little bittle skittle

Have you seen the Skittles Riddles? They are Skittles flavors, BUT the color doesn't match the flavor inside!

So, if you get a purple Skittle, you don't know if it's cherry or banana or table or rubber or chocolate or what!

But I would like to ask a question...Does it matter?

I have, at times, taken every color of Skittle and put them with their own colors for various reasons. Twice for eating.

I have found that a handful of Skittles of ANY color tastes good. Sugary fruit! That's it!

So do I care what color the Skittle is on the outside? NO! They all taste like sugar! Because that's all they are! And that is all I want them to be!

It's not like yellow Skittles are yellow because they use lemons to make them. I know that and I'm okay with it.

So who are they really fooling with these?

Your children. Someday, if you buy these, your child will have NO idea what color goes with what fruit. They'll see a Lime and call it a Strawberry. You can tell them otherwise, but they'll just say, "Strawberries taste green, lady!" They will say that to you whether you are the mother or the father.

And whose fault is that? Skittles.

Do you know what they should do? They should combine Skittles and M&M's. YES! Why have a peanut or a pretzel in your M&M's when you could have a Skittle in there?!

How awesome would that be?! WHY DON'T THEY HAVE THIS!

It's a conspiracy! It's a fruit-color-chocolate-coated conspiracy! I'm going to go buy a bag of Skittles and a bag of M&M's right now. JUST to prove how good it is. Not the little bags, either. I'm going LARGE BAG!

I'm off to get a tummy ache.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

just put some chocolate on it and call it a day

Turns out today is "National Cover Anything With Chocolate Day." They used to make cards for this holiday, but people would just cover them with chocolate and nobody could read them.

So they stopped.

Now they just make chocolate. For the covering of things. Any things.

What would YOU cover in chocolate? You could cover anything and EVERYTHING! Why not?!

Need a book cover for school? Use chocolate!

Need a cover band? How about chocolate!

Cover letter for a job? CHOCOLATE!

Need to go UNDER COVER?! UNDER CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!

Look at all the covers that exist for chocolating!

What better way to get the weekend started off right?!

Cover it! With chocolate!

And it's more fun to sing it like 2 In A Room's "Wiggle It (Just A Little Bit)!"

(singing) Cover it...with some chocolate!

I'm off to 1990.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

golden goblets of chocolate

Today is National Chocolate Day. Well, one of them, at least. It is also National Chocolate Day on December 28 and December 29. Then, it's National Milk Chocolate Day on July 28. Finally! It is National Chocolate week in March.

So, you have plenty of times to celebrate chocolate! If you weren't doing it already.

Doing some research on chocolate, I found out that the Aztec Emperor Montezuma drank 50 golden goblets of hot chocolate every morning. It was thick, dyed red and flavored with chili peppers. I don't know what they used for the red dye, but with that much chocolate in his system, it probably doesn't matter.

Why am I not drinking that every morning! That sounds like the greatest breakfast ever! Heck, I would be happy with one golden goblet with coffee. THAT would be awesome! How cool would I look drinking my beverage from a golden goblet?

"Get me my golden goblet, puny underling! I require gallons of hot chocolate in my system!"

"Sire, don't you think that is a little too much chocolate in the morning?"

"Don't you think you should get me my chocolate before I throw you into the pit of lions and sharp objects?!"

"Yes, sire."

Of course, those who serve me well will be rewarded with lavish gifts. Like hugs. And maybe a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon...mmmm...

I'm off to chug my chocolate.

Enjoy!

-DJ

choices

A friend of mine got a coupon. I guess there is a store that will "reward" you for shopping with them. If you scan the card, they'll give you points and stuff. Finally, after you get some points, you can get a coupon.

But not just ANY coupon! A coupon good for one of two things! That's right, you get to CHOOSE what you want!

Her choice? A disposable toothbrush or chocolate. Seriously. That's what they give you.

WHAT?! That's not a choice! That's a desperate plea to get rid of disposable toothbrushers!

I think next month the coupon will be for a free punch in the gut or a pillow. Maybe after that they'll give you the choice of nail clippers or your very own cloud that you can ride around the world! How about the option of window cleaner or a suit made of cotton balls?!

Actually, my windows are kinda dirty, so that might be a tough one.

I'm off to brush my disposable teeth.

Enjoy!

-DJ

weak water

I'm convinced that my water loses pressure throughout the day. You might think I'm crazy, but I'm not.

It all started after I lost water. Then lost hot water. When it came back, the water started getting tired at the end of the day. I suppose I can understand that because I get tired as the day goes on, but water never did that before.

I'm afraid water is tired of giving us so much. We've taken water for granted for far too long. It just doesn't feel appreciated.

Me (to myself): hmmmm...I turn on the faucet, but the water is barely coming out.

Water: Eh...I'm just not in the mood to flow.

Me (to water): But you have to water! I need you!

Water: yeah...whatever...zzzzzzz (that is the sound of water sleeping)

It's time to show water we care! Maybe next time you wash your hands, say thank you. Or when you take a shower, yell out "I love you water!"

Water doesn't have to quench our thirst. But it does.

I'm off to buy a box of chocolates for my water.

Enjoy!

-DJ

zero calories

A Harvard professor has created a new inhaler to help with your chocolate cravings. He has put chocolate-flavored powder in a tube that you can spray into your mouth. Like an inhaler.

This will, supposedly, make you eat less chocolate. You can get raspberry, mint, mango and plain chocolate. Yum!

I guess it's handy in a medical emergency. If you have chocolate-asthma...chocasthma?

Runner 1: Huff...puff...huff...I need my inhaler. My asthma is acting up...huff...

Runner 2: Huff...puff...me too...huff...

Runner 1: Puff...I didn't know you had asthma...

Runner 2: I don't...huff...it's chocolate flavored...

Runner 1: Huff...then why do you need it?

Runner 2: Why do you need yours?

Runner 1: Um...so I don't die?

Runner 2: Same here, my friend, same here... *psshhhhh* (chocolate inhaler action) Yeah...that's the stuff...

Would inhaling chocolate make you feel better after a brisk run? Probably not. Will a king size Hershey bar make you feel better after a brisk run? HECK YEAH! Science has proven it! And by science, I mean that I would totally eat a giant Hershey bar after running and love it!

So, if inhaling chocolate is good enough for you, then the product is out there. I don't really see this as working. If I bought a bag of jelly beans and sniffed it all day long, I would have to eat them all by the end of the day. When I say "have" to eat them, I literally mean that I would HAVE to eat them. It would become a law of nature. Like gravity. Or jokes about Canada.

I'm off to inhale my candy.

Enjoy!

-DJ