agent cupid: the arrow who loved me

History doesn't give much credit to Cupid's archery skills. They focus on the fact that he shot the "love arrow" at people, but forget that he can shoot that arrow, from, like, a million miles away!

I once heard that he shot a hole through a coin at twenty paces. Blindfolded. And shirtless! Because that's how Cupid rolls.

And shirts hold back the wings. Cuz when you got wings, you want to fly!

There was this one time that Cupid had to infiltrate a secret government facility operated by evil karate ducks and had to cover his wings so he could wear all black to sneak in.

He couldn't fly, but still got in all ninja-style and arrowed everything. Like, EVERYTHING. Every arrow hit every mark perfectly! He had to get a flash drive arrow into a usb port on a computer. He did it from a ventilation shaft. He downloaded the info needed and then destroyed the computer.

WHAT?! That's right, he did that! THAT is how good he is.

He's a mad-crazy toxophilite.

So if you got hit by Cupid's arrow, you were SUPPOSED to get hit with it. He doesn't miss. Ever.

Okay, so once he scratched himself with an arrow and fell in love with Psyche, but she was kinda hot, so he was distracted. Honest mistake.

I'm off to check my fletchings.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

write like right

I heard about this site called "I WRITE LIKE" or something and I tried it. Basically, you copy and paste some of your writing onto the website and it will analyze it and tell you who you write like.

Turns out, after trying three different blog entries, I write like three different people! Dan Brown, Chuck Palaha-somethingish, and Stephen King.

I actually haven't read anything by any of them. I did use my UFO blog from last week and that was the "Stephen King" write-like. Maybe I got SK because I wrote about UFOs. But I also wrote about baby ducks, which aren't scary. Unless he wrote a book about ducklings that kill you with quackness.

Or maybe they have eyes that turn into knives and shoot out at people! Those would be some scary ducklings! I would call that movie "What The Duck?!"

It would also be in 3D. Like "How To Train Your Dragon." But different...because it doesn't have dragons.

Turns out this blog is also written like Stephen King. I guess it's scary. But not in a "Cujo" kinda way. More like a "why do they let this guy write blogs" kinda way.

I'm off to write like me.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

sick kids

I just read a study that said 1 in 5 kids do not get enough vitamin D. I also read that 1 in 5 kids DO have the swine flu.

Anybody else see the coincidence?

That's right. Stay away from kids. You might get the flu. Or you might not get enough vitamin D. Just hanging out with kids might suck the vitamin D right out of you.

They're like vitamin D vampires. (Get it? Because you need sunlight to create vitamin D and vampires can't go out into the sun! I wasn't sure if you'd get that joke. But it is funny, isn't it?)

Who cares about vitamin D, you ask? Ducks dancing daintily to Debussy do. That is why you see them in the sun getting their vitamin D. So they can dance.

They also put their drinks on a doily. And dangle drapes to decorate dens.

Sometimes they also quack. I mean, they are ducks after all. So, what do you expect?

I'm off to dance daintily.

Enjoy!

-DJ

zoo crew

Sometimes I forget how strange I must seem to people. Then something will happen to remind me. That's what happened this weekend.

I went to the forest park zoo this weekend and enjoyed all the animals. I saw a bear scratch its back. That was pretty cool. I also saw a happy turtle. That was nice. Don't ask for pictures of these things because I don't have any. I don't really think about taking pictures of stuff that I'm supposed to take pictures of.

Like the pig that would sit when you fed it. That's a good picture.

I didn't take it.

I DID take a picture of a windmill and a wheelbarrow. I liked the colors. They were pretty.

So, I'm taking pictures of a wheelbarrow and this little girl comes up to me and asks me what I'm taking a picture of. It makes sense. People are at the zoo and they're looking around for the animals and sometimes you don't see them until somebody else is pointing it out. Maybe you'll see somebody taking pictures of the corner of the cage and you finally see the little fuzzy ball of a critter. If you don't see it, you might ask them what they're taking a picture of and they'll tell you to look in the corner and that's where the animal is. Then you see it.

I had to answer this poor little girl, who, I'm sure, was all excited about finding an animal that she missed and that nobody else seemed to notice, that I was taking a picture of the wheelbarrow. Here is the exact conversation:

Girl: What are you taking a picture of?

Me: The wheelbarrow. I like the color.

Girl's Dad: C'mon honey. Get away from the weird man who takes pictures of yard equipment and not the donkey right behind him.

Ok, so that last part is not EXACTLY what he said, but it's close enough. Who wants a picture of a donkey? wooo...donkey...it's good for carrying stuff into the grand canyon. I could do that. And I won't eat your hand. Or go doo doo on the trail.

So, that's my zoo adventure. Sometimes I forget to act like a normal person when I go out in public. I'm usually good at faking it, but I can get distracted by yellow wheelbarrows and stuff. I gotta watch out for that.

Oh, I did try to get a picture of one animal, but I didn't get a good shot. It was a duck with Don King hair. It was...well...it was pretty awesome. I'll be honest...I'm totally jealous of that duck.

I'm off to practice my "normal."

Enjoy!

-DJ