT would scare the pants off me! I may or may not have been wearing pants at the time of the scare, but if I DID have pants on, they would not be there for long!
Imagine a war between giant ants and giant mosquitoes. That would be cool. I picture ants having some heavy artillery. That might only be me remembering those Army Ants toys. Still, big guns that they could lift since they are so strong.
But the mosquitoes MIGHT have a good shot with their giant blood-sucking nose thing. That would be HUGE! And probably kinda deadly!
In my head, I totally see this fight happening. It is awesome. It's too bad you can't watch it, too. OH! DID YOU SEE THAT! OUCH!
Oh yeah...you can't see it. Boy, are you missing a good time in my head.
I'm off to watch the battle.
Enjoy Everything.
-DJ
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
i communicate with ants
Ok, that's not entirely true, but I know people who can! They told me that ants love to chat about current political events. It's all "Obama this" and "McCain that" and "Who has the better economic philosophy to help us with the collapse of the subprime mortgage market and credit crunch?" Frankly, I find it a little boring.
Ready for the big news? We have a new member of the ant family! It's true! My ant-talker friend, we'll call him Scott (comic book reference), told me that they found a brand new ant! Yeah! Isn't that exciting!
It was roaming around some fungi in the Amazon rainforest looking for the latest issue of "Politics Today" when some scientists realized we haven't seen an ant like this before. How did they know? Well, can't you look at an ant and tell whether it's a Leptanillinae or an Aenictogiton? I thought you could. So can the scientists. They noticed this little ant was different from all the other ants out there and decided to do a DNA test.
Guess what? It's the father!
Ha! No, it's not the ant version of Maury. They actually found out that this was probably one of the oldest species of ant ever. Dating back 120 million years. That's one crazy old ant family. They might have been around for the first election ever. They may have voted for Washington himself! I know, that's a loooooong time ago. I wonder if they had TV then? Hmmmmm...
They call this new ant the "ant from mars" because it's green and travels in little flying saucers. You might wonder why we haven't seen them all around the world if they can fly anywhere they want. Well, the little saucers have VERY little gas tanks, so they can really only go about a meter before they have to fill up. Hey, to an ant, that's, like, around the world!
So, if you're a myrmecologist, then you probably know all about this and are already having a "we're excited because we haven't found a new species of ant since 1923" party, but if you're an ASPIRING myrmecologist and you didn't know about it, I'd suggest looking up real information about this new ant and not using this blog as science fact. It is in my head, but not always to real people.
I'm off to lift 50x my own weight...oh, wait...I mean 1/50th my own weight...yeah...that seems doable.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Ready for the big news? We have a new member of the ant family! It's true! My ant-talker friend, we'll call him Scott (comic book reference), told me that they found a brand new ant! Yeah! Isn't that exciting!
It was roaming around some fungi in the Amazon rainforest looking for the latest issue of "Politics Today" when some scientists realized we haven't seen an ant like this before. How did they know? Well, can't you look at an ant and tell whether it's a Leptanillinae or an Aenictogiton? I thought you could. So can the scientists. They noticed this little ant was different from all the other ants out there and decided to do a DNA test.
Guess what? It's the father!
Ha! No, it's not the ant version of Maury. They actually found out that this was probably one of the oldest species of ant ever. Dating back 120 million years. That's one crazy old ant family. They might have been around for the first election ever. They may have voted for Washington himself! I know, that's a loooooong time ago. I wonder if they had TV then? Hmmmmm...
They call this new ant the "ant from mars" because it's green and travels in little flying saucers. You might wonder why we haven't seen them all around the world if they can fly anywhere they want. Well, the little saucers have VERY little gas tanks, so they can really only go about a meter before they have to fill up. Hey, to an ant, that's, like, around the world!
So, if you're a myrmecologist, then you probably know all about this and are already having a "we're excited because we haven't found a new species of ant since 1923" party, but if you're an ASPIRING myrmecologist and you didn't know about it, I'd suggest looking up real information about this new ant and not using this blog as science fact. It is in my head, but not always to real people.
I'm off to lift 50x my own weight...oh, wait...I mean 1/50th my own weight...yeah...that seems doable.
Enjoy!
-DJ
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