it's a cookie in a jar

Oh! Em! Gee! Have you ever had Biscoff spread? YOU HAVEN'T! You NEED to try this!

So, this Austrian company makes these cookies called "speculoos." One day, somebody said, "Wouldn't it be great if you could just make this fantastically tastalicious cookie into a creamy spread?!"

Half the people who heard that statement fell over. The other half screamed in excitement. 17 people walking by the building discovered the meaning of life. Two people actually learned how to fly by using pure thought energy. And 26 babies were born. They're nothing special, JUST THE MIRACLE OF LIFE!

After learning the secrets of Shangri-La and the garden of the Hesperides, they were able to magically turn speculoos into a spread!

Or a butter. I don't know how to describe it. It's like peanut butter. But peanut butter isn't really like cow butter. So...you know...it's creamy...and yummy...and butteryish?

NOW! Through the magic of science and...well...magic...YOU TOO can spread a cookie onto anything you want and not get that crumbly side-effect!

It tastes kinda like a cinnamon graham cracker. That you spread. ON EVERYTHING!

You should buy some speculoo spread. Miracles will happen. Sure it depends on your definition of "miracle," but mine includes that feeling of sparkles in your tummy. And that happens every time I eat Biscoff spread.

I'm off to speculoo.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

first sharks now this?!

Oh no. This is bad. I know zombies are totally hip right now, but this is just scary.

Zombie Bees.

Affectionately called "zombees" by apiarists.

Unaffectionately called "ZOMBIE BEES ARE TRYING TO KILL ME" by everybody else.

It's like "The Walking Dead" if it became "The Fly-And-Sting-You-And-Lure-You-Into-A-False-Sense-Of-Security-With-Their-Sweet-Nectar Dead."

I love honey. I eat it every day. I also use it as a face wash. Should I worry about becoming a zombie?

Will I become a BEE?! WILL I BECOME A MUTANT HUMAN/BEE/ZOMBIE HYBRID LIKE THE HYBRID SHARKS?!?!

These are all questions that one must ask oneself when that self enjoys honey made by not yourself!

These are also questions that one must ask oneself when oneself doesn't know what that self should write about when blogging about that self's love of honey.

OH! You know what else is good? Honey peanut butter.

Oh no...my peanut butter could make me a zombie too!

Eh...it's worth it. Honey peanut butter is really good. Good enough to go zombie for.

I'm off to zombee.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

of the month club

Have you ever been a part of an "Of The Month" club? I haven't, but I should. There is a PB&J of the Month Club! That sounds yummy! You get different peanut butter and different jelly every month.

That MIGHT sound awesome, BUT there is also a Black Socks of the Month Club! These folks will send you a new pair of black socks every month! You NEVER have to worry about going out for socks again!

You know what I need? An Underwear of the Month Club. Well, maybe not. That's a LOT of underwear. I did not know this, but underwear does NOT last forever. It starts falling apart after a while.

Unfortunately, finding new underwear is harder than it sounds. Underwear must be out of season, because I really can't find any good quality undies. I bought some Hanes because they SOUND like a good name. But they got holes already. I only had them for about two weeks.

Maybe underwear is fresher in the spring? I don't know.

I DO know that I just talked about underwear, socks and peanut butter for the last few minutes. I bet THAT makes your day a little better/weirder.

Sorry about that.

I'm off to see if my socks came in.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

rice cooker

What is a rice cooker? I could look it up, but I'm too lazy. Does it just cook rice? Why would I buy something that ONLY cooks rice?

I guess if I didn't have a stove or a microwave, and I REALLY loved rice, I might buy one. But then I would have to eat rice all the time.

Can't you just cook rice in a pot or a pan? Or in a small microwavable pouch?

I don't know. I mean, rice is nice, but it's just a grain.

You know what I WOULD like? Something that makes apples and peanut butter! I'm addicted to it! But it's so much work. I have to cut the apple AND scoop the peanut butter. If they made some "cooker" that did all that work for me, I would be happy.

Happy like an apple.

I'm off to rice my cooker.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

yummy

I'm sure I've mentioned in the past that I enjoy peanut butter and spinach sandwiches. They are VERY good. And good for you!

Also, I tried peanut butter and Nutella a few weeks ago. I never had Nutella before. That was ALSO very good!

SO! I decided to combine all those good things today! Do you know what happened? I had a great lunch!

Peanut butter, Nutella and spinach sandwiches are so good! But they need a catchy name. Otherwise, people won't believe me.

This is all I got so far:

peanutellach

spinutterella

speanutella

spinach crunchy, peanut buttery, hazelnutty, chocolate yummy sandwich

or PBNS (peanut butter, nutella, spinach)

Yeah...it's a tough sell. Let me know if you have a better idea. Please.

I'm off to eat a nutespinapeanut butter sandwich.

Enjoy!

-DJ

another tax day

Did you do your taxes? If you said no, it's probably best not to worry about it now. I would say forget about it. Of course, my word does not hold up in court, so don't use me as a witness.

Lawyer: Did you tell the defendant that they didn't have to pay their taxes?

Me: I did.

Lawyer: Do you have any authority to do that?

Me: Yes.

Lawyer: Do you also know how to build a log cabin out of peanut butter?

Me: Yes.

Lawyer: LIAR!

Then I would show him my log cabin. Made out of peanut butter. Proving that I am NOT a liar.

Of course, I still have no authority to excuse you from your taxes. But I am a fantastic peanut butter sculptor. I once made an exact replica of Guam. I also ate Guam. It was good.

Maybe next year I'll make a peanut butter tax form. Then I can eat my taxes. With some toast.

I'm off to consult my lawyer.

Enjoy!

-DJ

souperman

I think flu season is coming. Why do I think that? I may have had a flu-like problem yesterday. Isn't there a 24-hour flu? I hope that makes me immune to the flu for the rest of my life. That would be swell.

Have you ever had those days where all the weird stuff happens at once? That was my yesterday. I might have had a better handle on it if I didn't have the thing that I'm calling the flu.

I came into work and felt ill. I wasn't sure, though, so I had Dina (the morning co-host/mother I work with) use her motherly powers to check. We both put aside our boundary issues for a few seconds and she checked my forehead. I wanted to find out if I was hot. It turns out I was only warm.

That's how I know if I'm sick. Usually, I'm totally hot (ha!). When my forehead said that I was warm, I knew something was amiss.

I decided to get soup before I went home. I was at the soup store when I remembered that I also needed peanut butter. That's important later on the story. I'm slightly delirious while I'm putting peanut butter in my carriage when a girl comes up to me and asks if I can help her. I'm pretty sure I told her that I wasn't actually employed by the soup store (with peanut butter), but she kept talking.

She actually gave me a card and wanted me to sell insurance or something. I think I agreed to sell insurance, but it's all pretty hazy. I know this really happened because I have a card with a girls name and number on it.

Then I went to the register. The lady there was very nice and very talkative. Not in a bad way, just very friendly.

Unfortunately, as you may recall, I wasn't quite all there.

There was a conversation about coupons that confused the heck out of me. Then she asked me why I was buying four jars of peanut butter. In my head, buying four jars makes complete sense because I don't want to have to buy it for a few weeks. Here's what I remember from yesterday's conversation:

Register lady: (a lot of words and something about coupons)

Me: yeah. (in confused agreement)

Register lady: Ok, so what's the deal with all the peanut butter?

Me: uh...I like peanut butter?

Register lady: (a lot of words and something about chex mix...the baked ones....I totally remember her making sure I knew they were baked)

So, yeah. Did that conversation make sense to you? It shouldn't have. That's pretty much all I can remember before going home and falling asleep while watching Skunk Fu. (you may recall that I was going to tape cartoons on saturday and watch them during the week...well...Skunk Fu had the honor of being one of those shows)

Have you ever had a day like that? I have no proof that ALL of those things happened, but I'm fairly confident that they did.

I had the soup and today I feel a little better. Just in case, though, I'm not going to go out anywhere. I'm afraid of the conversations that might happen. Who knows what I'll agree to!

I'm off to fall asleep to cartoons.

Enjoy!

-DJ