bee miles

I just read an article that says bees can travel 4,704,208 miles per gallon. Via honey-fuel. I don't know why they did this study, but I guess they wanted to figure out how efficient a bee was compared to a car. Even though they are not related at all.

I tried to figure out how much a human could get. Not by myself, I looked it up online hoping somebody else already did the work. They kinda did, but not very clearly. One site said we could get 400mpg if humans actually ran on gasoline. Another used food, the actual stuff we eat, and found that we get about 12mpg.

Solution? Internal combustion engine. Internal meaning inside your chest. Bam! We eat food and drink gas and we get, like, 200mpg!

You could totally do this to me. I've lost feeling around my ribs, so surgery should be no problem.

Also, maybe you could add a bee in there. I could get 100,000mpg if I eat some honey as well. I could also sting people with my words. Because that's what happens when you have a bee living inside of you. And I have a sharp wit. Wha-pshhh! (that's my whip sound, in case you didn't know).

You're welcome, environment. I just made everybody more fuel efficient. And, I have a whip.

I'm off to internally combust.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

the city of homes

I was talking to the traffic guy at work this morning and he asked me what Springfield was called. I told him it was the "City of Homes." I guess he didn't believe me because when we spoke a little later, he told me I was right...after he looked it up online.

Yeah. He thought it was so dumb that I was making a joke. As if I were saying it's the city of trees because it has trees in it. No. Sacramento is the city of trees.

Where did these nicknames come from? Did one of the founders look over Springfield and say, "I see a lot of homes here. You could, in fact, say that it is a city of homes."

To which his companion/sidekick would say, "I agree sir, but wouldn't that be true of all cities?"

And our founder would reply, "No. Only my town has homes. All the others have houses. No sausage for you tonight."

People were mean back then.

Are you interested in some of the other nicknames for our Western Mass cities? Grand! I will tell you!

West Springfield: West Side! Yeah...because it's the west side of Springfield. Another brilliant observation.

Amherst: (there are actually two...and they are gems) A-town and The Herst. Wow...really? Ok, so let's start off with "The Herst." Did somebody think that was cool in, like, 1983?

"Yo, I'm stoked to the max that I'm going to The Herst today. Totally."

Riiiiiight...and I don't even want to start with "A-town." I'm guessing that was an insult because it looks too much like another "a-" word.

Northampton: (another twofer) Hamp and NoHo. Hamp is about as cool as Herst. Scratch that. Hamp about as bodacious as Herst. I'm pretty sure they just stole NoHo from New York.

The final two that I have today are nothing special but I will give them honorable mentions because they are good from a business point of view.

Holyoke is Paper City and Westfield is Whip City. Holyoke is a good supplier of paper and Westfield sells a lot of whips. Which, for some reason, are still in demand even though nobody rides horses. I can't figure that out. I'll have to look it up.

So there you have it. I don't want you to think I'm making fun of Western Mass. I just wanted to keep it local. I could do this all day if I looked at every city in America. Remember Sacramento? It's the city of Trees. Wait...are you saying there are trees there? WOW! That's some keen observational skills! (heavy on the Sacramento sarcasm)

I'm off to The Herst...because it is rad to the max.

Enjoy!

-DJ