24: cake

I forgot to tell you about something from my Vegas vacation. They have a cake that is 24 layers. You might think this is an awesome idea, but hold on.

It is a big chocolate cake cut into 12 slices. Then, a thin layer of chocolate filling is put between them (making 11 layers). THEN the ganache frosting is added to the top.

I want to know why there are so many layers to this cake! Couldn't they just make 2 cakes and put a lot of chocolate filling between them and have the frosting on top? Why does it have to be 24 layers? That sort of behavior makes my cake take longer to get to my table and, in turn, get into my tum-tum later. I don't like waiting for cake. Neither does my tum-tum.

If you want to try it, Neiman Marcus will let you order it. It's $100. OR, you could get a Hostess cupcake with chocolate filling and get the same thing. Canadians HAVE to get the Hostess cupcake because Neiman Marcus won't ship cake to Canada.

It has to do with the Canadian Cake Embargo Act of 1939 when Canadians started getting better candy bars than the States. President Truman had a hissy fit and made sure that the Canadians didn't get any cake from the U.S.

Yeah. Roosevelt didn't get it either. I think it had to do with time travel which was invented in 1945 by a man from the future. It's all very space-timey.

Do you know what makes me feel better after a time-paradox history lesson? Cake. Fast and easy cake.

I'm off to ganache.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

cake car

Some guy got cake smeared on his car. The police report said that it was “very moist and fresh to the touch.”

It is the fourth time that this car has been attacked by food. The moist and fresh cake, twinkies, again with twinkies, and finally with chinese food. So, the question you gotta ask is, "What did that car ever do to food?"

You see, food doesn't just randomly attack cars. I know it happens all the time in the movies, but in nature, food is docile and only attacks a car when provoked.

Maybe that will teach you a lesson about food safety.

I'm off to eat cake.

Enjoy!

-DJ

truth in advertising

A town in Croatia has elected a new mayor who PROMISES to rip the people off as much as possible. He says that he is just trying to be honest.

I guess that's not too bad, but why not find somebody who is honest AND will not rip people off? Is that possible?

Also, I don't know if this story is true. The town is called Prolozac. I'm pretty sure Prolozac is an antidepressant for people with ulcers, not a town in Croatia.

I tried to be class president in high school once. I didn't come close to winning. Maybe I should have told the students that I would take all their milk money. Instead, I told them that they should brush their teeth and learn math. I also remember putting up posters saying cake is good.

I still don't know how I lost.

I'm off to get my Prolozac prescription.

Enjoy!

-DJ

pork cake

At a wedding in England, the new couple decided that, instead of cake, they would have a 22-pound, four-tier cake/pie made out of pork.

I don't know what else to say. I now know that pork cake is cheaper than a traditional wedding cake. I also know that pork cake sounds disgusting.

Do you think they smooshed it into each other's faces? That's gross. Not just regular gross, but the kid of gross that only comes from people smearing pork products on their face.

In order to get that image out of our heads, I'm going to tell you a story.

On a sunshiny day, all the rainbows decided to come out and play. All the people in the land came out and danced on giant cakes made of sugar and frosting. Then, when everybody was done dancing on cake, we all jumped in the pools of pie! Pie-pools filled with sugary, fruit sweetness. Finally, the day was completed with movies about stuffed animals eating cupcakes and gummy bears.

The end.

Don't you feel better?

I'm off to buy normal, sugar-cake.

Enjoy!

-DJ

cake and chowder

Strange things happen to me sometimes. At least, I think they're strange.

I live in an apartment building. There are people who live around me. I call them "neighbors." I'm not really friends with any of my neighbors, but they're nice. We say "hello" in the hallway and hold the door for each other. It works out well.

Of course, when canned soup or related canned products are involved, then things start to get crazy.

I was walking to my door and my neighbor was walking to her door. We said hello and then she offered me some Manhattan clam chowder. I know she was being nice, but it's an odd offer. When's the last time somebody randomly offered you some Manhattan clam chowder?

Well that wasn't all. Since I declined the chowder, she offered me a big piece of chocolate cake. Yep. She was walking down the hall with a can of chowder and a slice of cake. On a plate.

I also declined the cake. So, maybe you've been offered a slice of cake. MAYBE you've been offered a can of chowder. BUT, when have you been offered both? NEVER! If you have, I would love to hear about it.

"Would you like some chowder?"

"No. But thank you."

"Hmmm...not a chowder fan, huh? Then maybe you are a CHOCOLATE CAKE FAN!"

I am actually not a chocolate cake fan. Angel food. With funfetti. Now THAT'S cake.

I know, she was just being nice and I appreciate that, but I didn't want to take them because I knew I wouldn't eat them and they would just sit there.

Maybe next time we say hello she'll have garlic breadsticks and fettucini alfredo. And funfetti.

I'm off to check for hallway food.

Enjoy!

-DJ

wet leaves

I was driving home from work the other day and it was starting clear up after a rainy morning. I noticed a large pile of leaves in the park and remembered how bad it was when you would jump into the pile only to find a bunch of wet leaves.

Since the sun doesn't hit all the wet leaves at the bottom of the pile, you'll look at a HUGE pile of leaves on a sunny day and think they are perfect for jumping into. Unfortunately, when you jump in, you'll find yourself with a LOT of wet spots that CAN be explained, but that NOBODY will believe.

Other things about piles of leaves are the risk of rocks and sticks. Both of them cause major childhood injuries.

Want to play a good practical joke on somebody? Bake a gigantic cake, put it under a huge pile of leaves and then wait for somebody to jump in. Then they'll have leaf-cake all over themselves! HA! Then you can give them the nickname "leaf-cake" and it will be stuck with them for life!

If you don't want to be that mean, then wait until a sunny day to rake your leaves. That gives the pile-jumpers a better chance of staying dry when they jump in and mess up your pile. You don't want those poor kids getting a nickname like "Lopez-wets-himself." That's just horrible...and kids will never stop calling you that...ever.

It's too bad leaf piles aren't made of fluffy cotton candy.

Yeah...that would be fun.

I'm off to explain this wet spot.

Enjoy!

-DJ