super market

I was thinking about going to the supermarket yesterday and was wondering how a market goes from a regular market to a supermarket? Does it require gamma rays or a radioactive spider? Maybe a childhood trauma that inspires it to train in hundreds of forms of self-defense? (i.e. The Hulk, Spider-Man and Batman, in case you didn't know)

It turns out, to put the super in market, the market just has to be bigger than a regular market. And have more stuff. How much bigger and how much more? I don't know. Just more.

I ALSO found out that there are HYPERMARKETS! Hypermarkets have even MORE stuff than supermarkets! A market can become hyper if it gets too much sugar and has an enormous amount of stuff!

I want to go to a hypermarket. I don't even know where to start looking for one, but if it's bigger than a supermarket, it can't be TOO hard to find, right?

When I grow up, I'm going to open a superhypermarket. It's going to be HUUUUUUGE!

I'm off to the market.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

just bad manners

Do you like the sun? You better be careful. It might eat you. And nobody will help.

The sun ate a comet. That's what the headline says! "Comet Eaten By the Sun As Spacecraft Watches."

The event was recorded by the Solar and Heliospheric Observatory. It just sat there and watched. It didn't even try calling the science police. It recorded the comet's death and posted it on youtube.

Kinda scary to know that space is so cold and heartless.

We can't contact the comet's family because nobody even got its name. It was the first time scientists had ever seen it.

I bet if it were Haley's comet they would have tried to help.

Spacecrafts can be real jerks sometimes.

Don't let the sun eat you. That's your lesson for today.

I'm off to look for my lost comet.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

flaming needles

In China, there is a clinic that will set you on fire to relax you. Well, they will wrap you in oil-soaked blankets and set THEM on fire. Supposedly, it will create "total relaxation."

They also do acupuncture with flaming needles.

Flaming Needles would be a good name for a dragon-owned sewing shop.

Nobody has been burned yet...when they are wrapped in blankets that are set on fire. Set. On. Fire.

I just wanted to make sure you understood what was happening.

I wouldn't suggest getting set on fire. Not fun. I WOULD suggest looking up pictures of kittens with lightsabers. Those are awesome. They do have pictures of other animals with lightsabers, but kittens are probably the coolest. And cutest...yet deadly.

I'm off to-HA! LOOK AT THAT KITTEN WITH A LIGHTSABER!

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

psssssst...or something

So, wait...I don't have to wash my hair? Psssssst (yes, there are 6 s's) is a product you buy. Have you heard of this stuff? It’s sort of a dry shampoo. You spray this powder in your hair to get rid of the oily feeling AND (according to some users) add volume.

Is this just in case you don't feel like showering? The "product description" does say that you can use it "on camping trips - after sports - when ill."

When ill?! Why would I want more volume when I'm ill! So I can look pretty while I'm dazed out on Nyquil?! ( I do like looking pretty, though. So I guess I wouldn't mind that.)

Doctor: "So how are you feeling?"

Me: "Murble crzlbip schlup..."

Doctor: "Sounds like you have a case of Penguin Fluitis."

Me: "Scuftleschple."

Doctor: "You just need to relax for a few days. But don't worry. You're hair looks great!"

Me: "Wow! I feel better already! Thanks doc!"

And then we dance an Irish Jig. Because that's what doctors love to do after they heal you.

Maybe not my doctor, but your doctor does.

I'm off to powder my hair.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

monday things

It's Monday and I've learned a few things. The ipad has been released to the public and platypuses...er...platypi...um...I don't know...the platypus is venomous.

So, theoretically, if you had an ipad that I wanted to take from you, I could attack you with a platypus. Or a swan. Swans are pretty violent.

Not that I'm going to steal your ipad. I don't want one. Not yet, at least. Not until is does cooler stuff. Like fight crime. Or can transport me from place to place like in Star Trek. Or can be used as a floatation device.

I haven't seen those apps yet.

Until then, you can use your ipad and not worry about my maniacal menagerie attacking you.

Also, Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb is totally awesome.

Some days I don't make sense...like today.

I'm off to be semi-aquatic.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

the whip city

I was thinking about Whip City yesterday. Westfield is Whip City, for those who don't know. That's in Massachusetts, for you out-of-state readers. Mass is in the United States, for you international readers. My blog is huge in Thailand. HUGE!

Anyway, Whip City is actually a cooler name than Westfield. They should have used that name instead. Who wouldn't want to live in Whip City?

I would like to live in Sword City. Or Ninja City! I don't know where those are, but I should find them!

I should become president so I can change the names of cities. They're so boring. Southwick. What does that even mean? The bottom of a candle?! How about Super City!

Springfield could be Awesome City! West Springfield could become Sword City!

The exclamation point is actually part of the name. I'm not just yelling a lot. And they are not factorials. It's just there to add pizzazz.

Awesome City!, MA

Ninja City!, MA

Whip City!, MA

Get it? Cool. Got any cool names for cities?

Next time we'll rename the states. Especially Utah. They should have named it Wha-Bam!

I'm off to run for president.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

popcorn price wars

Israel has a government that knows how to fight for the people. The people who want to see a movie! And the people who want to enjoy a popcorn with that movie!

A politician named Carmel Shama (which is probably the tastiest name I've ever heard!) wants to make a new law that says movie theaters in Israel cannot charge more than $5 for a large popcorn.

That might sound cheap to us, but Carmel saw what happened in the U.S. and wants to keep popcorn prices under control before things get too crazy.

Carmel's ideas might seem trivial to someone who's more concerned with offshore drilling, but without cheap popcorn, how are we going to see a movie about offshore drilling? We're not.

And without that movie, we'll never know what actually happens to offshore drillers. Or who fell in love over offshore drilling. Or what kind of explosions offshore drilling can create. Or what happens when everybody on an offshore drilling site can disappear and you're the only person left...except for the mysterious drill monster!

Point and match. Carmel just saved your life.

I'm off to butter my popcorn.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ