it's a cookie in a jar

Oh! Em! Gee! Have you ever had Biscoff spread? YOU HAVEN'T! You NEED to try this!

So, this Austrian company makes these cookies called "speculoos." One day, somebody said, "Wouldn't it be great if you could just make this fantastically tastalicious cookie into a creamy spread?!"

Half the people who heard that statement fell over. The other half screamed in excitement. 17 people walking by the building discovered the meaning of life. Two people actually learned how to fly by using pure thought energy. And 26 babies were born. They're nothing special, JUST THE MIRACLE OF LIFE!

After learning the secrets of Shangri-La and the garden of the Hesperides, they were able to magically turn speculoos into a spread!

Or a butter. I don't know how to describe it. It's like peanut butter. But peanut butter isn't really like cow butter. So...you know...it's creamy...and yummy...and butteryish?

NOW! Through the magic of science and...well...magic...YOU TOO can spread a cookie onto anything you want and not get that crumbly side-effect!

It tastes kinda like a cinnamon graham cracker. That you spread. ON EVERYTHING!

You should buy some speculoo spread. Miracles will happen. Sure it depends on your definition of "miracle," but mine includes that feeling of sparkles in your tummy. And that happens every time I eat Biscoff spread.

I'm off to speculoo.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

no really, it's supposed to be funny

It's April Fool's Day! Where people do stuff! I don't really know what, but they do it. I never got involved with it. I don't celebrate April 1. I prefer March to last 32 days. Then I go to April 2. I'm a big March fan.

If you didn't know, the French LOVE this day! They call it Poisson d'Avril. Which means "April Fish." You tape a paper fish to somebody's back. Then their friends yell, "Poisson d'Avril!" when they see it on you. And that's funny. For some reason.

Person 1: "Bonjour!"

Person 2: "Poisson d'Avril!"

Person 1: "Oh, is there a fish on my back? Cool. Thanks."

Person 2: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Person 1: "...yeah...it's not that funny...it's just a fish taped to my back."

Person 2: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! There's a fish taped to your back! You totally got fished! It's hilarious!"

Person 1: "...riiiiiight..."

Since it IS so funny, I'm going to do that today. But instead of a fish, I will use buttered toast. Or hummus! Hummus is ALWAYS funny!

And instead of putting it on their back, I will put it on their nose!

I'm already laughing.

Fish are stinky.

I'm off to Poisson d'Avril.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

i can totally believe it's not butter

I cleaned out my fridge this weekend. I didn't even know I HAD stuff in the fridge that needed cleaning out! I don't really use it too often. I think I use it for 4 things. Orange juice, apple juice, rice milk and spinach.

But! It turns out that I bought a "spread" a few years ago and never used it. It wasn't butter. I don't really know what it was. It's in a tub that is similar to what they put butter in. But it wasn't butter.

It was VERY stinky when I opened it, though! The kind of stink that makes you open all the windows and light 5 candles. Even after that, I could not get the stink out of my nose.

AND this thing was...a thing. I don't know how to describe its form. It was this thing that looked kinda like a chunk of melted plastic. But breathing. I'm pretty sure it was breathing.

Or pulsating. Or something. I don't know what it was doing, but it was doing it. Also, I think it was trying to contact other alien beings. Or maybe trying to take over my mind. I KNOW that I heard it talk to me using telepathy.

It told me to buy more spread.

Out of fear, I hammered it down the sink into the pipe blades that reside under the sink hole.

There it met its timely death.

You don't have to worry about it taking over your brain or telling you what to do.

Let's hope it did not get its message to the others.

I'm off to buy more spread.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

time to wake up

I don't know about you, but I need multiple alarm clocks to wake up in the morning. It's tough! It's really early!

I bet you sometimes have trouble waking up in the morning. Unless you don't have to do anything, then you can probably lounge around all morning. I would much rather do that.

If you do still have to wake up, I found an alarm clock that might make your day a little better. De Dietrich (which is supposed to be a person's name. I don't know if De Dietrich is male or female.) has created an alarm clock that makes coffee, pours a cup of juice and pops out a piece of yummy toast.

I don't know if it actually makes any buzzing noise to wake you up, but if you can wake up to the smell of toast, then I guess you're all set.

I can't see this waking me up. Unless it pours the coffee on my face, followed by the cup of juice and then shoots the toast at me. And it really has to fire that thing. I might not wake up with hot and cold beverages poured on me. Or, I might not wake up enough, so it may be helpful to get a rocket powered piece of toast shot at my noggin, too.

I don't think it actually does any of that, but it DOES have a little drawer for butter. Which, again, unless it is stuck up my nose, will not wake me up.

Maybe this would be enough for you. Maybe not. Do you want toast fired at your head every morning? Yes? Well then, maybe you can invent that alarm clock. The toast-shooter.

I would buy it.

I'm off to set my alarms.

Enjoy!

-DJ