car cover

Okay, so I understand car covers. I think they're a pretty good idea. It's probably good to protect your car from the sun. Especially a nice car. To keep that "fresh from the dealer" paint job.

And there's a guy at my apt. complex who covers his car before it snows so he can just peel that off and all the snow comes off with it. No brushing or scraping required! Great idea!

BUT! What I don't understand is a car cover in a parking garage. What does that do?

At work, I park in the garage. It's underground. There is NO sun. There is NO rain. There is NO snow.

What are you protecting your car from? Bird doo doo? Maybe. Birds do live down there.

Still, it shocks me every time I see it. Maybe they plan on leaving the car there for a long time and don't want it to get dusty. It has been there for two days already.

I think I'll get a car cover for my car. It'll have a cool design on it. Like a dragon. So when people park next to me, they'll know they parked next to a dragon.

OR! Make it a fire-breathing dragon! Then people won't park next to me because they'll be afraid of getting burned.

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the parking garage! Sizzle!

Maybe they're afraid of dragon doo doo in their car. Dragons fly. And I bet they live in my parking garage too.

I'm off to cover my car.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

great grapes

I've been SO addicted to grapes lately. How could I not be?! They're so good!

I could eat them, like, ALL DAY! That's how good they are.

It's mad crazy how much I love them.

OH! Have you seen those grapes with seeds? I didn't even know that they made those! I just thought grapes appeared from rain drops or something. But, there are seedy ones. AND THEY ARE HUGE!

They're like mutant grapes! They're the size of an apple. Or a grapefruit, even! I would need a fork and knife to eat them!

Seriously. They're huge.

I'm almost afraid to try one. It might try to eat me, first.

But those mini champagne grapes? Those rock. I feel like a giant when I eat them. WHO'S THE MUTANT NOW, GRAPEY!

I'm off to eat more grapes. Seriously, they're that good.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

rabbi understudy

Somebody in my family is getting married. It's all pretty exciting. Mostly because I could be part of the show!

If, for some reason, the Rabbi gets sick, I get to officiate the wedding. That's right! I'm in charge!

Apparently, Massachusetts will officiate you any time you want. It's temporary, but I could do, like, 100 weddings in a 24-hour period!

How cool would that be?! I would keep it short and sweet.

"Hello. You two are now married. Kiss now and be excellent to each other."

Done! Off to the food and presents!

The officiator gets presents, right?

They better. I already registered on Amazon. It's all comic book stuff.

I'll take gift cards, too.

I'm off to practice my officiating.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

don't change a thing

A new study says that our personalities don't change from age 6 all the way through adulthood.

So if you wanted to change, I guess you can't. They followed 2,400 kids from Hawaii for 40 years.

I wish I was in Hawaii. Why didn't my parents get me into that study? We could have moved to Hawaii. And I could have become a surfer.

Do you ever wonder that maybe you were meant to be a prodigy at something, but you never got the chance to try it so you never found out that you could be so good at it?

I often wonder about that and my surfing career. Maybe that's what I was meant to do. I could have been a surfing star!

Probably not, though. Since I'm not much of a beach fan. I think surfers have to go to the beach.

I could carry the board, though. That would look cool.

I could have been a success at trying to look cool. If only I knew that at age 6.

Is it too late to change my personality? NOPE! Because I'ma gonna buy me a surf board!

I'm off to find a surfin' safari.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

fish smuggler

I don't know what would compel somebody to do this, but some guy was smuggling piranhas and stingrays. He was supposed to go to court today, but he disappeared.

Possibly because of an attack by piranhas and stingrays.

Who smuggles that?! Why not smuggle something soft and fluffy?! Like cotton candy! Or maybe you could smuggle pillows!

Is there a big market for piranhas and stingrays? Do people come up to you on the street wondering if you happen to have a stingray you'd be willing to part with?

Okay, so I've been asked that a few times, but that's the kind of crowd I hang with. Because I hang with a crowd that lives underwater.

And Aquaman. He's my friend, too. We hang out and play pool.

Heh...I never understood why he laughed every time we played pool until just now. I finally get the joke Aquaman! Very funny.

I'm off to smuggle a fish.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

hot nasa

The International Space Station is hot! The air conditioning is on the fritz. Uh oh!

Little known fact: I considered becoming an air conditioning repair guy for NASA when I was younger. It's true! Unfortunately, that required way too much work. Now I do this. Yeah...

NASA is going to send the folks on the ISS out for a spacewalk to fix the AC.

NASA said it's like "repairing your car with all of your ski clothes on, as well as your gloves, while you are on a pair of roller skates, on top of a mountain of ice, with billy goats biting your knees, during a sandstorm, with a hundred ninjas hitting you with sticks, while fighting the Hulk, while in the jungle, trying to climb a rope with butter on it."

Okay, so they didn't say ALL of that, but I'm not going to tell you where they stopped and where I started. I just said what they were thinking.

I'm off to fix my condenser coil.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

shark week again

Shark Week is happening again. That's cool. People seem to like that. They've been doing it for over 20 years.

Sharks are cool. They have lots of teeth. Which is good if you like gum.

There should be a Unicorn Week! Now THAT would be cool! You could put me in a cage and drop me into Pink Fairyland so I could observe the unicorn in its natural habitat!

I know the dangers. Glitter storms. Lightning sand. Gummy swamps.

But it does not matter! I WILL succeed!

For Unicorn Week! And Beyond!

I'm off to pack my bags.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ