mother's day

It is Mother's Day in Mexico today. Or, if you prefer, Dia de las Madres.

Did you ever notice that holidays in the North American countries seem to be a day or so off from each other? Why do Canada, The U.S., and Mexico do that?

Could we not agree on the day? I guess it's not really a big deal. I just thought it would be fun to celebrate together.

If you live in the States, do you celebrate Mother's Day today even if you are originally from Mexico? Or, do you celebrate the U.S. version?

What if your mom moved to Utah from Mexico? Do you call her today? Will she be upset that you didn't call yesterday? Do you have to call BOTH days?

There are a lot of unanswered questions. The most important question I have is this: Why isn't Iron Man 2 in 3D?! Seriously?! You couldn't have done that for me?!

I ask for so little in life. Whatever. I'll still see it. But I WON'T like it.

I'm off to Utah.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

24: cake

I forgot to tell you about something from my Vegas vacation. They have a cake that is 24 layers. You might think this is an awesome idea, but hold on.

It is a big chocolate cake cut into 12 slices. Then, a thin layer of chocolate filling is put between them (making 11 layers). THEN the ganache frosting is added to the top.

I want to know why there are so many layers to this cake! Couldn't they just make 2 cakes and put a lot of chocolate filling between them and have the frosting on top? Why does it have to be 24 layers? That sort of behavior makes my cake take longer to get to my table and, in turn, get into my tum-tum later. I don't like waiting for cake. Neither does my tum-tum.

If you want to try it, Neiman Marcus will let you order it. It's $100. OR, you could get a Hostess cupcake with chocolate filling and get the same thing. Canadians HAVE to get the Hostess cupcake because Neiman Marcus won't ship cake to Canada.

It has to do with the Canadian Cake Embargo Act of 1939 when Canadians started getting better candy bars than the States. President Truman had a hissy fit and made sure that the Canadians didn't get any cake from the U.S.

Yeah. Roosevelt didn't get it either. I think it had to do with time travel which was invented in 1945 by a man from the future. It's all very space-timey.

Do you know what makes me feel better after a time-paradox history lesson? Cake. Fast and easy cake.

I'm off to ganache.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

seven feet

Strange things are afoot in Canada. There is a beach in Richmond, British Columbia where two men found a sneaker. Inside the sneaker, was a foot. Officials are working on finding the owner of said foot. (Don't they use the metric system there? So shouldn't that be a 30.48 centimeter?)

This is the seventh foot they have found on that beach in the last two years. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON UP THERE?! Who goes to the beach in Canada in October?! Doesn't winter start in September there?!

I don't know if you believe in Global Warming, but if a Canadian couple can still walk on the beach and find feet at the end of October, I'd say the world is warming up too fast.

I'm off to worry about the ice caps.

Enjoy!

-DJ

gloves for your feet

There seems to be a lot of talk these days about those Vibram Five Finger shoes. They aren't really shoes. They are like gloves for your feet. You can see each toe. And they look stupid.

I'm not one to completely care about fashion, as MANY have pointed out, but there is a point when I might say, "Do I really want feet gloves?" To which I'll answer, "NO!"

Apparently there is some sort of "science" behind this idea. They say it's better to run barefoot because that is how we evolved.

Yeah, well as much as I like nature, it didn't get EVERYTHING right.

Like the manatee. What does that do? I love manatees, but really, they look like floating rocks.

Or flamingos. Talk about NOT blending in. They're just asking to be attacked by predators! Yeah, let's stand on one leg and BE BRIGHT PINK! Nobody will find us!

Or Canadians! Sheesh! (I don't know what that means, but it's been far too long since I made fun of my friends to the north)

So if you feel inspired to run around barefoot, go for it. If you feel inspired to run around with foot-gloves, just go barefoot. Please. Nobody wants another "crocs" fad. I don't think the world can handle it.

I'm off to run with SHOES on.

Enjoy!

-DJ

ketchup or catsup

I tried ketchup potato chips yesterday. They are great. I had to smuggle them in from Canada because they are very hard to find in the states. They taste like ketchup. Like you just ate a spoonful of ketchup. It's so good.

What's up with Canada allowing so many different kinds of candy and chips to be sold everywhere? Do they have an FDA? Do people in Canada just like more snacks? Do they eat more junk food to make up for all the calories they lose from shivering?

I have so many questions, but I can't find any answers because everyone I ask can only answer in Canadian and I don't have a translator.

Vive la bouffe? What the heck are you trying to tell me?! Live the hair?!?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

I'm off to eat some ketchup chips.

Enjoy!

-DJ

canucklehead

Happy Canada Day! Did you know Canadians have fireworks going on today? Yeah...don't worry...if you hear some booms up there, they aren't attacking us.

Did you know Wolverine is Canadian? Yeah...the Hugh Jackman guy from X-Men. He's awesome. Probably the best thing to come out of Canada. He has claws... they are rad...

Anyways, I found this list for all you folks who wonder what it means to be Canadian. Wolverine is not on it.

http://101things.ca/list.php

Canadians voted on what made them what they are. Some of the things make sense like the Maple Leaf (it's on their flag) and Snow (because it doesn't stop snowing there).

Other things don't make sense to us Americans. I will try to explain them to you.

Tim Hortons: This guy Tim says "eh" all the time, so they figure he's pretty Canadian. I think he drinks a lot of coffee too...Canadian coffee.

Space Exploration: Most people would not think of Canada when it comes to space exploration, but they are actually closer to space than we are. If you go up to Canada and then keep going up, you'll hit the moon. I've done it. It hurts.

Moose / Caribou: These are mythical creatures that Canadians believe are real. No Canadian has ever been able to prove their existence, but they'll keep talking about "moose this" and "caribou that".

Celine Dion: You may have heard of her. She's actually Canadian; even though she wishes she was from America. I mean, she has a Las Vegas show. And it's not even in a Canadian-themed hotel. She's a traitor.

Finally, there are some things on the list that even I, a near-genius, cannot explain.

Bluenose: What is that? Is that supposed to mean it's cold up there? Is it a type of dolphin? I have no idea.

Banff National Park: What kind of word is Banff, anyway? That sounds like a comic book word. So...I guess I like it.

Wilderness: I don't even want to know what that is. I just don't like the sound of it. Sounds like something without tv. Not good.

I'm off to Ottawa.

Enjoy!

-DJ