I went for a short trip to New Hampshire this past weekend. I'm not one to go on vacation a lot because it usually costs money. That makes it hard to do anything. Luckily, I found a great internet special that got me two nights at the hotel for only $40. Nice, right? Well, I didn't go alone, and that's kinda why it was so cheap.
The trip was to Waterville Valley. It's a very small ski town in New Hampshire that I used to go to as a small child. My family liked to ski. I even liked to ski when I was younger. Now I wouldn't ski if you paid me in gummy bears. Unless it was a mountain of gummy bears equal to or greater than the mountain that you wanted me to ski on.
I haven't been there in many years and wanted to check it out again. Things are never the same as you remember them. For example, the pond was empty. Yeah. It is now a big hole. I think they are going to fill it up again, but they're doing some work on it.
Also, the pizza place didn't have the same arcade games that they used to. I wasn't expecting it, but I was hoping. I loved the pizza place because it was one of the last places ON EARTH that had the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game. They definitely had it during the mid '90s, but I guess they decided to update the arcade a little bit. It's possible the game blew up from being so awesome and they couldn't replace the parts anymore because it was so old. That happens a lot.
I also slipped while I was hiking and got scrapes on both of my forearms. It was cool because it looked like I had racing stripes. I felt like The Flash...except I couldn't run very fast and my arms hurt. I guess having racing stripes doesn't make you run faster, it just makes you look cooler.
The leaves were also cool because they were very colorful. I think it has to do with the explosion of a crayon factory in the area. It got into the soil and made pretty trees. I liked it. I wish crayons would blow up everywhere.
Overall, it was a pretty sweet trip. Partly because they had some great candy there, but mostly because it is a really cool place to go. You should check it out. I think you'll like it.
Hopefully I'll get up there again when there isn't a hurricane. And maybe the pond will have water in it. And maybe, just maybe, the Ninja Turtles arcade game will be back at the pizza place after getting fixed.
I'm off to clock my running speed.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
magic
I enjoy magic. It's fun. I know it's illusions and silliness, but it's illusions and silliness that I can't do, so it's fun to watch somebody else do it.
I like the classics. Pulling coins out of your ear or picking the right card out of the deck. I would like to know how to get coins out of people's ears because then I could have lots of money. I would just pull big bills out of people and keep it.
"OOOH! Look what came out of your head! A twenty dollar bill!"
"WOW!"
"See ya!" (running away)
Ha! They wouldn't know what hit them. I bring this up because of David Blaine. I heard about his "hanging upside-down" trick and saw that the ending was a dud. Before I get to that, I want to say that David Blaine seems like a decent magician.
I went on youtube to find the lame ending to his trick, but instead a bunch of his "street tricks" came up. He does this one where he steals your watch when he's doing a card trick. It's funny. I'd probably punch him in the face if he did it to me, but that's because I usually keep my watch in my pocket and that would be rude.
So, are you ready for the big finale to his "I'm gonna hang upside-down" trick? He was supposed to dive from a 44-foot high platform and before he hit the bottom he would be carried away by balloons. Instead, he just jumped down, not really a dive, hung there for a moment and then floated away. It was pretty lame. I have a feeling that if he dove, it still would have been pretty lame.
His "illusions" aren't really illusions at all. Is hanging upside-down really an illusion? He lived in a fish tank for a few days a while ago. Is that really an illusion? I don't think so. I don't get the trick. It's more like performance art. Which is all fine and dandy, but don't tell me it's an illusion. UNLESS he wasn't really hanging upside-down or living underwater and was, in fact, sitting on a couch eating Sun Chips. That would be a good trick, but I don't think that's what happened.
Let me tell you about REAL magic. Harry Potter. Yeah. Try THAT David Blaine. I'd like to see you fight off Chris Angel by yelling "Expelliarmus!" I bet that would do a whole lot of NOTHING! BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT HARRY POTTER!
I bet he can't even play quidditch. Pffft...loser.
I'm off to platform nine and three quarters.
Enjoy!
-DJ
I like the classics. Pulling coins out of your ear or picking the right card out of the deck. I would like to know how to get coins out of people's ears because then I could have lots of money. I would just pull big bills out of people and keep it.
"OOOH! Look what came out of your head! A twenty dollar bill!"
"WOW!"
"See ya!" (running away)
Ha! They wouldn't know what hit them. I bring this up because of David Blaine. I heard about his "hanging upside-down" trick and saw that the ending was a dud. Before I get to that, I want to say that David Blaine seems like a decent magician.
I went on youtube to find the lame ending to his trick, but instead a bunch of his "street tricks" came up. He does this one where he steals your watch when he's doing a card trick. It's funny. I'd probably punch him in the face if he did it to me, but that's because I usually keep my watch in my pocket and that would be rude.
So, are you ready for the big finale to his "I'm gonna hang upside-down" trick? He was supposed to dive from a 44-foot high platform and before he hit the bottom he would be carried away by balloons. Instead, he just jumped down, not really a dive, hung there for a moment and then floated away. It was pretty lame. I have a feeling that if he dove, it still would have been pretty lame.
His "illusions" aren't really illusions at all. Is hanging upside-down really an illusion? He lived in a fish tank for a few days a while ago. Is that really an illusion? I don't think so. I don't get the trick. It's more like performance art. Which is all fine and dandy, but don't tell me it's an illusion. UNLESS he wasn't really hanging upside-down or living underwater and was, in fact, sitting on a couch eating Sun Chips. That would be a good trick, but I don't think that's what happened.
Let me tell you about REAL magic. Harry Potter. Yeah. Try THAT David Blaine. I'd like to see you fight off Chris Angel by yelling "Expelliarmus!" I bet that would do a whole lot of NOTHING! BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT HARRY POTTER!
I bet he can't even play quidditch. Pffft...loser.
I'm off to platform nine and three quarters.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
put the lime in the cocoa butter
I went to the store this weekend and needed lip balm. That's not that only thing I needed, but I don't think you want my entire grocery list. Heck, I even bought stuff that wasn't on the list...like cookies...twice.
Anyway, I chap easily, so I generally have lip balm with me. I usually get a plain one or that minty bert's bees one, but this time I found something awesome.
Lime Rocket. SHOOOOOOOOOM!
Well, the shooooom isn't really part of the title, but if there were an actual lime rocket, I imagine it would blast off with a shooooom sound.
In my glossy excitement, I purchased my certified organic lime rocket lip balm. After the excitement wore off, I realized I might have bought a girl product. I'm not sure, though.
Lime is a manly scent, isn't it? I like the smell of lime. You might see a lime playing football. Limes enjoy a good mexican beer. Limes get into bar fights a lot. I've seen limes play with hammers and smash stuff. Those are all generally manish things, right?
Why do I think it COULD be for the ladies? It's in a larger container which could mean it's meant for a purse instead of a pocket. It smells like lime. I know that was my man defense, but it would work for women too. And it's not just any lime smell, it's a pretty lime smell. Also, I've seen limes in high heels. Limes enjoy watching Grey's Anatomy. I've even seen limes wearing lipstick.
So, you can clearly see my dilemma. I'm still going to use it, though. It smells like lime candy. I like lime candy. I want lime candy smell under my nose. I bet you do too. If you say you don't, you're lying. Limes don't like it when you lie. Or steal. So don't take my lime rocket.
I'm off to smell my lime-lips.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Anyway, I chap easily, so I generally have lip balm with me. I usually get a plain one or that minty bert's bees one, but this time I found something awesome.
Lime Rocket. SHOOOOOOOOOM!
Well, the shooooom isn't really part of the title, but if there were an actual lime rocket, I imagine it would blast off with a shooooom sound.
In my glossy excitement, I purchased my certified organic lime rocket lip balm. After the excitement wore off, I realized I might have bought a girl product. I'm not sure, though.
Lime is a manly scent, isn't it? I like the smell of lime. You might see a lime playing football. Limes enjoy a good mexican beer. Limes get into bar fights a lot. I've seen limes play with hammers and smash stuff. Those are all generally manish things, right?
Why do I think it COULD be for the ladies? It's in a larger container which could mean it's meant for a purse instead of a pocket. It smells like lime. I know that was my man defense, but it would work for women too. And it's not just any lime smell, it's a pretty lime smell. Also, I've seen limes in high heels. Limes enjoy watching Grey's Anatomy. I've even seen limes wearing lipstick.
So, you can clearly see my dilemma. I'm still going to use it, though. It smells like lime candy. I like lime candy. I want lime candy smell under my nose. I bet you do too. If you say you don't, you're lying. Limes don't like it when you lie. Or steal. So don't take my lime rocket.
I'm off to smell my lime-lips.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
text factor
Did you see that study about texting and driving? If you didn't, it said that texting while you are driving is bad. Very bad.
They got a bunch of kids 17-24 and had them in simulators and checked their reaction time behind the wheel. They found that texting slowed their reaction time by 35%. They also tested reaction time with marijuana and alcohol. Marijuana slowed their reaction time by 21% and alcohol slowed them down by 12%.
I'm wondering what they used for the simulator. Is it a video game? I love those racing games at the arcade. I wish I had one. Maybe at the dinner table. I could eat and drive at the same time.
I also liked that skateboard simulator game. That was cool, too. If you never played it, go find it somewhere and enjoy.
Anyway, I was thinking about that study and wondered how people got involved in it. When I was in college and I was looking for some summer work, I remember thinking about one of those sleep studies. It paid pretty well, but I think I would have been uncomfortable sleeping with a bunch of people staring at me. And who knows what they would do. They might have dipped my finger in warm water. Or maybe written a naughty word on my forehead with a Sharpie. Or covered me in shaving cream. Or made fun of my Superman jammies.
So, what did the ad say for this study?
"Hey, kids! We need men and women between the ages of 17 and 24 for a fun study! We have cell phones, alcohol and pot! We also have video games! WOW! Not only that, but we'll pay you! Text us your info and we'll call you back! Remember, it's for science! Hooray for science!"
Yeah. That might have gotten a few responses. I wonder if they would have let me play video games in my jammies. Hmmm...that does sound enticing.
I'm off to donate my body to science.
Enjoy!
-DJ
They got a bunch of kids 17-24 and had them in simulators and checked their reaction time behind the wheel. They found that texting slowed their reaction time by 35%. They also tested reaction time with marijuana and alcohol. Marijuana slowed their reaction time by 21% and alcohol slowed them down by 12%.
I'm wondering what they used for the simulator. Is it a video game? I love those racing games at the arcade. I wish I had one. Maybe at the dinner table. I could eat and drive at the same time.
I also liked that skateboard simulator game. That was cool, too. If you never played it, go find it somewhere and enjoy.
Anyway, I was thinking about that study and wondered how people got involved in it. When I was in college and I was looking for some summer work, I remember thinking about one of those sleep studies. It paid pretty well, but I think I would have been uncomfortable sleeping with a bunch of people staring at me. And who knows what they would do. They might have dipped my finger in warm water. Or maybe written a naughty word on my forehead with a Sharpie. Or covered me in shaving cream. Or made fun of my Superman jammies.
So, what did the ad say for this study?
"Hey, kids! We need men and women between the ages of 17 and 24 for a fun study! We have cell phones, alcohol and pot! We also have video games! WOW! Not only that, but we'll pay you! Text us your info and we'll call you back! Remember, it's for science! Hooray for science!"
Yeah. That might have gotten a few responses. I wonder if they would have let me play video games in my jammies. Hmmm...that does sound enticing.
I'm off to donate my body to science.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Friday, September 19, 2008
psycho-pirate
It's "talk-like-a-pirate" day today. I bet you didn't know that. Nobody does. That's only because Hallmark hasn't made a card yet. But really, do you want a card about talking like a pirate?
(front of card)
Roses be red, matey
Violets be blue
Arrrrrrr
(open the card)
Geeve me all yer gold or I'll burn down yer village!
Wow...that's...um...sweet?
(front of card)
'tis time to talk like a pirate.
And, to help you get into the mood,
we brought you an eye patch and a peg leg
(inside of card)
now stand still so we can get rid of one of those eyes and that pesky leg of yours!
Woah! That's kinda violent! I'll have to look for a nicer card.
(front of card)
romance is in the air
when we're sitting on the bench
I'll talk to you like a pirate
(inside of card)
and call you may wen...
...OH! I can't give that to somebody! Really? Is that supposed to be nice?
Hmmm...I think I'll just stick to saying "Arrrrrrr!" a lot.
I'm off to shiver me timbers...not that I know what it means.
Enjoy!
-DJ
(front of card)
Roses be red, matey
Violets be blue
Arrrrrrr
(open the card)
Geeve me all yer gold or I'll burn down yer village!
Wow...that's...um...sweet?
(front of card)
'tis time to talk like a pirate.
And, to help you get into the mood,
we brought you an eye patch and a peg leg
(inside of card)
now stand still so we can get rid of one of those eyes and that pesky leg of yours!
Woah! That's kinda violent! I'll have to look for a nicer card.
(front of card)
romance is in the air
when we're sitting on the bench
I'll talk to you like a pirate
(inside of card)
and call you may wen...
...OH! I can't give that to somebody! Really? Is that supposed to be nice?
Hmmm...I think I'll just stick to saying "Arrrrrrr!" a lot.
I'm off to shiver me timbers...not that I know what it means.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
i communicate with ants
Ok, that's not entirely true, but I know people who can! They told me that ants love to chat about current political events. It's all "Obama this" and "McCain that" and "Who has the better economic philosophy to help us with the collapse of the subprime mortgage market and credit crunch?" Frankly, I find it a little boring.
Ready for the big news? We have a new member of the ant family! It's true! My ant-talker friend, we'll call him Scott (comic book reference), told me that they found a brand new ant! Yeah! Isn't that exciting!
It was roaming around some fungi in the Amazon rainforest looking for the latest issue of "Politics Today" when some scientists realized we haven't seen an ant like this before. How did they know? Well, can't you look at an ant and tell whether it's a Leptanillinae or an Aenictogiton? I thought you could. So can the scientists. They noticed this little ant was different from all the other ants out there and decided to do a DNA test.
Guess what? It's the father!
Ha! No, it's not the ant version of Maury. They actually found out that this was probably one of the oldest species of ant ever. Dating back 120 million years. That's one crazy old ant family. They might have been around for the first election ever. They may have voted for Washington himself! I know, that's a loooooong time ago. I wonder if they had TV then? Hmmmmm...
They call this new ant the "ant from mars" because it's green and travels in little flying saucers. You might wonder why we haven't seen them all around the world if they can fly anywhere they want. Well, the little saucers have VERY little gas tanks, so they can really only go about a meter before they have to fill up. Hey, to an ant, that's, like, around the world!
So, if you're a myrmecologist, then you probably know all about this and are already having a "we're excited because we haven't found a new species of ant since 1923" party, but if you're an ASPIRING myrmecologist and you didn't know about it, I'd suggest looking up real information about this new ant and not using this blog as science fact. It is in my head, but not always to real people.
I'm off to lift 50x my own weight...oh, wait...I mean 1/50th my own weight...yeah...that seems doable.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Ready for the big news? We have a new member of the ant family! It's true! My ant-talker friend, we'll call him Scott (comic book reference), told me that they found a brand new ant! Yeah! Isn't that exciting!
It was roaming around some fungi in the Amazon rainforest looking for the latest issue of "Politics Today" when some scientists realized we haven't seen an ant like this before. How did they know? Well, can't you look at an ant and tell whether it's a Leptanillinae or an Aenictogiton? I thought you could. So can the scientists. They noticed this little ant was different from all the other ants out there and decided to do a DNA test.
Guess what? It's the father!
Ha! No, it's not the ant version of Maury. They actually found out that this was probably one of the oldest species of ant ever. Dating back 120 million years. That's one crazy old ant family. They might have been around for the first election ever. They may have voted for Washington himself! I know, that's a loooooong time ago. I wonder if they had TV then? Hmmmmm...
They call this new ant the "ant from mars" because it's green and travels in little flying saucers. You might wonder why we haven't seen them all around the world if they can fly anywhere they want. Well, the little saucers have VERY little gas tanks, so they can really only go about a meter before they have to fill up. Hey, to an ant, that's, like, around the world!
So, if you're a myrmecologist, then you probably know all about this and are already having a "we're excited because we haven't found a new species of ant since 1923" party, but if you're an ASPIRING myrmecologist and you didn't know about it, I'd suggest looking up real information about this new ant and not using this blog as science fact. It is in my head, but not always to real people.
I'm off to lift 50x my own weight...oh, wait...I mean 1/50th my own weight...yeah...that seems doable.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
souperman
I think flu season is coming. Why do I think that? I may have had a flu-like problem yesterday. Isn't there a 24-hour flu? I hope that makes me immune to the flu for the rest of my life. That would be swell.
Have you ever had those days where all the weird stuff happens at once? That was my yesterday. I might have had a better handle on it if I didn't have the thing that I'm calling the flu.
I came into work and felt ill. I wasn't sure, though, so I had Dina (the morning co-host/mother I work with) use her motherly powers to check. We both put aside our boundary issues for a few seconds and she checked my forehead. I wanted to find out if I was hot. It turns out I was only warm.
That's how I know if I'm sick. Usually, I'm totally hot (ha!). When my forehead said that I was warm, I knew something was amiss.
I decided to get soup before I went home. I was at the soup store when I remembered that I also needed peanut butter. That's important later on the story. I'm slightly delirious while I'm putting peanut butter in my carriage when a girl comes up to me and asks if I can help her. I'm pretty sure I told her that I wasn't actually employed by the soup store (with peanut butter), but she kept talking.
She actually gave me a card and wanted me to sell insurance or something. I think I agreed to sell insurance, but it's all pretty hazy. I know this really happened because I have a card with a girls name and number on it.
Then I went to the register. The lady there was very nice and very talkative. Not in a bad way, just very friendly.
Unfortunately, as you may recall, I wasn't quite all there.
There was a conversation about coupons that confused the heck out of me. Then she asked me why I was buying four jars of peanut butter. In my head, buying four jars makes complete sense because I don't want to have to buy it for a few weeks. Here's what I remember from yesterday's conversation:
Register lady: (a lot of words and something about coupons)
Me: yeah. (in confused agreement)
Register lady: Ok, so what's the deal with all the peanut butter?
Me: uh...I like peanut butter?
Register lady: (a lot of words and something about chex mix...the baked ones....I totally remember her making sure I knew they were baked)
So, yeah. Did that conversation make sense to you? It shouldn't have. That's pretty much all I can remember before going home and falling asleep while watching Skunk Fu. (you may recall that I was going to tape cartoons on saturday and watch them during the week...well...Skunk Fu had the honor of being one of those shows)
Have you ever had a day like that? I have no proof that ALL of those things happened, but I'm fairly confident that they did.
I had the soup and today I feel a little better. Just in case, though, I'm not going to go out anywhere. I'm afraid of the conversations that might happen. Who knows what I'll agree to!
I'm off to fall asleep to cartoons.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Have you ever had those days where all the weird stuff happens at once? That was my yesterday. I might have had a better handle on it if I didn't have the thing that I'm calling the flu.
I came into work and felt ill. I wasn't sure, though, so I had Dina (the morning co-host/mother I work with) use her motherly powers to check. We both put aside our boundary issues for a few seconds and she checked my forehead. I wanted to find out if I was hot. It turns out I was only warm.
That's how I know if I'm sick. Usually, I'm totally hot (ha!). When my forehead said that I was warm, I knew something was amiss.
I decided to get soup before I went home. I was at the soup store when I remembered that I also needed peanut butter. That's important later on the story. I'm slightly delirious while I'm putting peanut butter in my carriage when a girl comes up to me and asks if I can help her. I'm pretty sure I told her that I wasn't actually employed by the soup store (with peanut butter), but she kept talking.
She actually gave me a card and wanted me to sell insurance or something. I think I agreed to sell insurance, but it's all pretty hazy. I know this really happened because I have a card with a girls name and number on it.
Then I went to the register. The lady there was very nice and very talkative. Not in a bad way, just very friendly.
Unfortunately, as you may recall, I wasn't quite all there.
There was a conversation about coupons that confused the heck out of me. Then she asked me why I was buying four jars of peanut butter. In my head, buying four jars makes complete sense because I don't want to have to buy it for a few weeks. Here's what I remember from yesterday's conversation:
Register lady: (a lot of words and something about coupons)
Me: yeah. (in confused agreement)
Register lady: Ok, so what's the deal with all the peanut butter?
Me: uh...I like peanut butter?
Register lady: (a lot of words and something about chex mix...the baked ones....I totally remember her making sure I knew they were baked)
So, yeah. Did that conversation make sense to you? It shouldn't have. That's pretty much all I can remember before going home and falling asleep while watching Skunk Fu. (you may recall that I was going to tape cartoons on saturday and watch them during the week...well...Skunk Fu had the honor of being one of those shows)
Have you ever had a day like that? I have no proof that ALL of those things happened, but I'm fairly confident that they did.
I had the soup and today I feel a little better. Just in case, though, I'm not going to go out anywhere. I'm afraid of the conversations that might happen. Who knows what I'll agree to!
I'm off to fall asleep to cartoons.
Enjoy!
-DJ
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