Tonight, things are dropped to signify midnight. Why is midnight so special? I don't know. I think it has to do with some vampire books or something. Oh wait...that's twilight, not midnight. Oh, whatever...
This year, I'm going to drop my head to my pillow to celebrate midnight. I can't guarantee that it will happen at midnight and not 9:30, but that's practically the same time.
Did you know that there are places outside of my bedroom that also drop "stuff"?
In Lebanon, Pennsylvania you can see bologna. Yep. They drop a seven-foot piece of bologna. AND, if you pick it up within 5 seconds, you can eat it. (5-second rule!)
The folks in Wisconsin drop a hunk of cheese. Same rules apply.
Now, if we could just get Indianapolis (the home of Wonder bread, of course) to drop a few giant slices of bread, we could have a sandwich! A giant midnight bologna and cheese sandwich! Vampires would love that!
Maybe you should find something to drop. I dropped my keys this morning. I think that happened around 4:44am. That's pretty much the same as dropping a ball at midnight. I'll call that my celebration. It was a rockin' party. You totally missed out on it. I can barely keep my eyes open...not because I'm tired from lack of sleep BUT because I danced so much...at 4:44am this morning. Yeah...
I'm off to drop the ball.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
hold on one second
This year we are adding a leap second to our clocks. It seems people are all sorts of messed up about this. I'm not kidding. I just read an article about the problems people are having with this.
We go by Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) and they'll be adding a second to the year. So, when everybody else is counting down to midnight on New Year's Eve, you should wait a second, then start. You will be right on time.
Unfortunately, there is another way to tell time. With Atomic Power! OOOOOOH! International Atomic Time can give us the most accurate time, but using it will cause an uproar. Why? Because in a thousand years, things will be different by an hour. Yep. I don't understand why it works this way, but instead of the sun being at its highest point at noon, it will be at its highest point at 1pm. Oh, chaos will also ensue.
I really don't understand why we couldn't just move our clocks back an hour to line it up with noon again. Scientists haven't figured out how to do this yet with Atomic clocks. I think it has to do with the fact that they are atomic and will blow up if you try to change them.
Anyway, those mean Greenwich people are going to add a second to the clocks this year, so make sure you change your clocks at home...quickly.
Some scientists are worried about the problems that will arise from adding that second. I'm pretty sure all computers will shut down. Then they will come alive and attack you. I know your computer doesn't have any arms or anything, but it might be a good idea to unplug your mouse and keyboard since your computer can use them as weapons.
I'm just trying to keep you from getting a mouse to the face. That can hurt. Some scientists have said that your computer might actually grow arms and legs, so you might want to keep an eye on it. If, at any point, your computer starts to look like a Transformer, I would smash it with an anvil. That's just what I would do, though. You can do whatever you want. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
I'm off to set my clocks.
Enjoy!
-DJ
We go by Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) and they'll be adding a second to the year. So, when everybody else is counting down to midnight on New Year's Eve, you should wait a second, then start. You will be right on time.
Unfortunately, there is another way to tell time. With Atomic Power! OOOOOOH! International Atomic Time can give us the most accurate time, but using it will cause an uproar. Why? Because in a thousand years, things will be different by an hour. Yep. I don't understand why it works this way, but instead of the sun being at its highest point at noon, it will be at its highest point at 1pm. Oh, chaos will also ensue.
I really don't understand why we couldn't just move our clocks back an hour to line it up with noon again. Scientists haven't figured out how to do this yet with Atomic clocks. I think it has to do with the fact that they are atomic and will blow up if you try to change them.
Anyway, those mean Greenwich people are going to add a second to the clocks this year, so make sure you change your clocks at home...quickly.
Some scientists are worried about the problems that will arise from adding that second. I'm pretty sure all computers will shut down. Then they will come alive and attack you. I know your computer doesn't have any arms or anything, but it might be a good idea to unplug your mouse and keyboard since your computer can use them as weapons.
I'm just trying to keep you from getting a mouse to the face. That can hurt. Some scientists have said that your computer might actually grow arms and legs, so you might want to keep an eye on it. If, at any point, your computer starts to look like a Transformer, I would smash it with an anvil. That's just what I would do, though. You can do whatever you want. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
I'm off to set my clocks.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
recession eve
I wonder if Santa had to let go of some elves because of the bad economy. Do you think some elves are out there right now looking for a job? What kind of jobs would they go for? Clerical? IT?
"So, it says here that you have magic fingers. What does that mean?"
"Well, I can magically put together a toy train."
"Hmmm...yes...I see. But can those magic fingers help if we lose vital information on our network."
"Um...yes?"
"You're hired!"
YAY! It's a Christmas miracle!
Maybe the Keebler elves are looking for help.
"So what can you bring to this company?"
"Well, I'm a magical elf...so...there's that."
"Right. Can you make a sandwich cookie by putting chocolate in between two elf cookies?"
"Um...I can put together a doll...does that count?"
"Yeah...we don't really do that sort of thing here. How are you at customer service?"
"Um...I'm a magical elf?"
"We'll call you."
I guess that's not much of a miracle. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.
I'm off to see if the Lucky Charms guy needs an understudy.
Enjoy!
-DJ
"So, it says here that you have magic fingers. What does that mean?"
"Well, I can magically put together a toy train."
"Hmmm...yes...I see. But can those magic fingers help if we lose vital information on our network."
"Um...yes?"
"You're hired!"
YAY! It's a Christmas miracle!
Maybe the Keebler elves are looking for help.
"So what can you bring to this company?"
"Well, I'm a magical elf...so...there's that."
"Right. Can you make a sandwich cookie by putting chocolate in between two elf cookies?"
"Um...I can put together a doll...does that count?"
"Yeah...we don't really do that sort of thing here. How are you at customer service?"
"Um...I'm a magical elf?"
"We'll call you."
I guess that's not much of a miracle. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.
I'm off to see if the Lucky Charms guy needs an understudy.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
last minute shopping
If you are looking for that last minute gift for the hunter in your family, have I got a treat for you! Ok, so I'm not much into hunting. I'm not a huge fan of guns. I'm more of a light saber sort of guy. I know what you'll say, hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, but I'm old fashioned like that.
I happened to find this wonderful catalog for hunters. You can order camouflage bedding. Yep. Just in case you are bringing your King-size bed into the woods and you don't want any animals seeing you sleeping.
Another great item is for little kids. According to them, kids love animal heads mounted on walls. I didn't know that. That's the last thing I thought a kid would love. BUT, since they do love that, now they can have their own with these stuffed animal heads that can be mounted to any wall. So, if you hunt stuffed animals, you can proudly show off your trophies.
The best thing about this catalog is that it also thinks about the lovely lady in the male hunter's life. On the cover, next to the waterproof work boots, is a necklace. It is a gold necklace with diamonds in it. It is also shaped like a heart. What better way to say I love than with heart necklace and a fresh kill.
There you go, now I helped you finish all your shopping. Don't say I never do anything for you.
I'm off to hunt for the perfect gift.
Enjoy!
-DJ
I happened to find this wonderful catalog for hunters. You can order camouflage bedding. Yep. Just in case you are bringing your King-size bed into the woods and you don't want any animals seeing you sleeping.
Another great item is for little kids. According to them, kids love animal heads mounted on walls. I didn't know that. That's the last thing I thought a kid would love. BUT, since they do love that, now they can have their own with these stuffed animal heads that can be mounted to any wall. So, if you hunt stuffed animals, you can proudly show off your trophies.
The best thing about this catalog is that it also thinks about the lovely lady in the male hunter's life. On the cover, next to the waterproof work boots, is a necklace. It is a gold necklace with diamonds in it. It is also shaped like a heart. What better way to say I love than with heart necklace and a fresh kill.
There you go, now I helped you finish all your shopping. Don't say I never do anything for you.
I'm off to hunt for the perfect gift.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Monday, December 22, 2008
one nation under wii
I found this pretty interesting. The headline was "The Nintendo Wii Is More Popular Than God."
Wow. That's pretty bold! I don't think they mean throughout history, but in 2008, Wii beat God in internet searches by 76%.
I guess that makes sense because you already know where to find God, right? I mean, depending on your beliefs, God is everywhere, so it's, like, easy to find him/her/it. I would imagine God hated playing hide and seek.
"9, 10. Ready or not! Here I come! (open eyes) I found God! God's it!"
It's tough to hide when you're everywhere. The Wii, on the other hand, is not that easy to find. So obviously, you would probably have to search for the Wii.
And I'm sure God doesn't care about popularity contests. God's above all that. I bed if God was reading the paper and saw that headline, he/she/it would probably not care.
"Hmmm...Alfred, did you see that the Wii is more popular than I am?"
"I did not see that, God." (I'm pretty sure God has a butler named Alfred...just like Batman. I think God also wears a cape.)
"I bet the Wii can't even make a peninsula...let alone an entire universe."
"I don't believe the Wii can do that, God.”
"You're darn tootin it can't...I still want one for Christmas, though."
"I'll look for it on the internet."
"Thank you Alfred...and maybe you could get me a triceratops for Hanukkah."
HA! I knew I wasn't the only person who wanted one of those!
Did you know that the part of land connecting a peninsula to the mainland is an isthmus? That is such a cool word. I will ride my triceratops over the isthmus onto the peninsula.
I'm off to isthmus.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Wow. That's pretty bold! I don't think they mean throughout history, but in 2008, Wii beat God in internet searches by 76%.
I guess that makes sense because you already know where to find God, right? I mean, depending on your beliefs, God is everywhere, so it's, like, easy to find him/her/it. I would imagine God hated playing hide and seek.
"9, 10. Ready or not! Here I come! (open eyes) I found God! God's it!"
It's tough to hide when you're everywhere. The Wii, on the other hand, is not that easy to find. So obviously, you would probably have to search for the Wii.
And I'm sure God doesn't care about popularity contests. God's above all that. I bed if God was reading the paper and saw that headline, he/she/it would probably not care.
"Hmmm...Alfred, did you see that the Wii is more popular than I am?"
"I did not see that, God." (I'm pretty sure God has a butler named Alfred...just like Batman. I think God also wears a cape.)
"I bet the Wii can't even make a peninsula...let alone an entire universe."
"I don't believe the Wii can do that, God.”
"You're darn tootin it can't...I still want one for Christmas, though."
"I'll look for it on the internet."
"Thank you Alfred...and maybe you could get me a triceratops for Hanukkah."
HA! I knew I wasn't the only person who wanted one of those!
Did you know that the part of land connecting a peninsula to the mainland is an isthmus? That is such a cool word. I will ride my triceratops over the isthmus onto the peninsula.
I'm off to isthmus.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Thursday, December 18, 2008
christmas cards
Ok, so how boring are christmas cards. I mean, it's nice to get them from friends, but they're SO SAPPY! Picture ones aren't TOO bad because they could have a fun picture from a friend, but they still usually say something boring about love and magic and family.
BOOOOOORING!
No offense to anybody who sent me a card. I appreciate being remembered by you and I know your options are limited. The secret greeting card industry has a meeting every year on top of old Smokey to discuss the sappiness of their christmas cards. Usually nobody shows up and they just go with what they got. Well, it is covered in snow, so it's not exactly the best place for a meeting.
This year I decided to spice them up a little bit. Which, after a few of those, I got tired of being spicy so I just said Merry Christmas or something. Eh, I'm lazy. Some folks did get strange messages about popcorn and the color purple and the fact that I want a SUPER AWESOME TRICERATOPS from Santa. See yesterday's blog for details.
Why can't they make cards fun? I know you can buy some with silly phrases on them, but those aren't silly enough for me. Why can't they say stuff like, "Eat lots of cookies when you visit your grandparents because Santa said cookies are good for you and Santa doesn't like to eat cookies alone."
Or, (Front) "The recipe for a good Christmas." (Inside) "Ask for a cookie jar, then fill it with cookies, then eat the cookies, then pass out, then wake up the next morning for presents."
How about this one if you're Jewish: The front just has a picture of a ninja. The inside says, "The Hanukkah Ninja will leave you presents, but ONLY if you remember to light the menorah. If you don't, the ninja will eat all your cookies. And probably do ninja things around your house...like hit stuff with his foot and sword."
Oh well. I guess I'll just deal with good will and all that jazz. OOOOOH! How about a card done in "scat".
(Front) How do you say "Happy Holidays" like a jazz scatter?
(Inside) Scoobie do wop bop bop a shibby dibby do wop pop pop doo doo.
You should hear me sing it. It totally sounds like I'm saying Happy Holidays.
I'm off to scattara dang a boodie doop.
Enjoy!
-DJ
BOOOOOORING!
No offense to anybody who sent me a card. I appreciate being remembered by you and I know your options are limited. The secret greeting card industry has a meeting every year on top of old Smokey to discuss the sappiness of their christmas cards. Usually nobody shows up and they just go with what they got. Well, it is covered in snow, so it's not exactly the best place for a meeting.
This year I decided to spice them up a little bit. Which, after a few of those, I got tired of being spicy so I just said Merry Christmas or something. Eh, I'm lazy. Some folks did get strange messages about popcorn and the color purple and the fact that I want a SUPER AWESOME TRICERATOPS from Santa. See yesterday's blog for details.
Why can't they make cards fun? I know you can buy some with silly phrases on them, but those aren't silly enough for me. Why can't they say stuff like, "Eat lots of cookies when you visit your grandparents because Santa said cookies are good for you and Santa doesn't like to eat cookies alone."
Or, (Front) "The recipe for a good Christmas." (Inside) "Ask for a cookie jar, then fill it with cookies, then eat the cookies, then pass out, then wake up the next morning for presents."
How about this one if you're Jewish: The front just has a picture of a ninja. The inside says, "The Hanukkah Ninja will leave you presents, but ONLY if you remember to light the menorah. If you don't, the ninja will eat all your cookies. And probably do ninja things around your house...like hit stuff with his foot and sword."
Oh well. I guess I'll just deal with good will and all that jazz. OOOOOH! How about a card done in "scat".
(Front) How do you say "Happy Holidays" like a jazz scatter?
(Inside) Scoobie do wop bop bop a shibby dibby do wop pop pop doo doo.
You should hear me sing it. It totally sounds like I'm saying Happy Holidays.
I'm off to scattara dang a boodie doop.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
oh my gosh! I soooo want one!
Have you seen Kota the triceratops? You HAVE to buy this! This is the COOLEST toy EVER MADE! You may think to yourself, "The greatest toy ever made is the Hula Hoop." But you would be SO WRONG! Kota could totally eat your hula hoop.
Kota is so cool that he even has his own website. Kota is a triceratops that you can actually ride. No joke. With just 6 D batteries, Kota will walk, roar and eat leafy greens! That's not cool enough? Let me quote you something from the website: "Your kids will enjoy their prehistoric journey by flipping a hidden switch that will play adventure-themed songs." SONGS TOO!!!! HOT DOG!!!
(Editors note: That is not an exact quote from the website. They have some mad typos on there, so I fixed them...which is weird because I never fix my own.)
Imagine riding this thing to school. You would be the coolest kid IN THE WORLD! YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DINOSAUR! HOW CAN YOU BEAT THAT?!
If you're not loving this, we can't be friends anymore. It's a baby triceratops, THAT YOU RIDE! DON'T YOU GET IT!?!?!?!
Well, if you don't get it, just go hula with your hoop and I'll be riding around ON A TRICERATOPS LISTENING TO ADVENTURE-THEMED SONGS!
Then, kota will eat you and your hula hoop. And possibly some leafy greens.
I'm off to ride a dinosaur.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Kota is so cool that he even has his own website. Kota is a triceratops that you can actually ride. No joke. With just 6 D batteries, Kota will walk, roar and eat leafy greens! That's not cool enough? Let me quote you something from the website: "Your kids will enjoy their prehistoric journey by flipping a hidden switch that will play adventure-themed songs." SONGS TOO!!!! HOT DOG!!!
(Editors note: That is not an exact quote from the website. They have some mad typos on there, so I fixed them...which is weird because I never fix my own.)
Imagine riding this thing to school. You would be the coolest kid IN THE WORLD! YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DINOSAUR! HOW CAN YOU BEAT THAT?!
If you're not loving this, we can't be friends anymore. It's a baby triceratops, THAT YOU RIDE! DON'T YOU GET IT!?!?!?!
Well, if you don't get it, just go hula with your hoop and I'll be riding around ON A TRICERATOPS LISTENING TO ADVENTURE-THEMED SONGS!
Then, kota will eat you and your hula hoop. And possibly some leafy greens.
I'm off to ride a dinosaur.
Enjoy!
-DJ
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