I know how to drive an automobile. Or, as the kids call it, a horseless carriage. And sometimes, when the police are not patrolling, I am actually allowed to drive places!
It's a lot of fun. But I do it responsibly. Partly because I like safety. Mostly because I don't want to go to jail.
For the past few weeks, I've noticed something odd during my driving adventures.
Car bumpers.
YEP! They're everywhere! Just sitting there on the side of the road!
Now, I bet you're wondering "Why would car bumpers just abandon the rest of their car bodies?"
I have 37 theories. 26 involve ninjas. 5 require large red dragons. 3 rely on theoretical physics. And 2 need me in space.
There is one other theory, but it's just too crazy to even mention. But, just in case, if you see a dinosaur with stars instead of horns that knows how to recite Shakespeare and rides on a blue cloud, please tell me. That would totally confirm my last theory.
I'd love to hear your theories. But I'm sure I already thought of it. I mean, I do have 37 of them. That's kind of a lot.
I'm off to check my bumper for ninjas.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label cars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cars. Show all posts
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
bee miles
I just read an article that says bees can travel 4,704,208 miles per gallon. Via honey-fuel. I don't know why they did this study, but I guess they wanted to figure out how efficient a bee was compared to a car. Even though they are not related at all.
I tried to figure out how much a human could get. Not by myself, I looked it up online hoping somebody else already did the work. They kinda did, but not very clearly. One site said we could get 400mpg if humans actually ran on gasoline. Another used food, the actual stuff we eat, and found that we get about 12mpg.
Solution? Internal combustion engine. Internal meaning inside your chest. Bam! We eat food and drink gas and we get, like, 200mpg!
You could totally do this to me. I've lost feeling around my ribs, so surgery should be no problem.
Also, maybe you could add a bee in there. I could get 100,000mpg if I eat some honey as well. I could also sting people with my words. Because that's what happens when you have a bee living inside of you. And I have a sharp wit. Wha-pshhh! (that's my whip sound, in case you didn't know).
You're welcome, environment. I just made everybody more fuel efficient. And, I have a whip.
I'm off to internally combust.
Enjoy Everything.
-DJ
I tried to figure out how much a human could get. Not by myself, I looked it up online hoping somebody else already did the work. They kinda did, but not very clearly. One site said we could get 400mpg if humans actually ran on gasoline. Another used food, the actual stuff we eat, and found that we get about 12mpg.
Solution? Internal combustion engine. Internal meaning inside your chest. Bam! We eat food and drink gas and we get, like, 200mpg!
You could totally do this to me. I've lost feeling around my ribs, so surgery should be no problem.
Also, maybe you could add a bee in there. I could get 100,000mpg if I eat some honey as well. I could also sting people with my words. Because that's what happens when you have a bee living inside of you. And I have a sharp wit. Wha-pshhh! (that's my whip sound, in case you didn't know).
You're welcome, environment. I just made everybody more fuel efficient. And, I have a whip.
I'm off to internally combust.
Enjoy Everything.
-DJ
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