Again, sometimes I don't quite understand other cultures. Then again, I don't understand most things that don't involve comic books, so I'm pretty clueless.
England had its annual "Tough Guy Race" a few days ago. Sound like fun? Did you know that you have to sign a death warrant before starting? I guess you have to say they won't be responsible...if you die...from this race.
I know what some people might say, "Well, you run the risk of death every time you get into your car." And they'd be right. BUT, I don't get into my car thinking, "I'm going to drive my car all crazy-like with hopes of risking death."
You have to run through a pond full of leeches, scale a 40ft tall wall, and even run over burning tires. How do you decide to do all that?!
"So, what do you want to do today?"
"Hmmm...How about we care for kittens at the local shelter?"
"OR! We could go run over burning tires!"
"Well slap my wrists and call me sprinkles! I'm all about that!"
"Really? I was just kidding. I'm all about the kittens."
"oh...yeah...me too. I love kittens. Like, way more than catching on fire."
So, if you're a tough guy or gal, you can go cover yourself with leeches and play with fire. I'll stick to fluffy bunnies.
I'm off to toughen up.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Showing posts with label leeches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leeches. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, August 22, 2008
things to remember
I don't talk about politics too often, but this was just so silly that I had to bring it up. I'm not taking any sides, but this was funny. Did you hear about John McCain's little "I forgot" moment? Yeah, he couldn't remember how many houses he had. Now this could have been said by any insanely rich person, but McCain said it first in front of the press, so he gets all the jokes.
I have heard of things like "baby brain" where a woman becomes forgetful after giving birth. I have decided that there is now something called "McCain brain" where you forget about huge, important things in your life. For example, how many houses you own. It just shows how far removed our candidates are from the average person. If I were to ask anybody I know how many houses they owned, I would get the answer of either zero or one (with a mortgage).
So, here are a few things that you should NEVER forget if you are running for president if you want to relate to the common person:
How many houses you own - if you can't remember this, you might be too rich
How many children you have - if you can't remember this, you probably have too many or aren't very good at parenting.
How many jobs you have - and we don't want cheesy answer from our candidates like "well, running for president feels like 5 extra jobs." No, because some people actually work 5 jobs, so you're not funny. We hate that. Just say you have one job. We don't care if you do it, but don't joke.
Why people can't tell that Clark Kent and Superman is the same person - as it was clearly explained many years ago, he changes his voice and vibrates his head ever-so-slightly so you can't clearly see that they are the same person. duh.
Now, here are some things that you can forget because we all forget these things:
How many grains of sand there are in the world - we will forgive you for not knowing that because nobody does
How many comic books you have - who can remember that? I'm sure you all have more than a thousand, so don't worry about keeping track.
What you named your kids - that's easy to forget, so it's ok if you don't remember them, but, as previously stated, you should at least know the number of kids you own. Who cares what their names are, it's not like we want to talk to them. And if we do we can just yell, "Hey! Kid of presidential candidate! Come here!" See? That works.
The fact that leeches secrete an anticoagulant called hirudin when they suck your blood - sure we all know that, but we don't expect you to remember it.
So, McCain, Obama and other candidates that nobody remembers, there are your tips for running a smooth campaign. I just don't want you to get caught with your pants down again. Well, if THAT actually happened, I'm sure you wouldn't be in the campaign anymore. And it would be pretty funny.
I'm off to run for president.
Enjoy!
-DJ
I have heard of things like "baby brain" where a woman becomes forgetful after giving birth. I have decided that there is now something called "McCain brain" where you forget about huge, important things in your life. For example, how many houses you own. It just shows how far removed our candidates are from the average person. If I were to ask anybody I know how many houses they owned, I would get the answer of either zero or one (with a mortgage).
So, here are a few things that you should NEVER forget if you are running for president if you want to relate to the common person:
How many houses you own - if you can't remember this, you might be too rich
How many children you have - if you can't remember this, you probably have too many or aren't very good at parenting.
How many jobs you have - and we don't want cheesy answer from our candidates like "well, running for president feels like 5 extra jobs." No, because some people actually work 5 jobs, so you're not funny. We hate that. Just say you have one job. We don't care if you do it, but don't joke.
Why people can't tell that Clark Kent and Superman is the same person - as it was clearly explained many years ago, he changes his voice and vibrates his head ever-so-slightly so you can't clearly see that they are the same person. duh.
Now, here are some things that you can forget because we all forget these things:
How many grains of sand there are in the world - we will forgive you for not knowing that because nobody does
How many comic books you have - who can remember that? I'm sure you all have more than a thousand, so don't worry about keeping track.
What you named your kids - that's easy to forget, so it's ok if you don't remember them, but, as previously stated, you should at least know the number of kids you own. Who cares what their names are, it's not like we want to talk to them. And if we do we can just yell, "Hey! Kid of presidential candidate! Come here!" See? That works.
The fact that leeches secrete an anticoagulant called hirudin when they suck your blood - sure we all know that, but we don't expect you to remember it.
So, McCain, Obama and other candidates that nobody remembers, there are your tips for running a smooth campaign. I just don't want you to get caught with your pants down again. Well, if THAT actually happened, I'm sure you wouldn't be in the campaign anymore. And it would be pretty funny.
I'm off to run for president.
Enjoy!
-DJ
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