death laser

I don't know much about Buddhists, but they sure know how to rock. At least, they do in Singapore.

When you die, they will put your remains in an urn and have a LASER LIGHT SHOW!

That's totally awesome. There are smoke-machines and lights and a booming voice chanting comforting words. I don't know if they have strobe lights, but they should. That would be cool.

When I was a kid, my friend had a strobe light. It was fun.

When I die, I would like a strobe light. And a fountain. Because water looks cool with a strobe. You can see the droplets and stuff.

And if we can work the lasers and fog-machine into it, I would appreciate that.

I'm off to Singapore.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

scotus

Did you know that the Supreme Court of the United States is also known as SCOTUS? I never thought about it until I read it in some news article. It was about the Supreme Court. Beyond that, I didn't really care because I fell in love with the word SCOTUS. I've heard of POTUS for the president, but never thought about the Supreme Court. Heck, I didn't even know we had a Supreme Court until yesterday. Now I love them. Well, I love their acronym.

Scotus is the kind of word you can use in everyday conversation:

Person: "How are you feeling today?"

Me: "Totally Scotus!"

Person: "Nice. What are you going to do?"

Me: "I'm going to scotus to the store! And then eat some scotus dinner!"

Person: "Why are you shouting?"

Me: "SCOTUS!"

Wanna know what else is totally scotus? babieswithlasereyes.com It's just as it sounds. It's a website with pictures of babies with laser vision. Nothing entertains me more than babies making toast with their eyes.

I'm off to scotus.

Enjoy Everything

-DJ

robot groundhog

You may have heard that PETA wants to replace Phil with a robot because they say the Groundhog Day event is too stressful.

Whatever. Whether it is stressful or not, we should TOTALLY replace Phil with a robot! Because robots are awesome!

We could give him lasers and rocket boots and a sword! And he could eat diamonds!

The fear is that he could eventually evolve past his original programming and rebel against his human oppressors, but we have a backup plan.

The hummingbirds.

You don't think so? Have you seen these things?! They fly at, like, 60mph and have daggers on their face! With the hummingbirds on our side, we have NOTHING to worry about.

So let's get that robot groundhog and hope it rebels. I wanna watch that fight.

I'm off to find my shadow.

Enjoy Everything

-DJ

meat cards

A man has created business cards made out of meat. They're flat pieces of beef jerky with your contact info lasered onto it.

I don't know what else to say about it.

Person: "Here's my card."

Me: "This is meat."

Person: "It's a meat card."

Me: "You handed me a piece of meat. With words on it."

Person: "So you can contact me."

Me: "It's meat."

Person: "It's so you'll remember this meeting...with meat."

Me: "This is disgusting. You're trying to get business with animal carcass."

Person: "You can snack on it later."

Me: "It's old meat that was sitting in your pocket."

Person: "Well, I know you won't forget this meeting!"

Me: "I really wish I could."

And that is my conversation from yesterday. Then I threw a steak at him and ran away. Don't worry, I put a sticky-note with my contact info on the steak.

I'm off to eat a business card.

Enjoy!

-DJ

no more mosquitoes

Have you been hoping that scientists would figure out a way to get rid of mosquitoes? I bet you have. We're lucky to have bug zappers and fly swatters, but those don't really kill them enough.

Have you ever thought to yourself, "There has to be a better way to destroy these pesky bugs!"

Well! That way is here! WITH LASERS!

Scientists have created a mosquito laser. Without getting into too much detail, lights shine onto mosquitoes, computers target them from the shadow, then the laser shoots them. And we all know what happens when you get shot with a laser.

Poof.

I wonder if that isn't a little excessive. I mean, sure mosquitoes are annoying, but lasers? Really? Isn't that like trying to wash dishes with a fire hose and sandpaper?

"Okay! Hold that plate! When I turn on the hose...scrub!"

"Got it!"

"Here we go!"

PHWOOOOOSH

And the poor chap holding the sandpaper gets whammered into the next town. And it's a bad town full of zombie bunnies. So clearly, this is a bad idea.

There you go. Mosquito lasers. I don't know if we're safe from them, but hopefully I won't get lasered. Or whammered.

I'm off to drink from the fire hose.

Enjoy!

-DJ