ninja time

Are you a ninja? If you are, that's cool. If you are NOT, welllllllllllll then, have we got a deal for you!

There's a guy in New York who will teach you "effective methods of self-protection" including "how to avoid the assault of a sword."

He can teach you how to be a ninja for only $195 a lesson! That's a bargain!

So, if you're looking for something to do this summer. Why not become a ninja?

Or maybe get a gift certificate for a loved one so they can become a ninja? I heard grandma wanted to learn some kenjutsu.

Even if she didn't say that, she was totally thinking it. All grandmas love ninjutsu.

I'm off to practice effective methods of self-protection.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

post-it

Did you know that the post-it note turned 30 this month? Yeah. It was April of 1980 that the first post-it was stuck to a wall. Unfortunately, the post-it wasn't dated, so they weren't sure of the exact day, but it did say "Pay April's rent before the end of the month." So, we got that part right.

I love post-it notes. I pretty much owe them my life. I have notes everywhere reminding me of stuff. Like:

"Don't fall on swords."

"Lasers will probably go through skin. So don't play with them."

"You can't fly, so don't walk off cliffs."

I have them everywhere.

Did you know CNN also started in 1980? Also! The Supreme Court allowed patents for living organisms! I didn't even know that! Can I patent me?! Or some sort of new human/robot hybrid that I create?

I need to write that down on a post-it. Hold on...oh wait. I already have it.

"Human/robot hybrids will probably have laser eyes. Refer to laser post-it before pursuing."

Oh. Got it. Saved my life again.

I'm off to post-it.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

swords are for swording

This guy in Australia swallowed 18 swords. He wanted to have the world record. And he does. He's been practicing for 15 years. He started doing this when he was 16. Now, he is 31. And he has the world record for sword swallowing. Um...good job?

I don't understand why somebody would swallow a sword. I guess it could be helpful if you were getting attacked with a sword and the attacker tried to stab you in your mouth. Very slowly and carefully. Actually, no. I don't see that happening.

You know what swords are good for? Swording. If you feel like swallowing one, try HVAC instead. Don't swallow it, get into the business. I hear they make good money. And when HVAC specialists are not fixing your heating, they are probably not swallowing swords. Though they might be using a sword to attack HVAC's evil nemesis, Unregulated Temperature.

Oooooooh...scary! And humid!

I'm off to sword stuff in a comfortable environment.

Enjoy Everything

-DJ

robot groundhog

You may have heard that PETA wants to replace Phil with a robot because they say the Groundhog Day event is too stressful.

Whatever. Whether it is stressful or not, we should TOTALLY replace Phil with a robot! Because robots are awesome!

We could give him lasers and rocket boots and a sword! And he could eat diamonds!

The fear is that he could eventually evolve past his original programming and rebel against his human oppressors, but we have a backup plan.

The hummingbirds.

You don't think so? Have you seen these things?! They fly at, like, 60mph and have daggers on their face! With the hummingbirds on our side, we have NOTHING to worry about.

So let's get that robot groundhog and hope it rebels. I wanna watch that fight.

I'm off to find my shadow.

Enjoy Everything

-DJ