you can pay for it if you want the money

Why do we have to pay the postage for taxes? If it's something that the government FORCES you to do, they should have free shipping for taxes! Like Amazon!

And not only that, but that census I get in the mail every year, too. I shouldn't have to fill it out AND pay for a stamp! THAT is a lot of work!

I do it because it is my civic duty, though, and if there is anything I learned from reading comic books, it's that civic duty is the only thing non-super-powered people can do.  It's kind of like saving the world from a sun eater.

Okay, so police and fire people do some stuff that is heroicy, but you get my point.

Fine, you're right, Batman doesn't have any super powers, but he's rich. So...RICH people could do stuff, too.

The point is...well...I don't remember what the point is. I DO know that I'm going through "bag drama" as I try to figure out which messenger bag I want to carry.

It's very trying on my soul.

And that makes it hard to remember to buy stamps to send things to the government.

THAT is the point.

I'm off to change my bag.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

even superheroes have to do taxes

Did you ever dream about doing your taxes?  Sounds boring, right? 

Not if you are a SUPERHERO!

I had a dream that I was Green Arrow.  You know him.  He wears all green.  Has a quiver with fancy arrows in it.  That sort of thing. 

So, I was Green Arrow and I was going to get my taxes done.  For some reason, my tax preparer was a fifth-grade teacher.  And apparently does taxes during school hours. 

I walk into the classroom.  With a quiver on my back.  In all green.  And the tax-lady started punching numbers.  The kids just sat there and stared.

That was my dream.  I wish I could say it was more exciting.  It was not.  Tax-Lady is not meant to be an evil name.  More of a job title.

Yeah...sometimes I should really think twice about what I'm writing.  I mean, nothing happened.  No battle with arrows for taxes.  Just...gettin' the ol' taxes done. 

Maybe I woke up before the awesome stuff happened.  Like the evil zombie, vampire robots attacking the school.

We'll go with that.

That's what you should learn today.  Don't wake up too early.  You miss all the good parts of tax preparation.

I'm off to fall back asleep.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

dog truck

I'm not sure if this was real or not. You know those times when you see things or go places or marry someone and you're not entirely sure if it was a dream or something that happened in real life? This is one of those times.

I was getting into my car and looked out the window. When I looked out, I saw the back of a flatbed truck go by with a bunch of dogs on it.

Not real dogs. Statues. They looked like they were made out of snow or porcelain or styrofoam (aka extruded polystyrene foam).

As soon as I saw it, the truck was passing my building. I tried to get out in time to catch up, but it was too late. OR, it was never even there.

Why would I see polystyrene dogs? Is there a medical term for that? Should I see a doctor? What does a doctor look like?! What do I do?! Why can't I say the word polystyrene?!?!

Okay, I have to calm down because I'm doing my taxes today. At least, I hope to get them done. Unless the dogs come after me.

I'm off to not-so-easy file.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

that's sexy

President Obama said that "Insulation is sexy stuff." That's an exact quote. And now, I want insulation. I don't even know what to do with it, but if it's sexy, I want in!

This is a great way to get people excited about insulation. He should do this for other things. So, I'm going to write a few speeches for him.

Tax time: "Taxes are tasty. Like enjoying a fresh strawberry, covered in chocolate."

Health Care Bill: "Let's think of the public option as silk sheets. That's something you'd want to slide into, isn't it?"

Afghanistan: "I don't want to jump to the decision. It's like when you're looking at kittens and puppies. You can't just take home the first cute, fuzzy puffball that comes up to you. You have to find the perfect match."

I don't know why he didn't hire me earlier. We would probably have world peace by now. I would compare it to smooth, rich chocolate.

Don't you want chocolate? Then I guess you want world peace.

Problem solved.

I'm off to install insulation.

Enjoy!

-DJ

another tax day

Did you do your taxes? If you said no, it's probably best not to worry about it now. I would say forget about it. Of course, my word does not hold up in court, so don't use me as a witness.

Lawyer: Did you tell the defendant that they didn't have to pay their taxes?

Me: I did.

Lawyer: Do you have any authority to do that?

Me: Yes.

Lawyer: Do you also know how to build a log cabin out of peanut butter?

Me: Yes.

Lawyer: LIAR!

Then I would show him my log cabin. Made out of peanut butter. Proving that I am NOT a liar.

Of course, I still have no authority to excuse you from your taxes. But I am a fantastic peanut butter sculptor. I once made an exact replica of Guam. I also ate Guam. It was good.

Maybe next year I'll make a peanut butter tax form. Then I can eat my taxes. With some toast.

I'm off to consult my lawyer.

Enjoy!

-DJ

taxes stink

I did my taxes this weekend. It was not great.

I have decided that I have to become rich someday so I can pay somebody to do my taxes. That is the only reason. I realized that I hate doing my taxes and I don't ever want to do them again. Next year, somehow, I have to make enough money to pay a trained professional to do my taxes.

I DID get them all done, in case you are curious. I am also getting money back. Hopefully. Unless I did something wrong. Then I will hear from the government and they will beat me with money bags. Those tax people don't mess around.

I'm a little upset that I have to waste a stamp for my taxes, though. I mean, I just spent HOURS doing math for the government and they have the audacity to charge ME for it! Those envelopes in the tax booklets should say "no stamp needed if mailed in the U.S." But NOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm a little insulted. That's not my government working for me. That's me wasting good money. I will write an angry letter to Barack. And I will NOT put a stamp on it.

Take that tax-people.

I'm off to buy some stamps.

Enjoy!

-DJ