of course they're real

So some people did a study asking other people whether they thought lightsabers were real or not. Do you know what they found? Only 24% of people thought they were real!

What?! Don't they teach kids science anymore?!

That's like saying unicorns and water don't exist. Hello! They're practically everywhere!

I'm pretty sure I'm made up of mostly water. And restly unicorn.

I also may or may not own a lightsaber.

If you prefer to (correctly) choose the "may not" option, please feel free to purchase one for me for my birthday. Or just because it's Wednesday.

I may or may not already own a ninja sword, but just in case I lose that, a lightsaber would be nice.

So if I were to ask you, "Are koala bears and lightsabers real?" You would have to answer, "Yes."

That's how we do it in science.

Also, in science, we know 42 disco moves that can reboot a computer.

Don't hate it. It's just science.

I'm off to conduct surveys.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

flaming needles

In China, there is a clinic that will set you on fire to relax you. Well, they will wrap you in oil-soaked blankets and set THEM on fire. Supposedly, it will create "total relaxation."

They also do acupuncture with flaming needles.

Flaming Needles would be a good name for a dragon-owned sewing shop.

Nobody has been burned yet...when they are wrapped in blankets that are set on fire. Set. On. Fire.

I just wanted to make sure you understood what was happening.

I wouldn't suggest getting set on fire. Not fun. I WOULD suggest looking up pictures of kittens with lightsabers. Those are awesome. They do have pictures of other animals with lightsabers, but kittens are probably the coolest. And cutest...yet deadly.

I'm off to-HA! LOOK AT THAT KITTEN WITH A LIGHTSABER!

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

again with the star wars

I always get distracted when cool Star Wars stuff comes out. I know you probably think most of it is boring, but this time I KNOW you'll love it.

Lightsaber Chopsticks. That's right. Little lightsabers that are perfect for enjoying General Tso's Chicken. You would use lightsabers on General Tso because he was a follower of the Sith Lord, Darth Sidious.

It may be great chicken, but it's still evil. Unless you eat it with lightsaber chopsticks.

Not only are these great for eating, but you can have tiny lightsaber battles with your friends.

I think I would use these everywhere. If I had to go to a fancy dinner for work or something, I might enjoy a fancy salad with my lightsaber chopsticks.

Server: "Your fancy french-named salad, sir."

Me: "Thank you."

Sound FX (made by me): "VVVVVVOOOOM WHOOSH"

Server: "I can get you a fork, sir."

Me: "If you get me a fork, I will lightsaber you so fast that the millennium falcon wouldn't even be able to save you."

Sound FX (made by me again): "VOOSH! ZOOM! WHOOSH!"

And that is why I will never be asked to go out to dinner again. Which would be awesome, because I hate fancy dinners. They never let you have any fun.

I'm off to practice my chopstick form.

Enjoy!

-DJ