bending light and not bending time

I can bend light by the speed of my car! As I was driving into work today, the lights hitting my windshield (or windscreen in England) were all bending and curving towards the lower left. It was beautiful!

Most of the time, when I drive to work, I pay attention to the road and that's kinda boring. But this morning, I could watch the lights bend and I didn't even have to watch where I was going!

I've always felt that the speed of my car would change my gravitational pull. Clearly it does. Since I was creating enough gravity to bend light.

Sadly, I could not bend time and I was a few minutes late to work. Bending time is much harder to do.

It's also harder to write songs about.

Sorry, that's an inside joke that maybe 6 other people will get. And only 3 will read. But trust me, if you KNEW about the song Bending Time, you would think any joke about it is hilarious. Seriously. You should just laugh because you know it's actually funny.

Go ahead, laugh. I'll wait.

See! I told you it was funny! Don't you love inside jokes?

I do too. That's why we get along so well. We never know what we're laughing about. But at least we're laughing!

I'm off to bend stuff.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

zero calories

A Harvard professor has created a new inhaler to help with your chocolate cravings. He has put chocolate-flavored powder in a tube that you can spray into your mouth. Like an inhaler.

This will, supposedly, make you eat less chocolate. You can get raspberry, mint, mango and plain chocolate. Yum!

I guess it's handy in a medical emergency. If you have chocolate-asthma...chocasthma?

Runner 1: Huff...puff...huff...I need my inhaler. My asthma is acting up...huff...

Runner 2: Huff...puff...me too...huff...

Runner 1: Puff...I didn't know you had asthma...

Runner 2: I don't...huff...it's chocolate flavored...

Runner 1: Huff...then why do you need it?

Runner 2: Why do you need yours?

Runner 1: Um...so I don't die?

Runner 2: Same here, my friend, same here... *psshhhhh* (chocolate inhaler action) Yeah...that's the stuff...

Would inhaling chocolate make you feel better after a brisk run? Probably not. Will a king size Hershey bar make you feel better after a brisk run? HECK YEAH! Science has proven it! And by science, I mean that I would totally eat a giant Hershey bar after running and love it!

So, if inhaling chocolate is good enough for you, then the product is out there. I don't really see this as working. If I bought a bag of jelly beans and sniffed it all day long, I would have to eat them all by the end of the day. When I say "have" to eat them, I literally mean that I would HAVE to eat them. It would become a law of nature. Like gravity. Or jokes about Canada.

I'm off to inhale my candy.

Enjoy!

-DJ