naming your pet

It turns out the United States is boring when it comes to pet names. You will usually see Max or Fluffy or something. Well, in Thailand, they like to go with brand names. I never actually thought about it, but I think it's a fantastic idea.

The top three pet names in Thailand are Pepsi Cola, Corolla and Motorola. They really like the "ola" sound over there.

Some other names they like are Zyrtec, Wolverine and Steam-Fresh. You might think that Wolverine would be my favorite, but it's not. I would have to go with Steam-Fresh. Heck, I wish my name was Steam-Fresh! It sounds so cool! Of course, if you don't want to call me Steam-Fresh, you are allowed to call me Wolverine.

Because Wolverine is awesome.

I don't know why we don't name our pets after companies more often. Who wouldn't want a kitty named Hormel? Perhaps a lizard named Parkay. Maybe you could name your alpaca L'Oreal.

That sounds like a very exotic alpaca. Maybe it's a french alpaca. An alpaca who has seen the world and enjoys fine cuisine. Perhaps your alpaca wears a beret. Not because of its french heritage, but because they're comfortable and functional and your well-traveled alpaca knows about quality headwear.

I might call my pet Happy Cola. I like Happy Cola. If I didn't want to go with a brand name, I would probably call my pet King Leroy the Scandinavian Reporter. You know, to make it sound tough.

I'm off to change my name to Steam-Fresh.

Enjoy!

-DJ

happy zipper day!

Today is the birthday of the zipper! You know, that thing that closes up your jeans. Or perhaps closes your jacket.

I also found out what "YKK" means. You probably see that on the zipper tabs. It's actually a really long Japanese name and I don't think I can pronounce it correctly. Even if I tried to write it, I would probably mispronounce it. You can look it up if you want.

The zipper was patented as the "separable fastener" in 1913. Since "separable fastener" wasn't a catchy name, somebody started calling it a zipper.

Oddly enough, people didn't really dig the zipper at first. They just loved their buttons. In 1930, the zipper people spent a lot of money advertising the beauty of their separable fasteners. They probably spent more than $10. Back in 1930, $10 was a LOT of money. That's, like, 10 commercials on American Idol. Back then they had commercials on American Scat.

Scatting was huge in those days. Unfortunately, TV shows were silent, so you couldn't really hear them. You could hear the music if you had somebody playing piano in your home. And then you could read their words because the screen would keep showing you what they said on a cue card that looked all brown.

Watch a silent movie and my joke will be hilarious. Seriously, it's funny if you think about somebody scatting and then it pops up on the screen saying, "Scat bat a ratt tatt a scattery doo!"

I gotta start making jokes for people under 80...

Anyway, the zipper caught on when 1930's Ryan Seacrest started wearing pants with zippers. Before then people would fumble with buttons, which, I guess, were good enough for dress shirts, but too darned complicated for pants.

The 1930's were a strange time.

I'm off to check my separable fastener.

Enjoy!

-DJ

no more rainbows

Last week was an exciting week. For all you folks out there that sit and look at a computer all day, you will appreciate this. I got a bigger computer monitor! I know I talk on the radio, but the majority of my day is looking at a computer screen. And that experience just got gooder.

Now, I won't tell you how I got this larger screen, but trust me, you would have done the same. I'm not sure how much of it was legal, but since nobody noticed the...um..."changes"...then I'll just assume that everything is ok.

Now for the bad news. At first, it seemed like this monitor and I were meant for each other. It was bigger AND it had rainbow stickers on it. I'm not kidding. There was a little rainbow on each corner. It was beautiful.

Somebody took away my rainbows. So now I am frowning. Much like a rainbow. I don't know who did it, but hopefully a rainbow will land on their head. And perhaps a heavy cloud as well.

Who would want a world without rainbows?! That's like saying you want a world without air! Or TV! Or penguins! It just doesn't make sense!

It's a sad day for rainbow enthusiasts. And rainbow collectors. They are called arcusologists. Seriously. I may have made it up, but I used a Latin dictionary, so it's probably correct.

I'm off to find rainbow stickers.

Enjoy!

-DJ

it all makes sense

It is often said that crazy people are just smart people that nobody else can understand. Well, keep that in mind when I tell you about this story.

A UFO researcher in Mexico has found out that you don't have to worry about being abducted. Apparently, aliens don't want humans anymore. They want whales and dolphins. And there's a good reason.

Aliens started global warming to make the ocean levels rise. This is good because they are creating dolphin/human hybrids who will be able to live on this flooded planet. I like to call them huphins. Or dolphans...wait...that sounds the same...

I guess they have all the human DNA that they need. Since I have been abducted, they probably have my DNA and I'm being made into a huphin right now. How cool is that? I know, you're jealous.

I wonder if I'll eat fish when I'm a huphin? I don't like fish now, but I might not have a choice. Will I be able to write my blog? Will I have hands or flippers? Can I type with flippers? Can you type with flippers?

If I do become a huphin, I think I will change my name to Sunshine and become the host of a TV show for kids. Or baby dolphins. I guess they call them calves. I will teach calves how to share their fish and not hit each other with their flipper-hands.

It will be very educational. Maybe I'll collect coins, too. Huphins like shiny things.

I'm off to find pants that will fit over a flipper.

Enjoy!

-DJ

ban comic sans!?

I would type this in comic sans if blogspot let me. I would be doing it in rebellion. It turns out that graphic designers and people obsessed with typography HATE comic sans. Why? They seem to think it's not professional. They also think it is used too often.

Even the creator of comic sans hates it! Mostly because he invented other typefaces that nobody cares about. Like Magpie. He thinks his Magpie type is amazing.

So, there is a website to ban comic sans. Yes, somebody was so upset about the existence of comic sans that they are doing an online petition.

I don't understand the problem. I know it's not professional. I would never write an essay in this font. Who would? If you did, then you probably got a bad grade for it having an awesome font and not looking boring. That's what usually happens. Being awesome gets you bad grades. Trust me.

As you can imagine, I'm quite fond of comic sans. It came from comic books, so how could I NOT love it!?

If they want to ban comic sans, why not ban most fonts out there and just have everybody type in Times New Roman? Why do we need anything else?

If we're going to ban a typeface, why not ban wingdings! I mean, that one doesn't even type out letter! They're just random symbols!

I bet graphic designers want one typeface so they can always look creative using all the others. That's all it really is. They're just lazy. You can argue with me, but if we only had Helvetica, anytime you asked for something special from the arts department, they could whip out some comic sans and you would think they were brilliant!

Not anymore.

I'm off to type in comic sans.

Enjoy!

-DJ

watch for flying shoes

Do you remember when Bush was president? I know it was a long time ago, but try to think back. Near the end of his term, somebody threw their shoe at him. Which, in India, is a horrible insult.

Well, India will be holding their general election soon and the politicians are worried about shoe throwers. They are asking for increased security and for people to take their shoes off before a news conference. I know it's pretty offensive, but if that's all they have to worry about in India, then politics is a lot safer over there.

What would candidates be worried about here? Weapons? Maybe guns? I'm sorry India, but if somebody throws a shoe at you because they don't agree with your politics, I would move on!

One of the candidates had a slipper thrown at them. A slipper! I bet they didn't even get a bruise!

I don't really know HOW insulting the shoe-throw is, but it can't be as insulting as an anvil from an anvil-launcher. Or, maybe it can. I don't get to India much, so I really don't know.

And how can you be SURE it's an insult. What if the slipper was thrown by some lady and it had her hotel room number on it. You know...a slipper...wink wink. He should have checked it for her digits.

I guess I would have to grow up in India to understand. If anybody threw a shoe at me, I would just think, "Ooooh, free shoe!" That's the sort of positive spin that folks in India need. I'm just trying to help with world peace and all. World peace also involves pudding. I can't tell you how, yet. It's a surprise.

I'm off to secure my shoes.

Enjoy!

-DJ

free prize inside!

I have a car. It goes vroom. Well...it does when I say "VROOOOOOM!" It was in a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I did not buy the CTC, but Amanda did and she let me have the car. That was nice.

Unfortunately, I buy organic and natural cereals. They don't give me free prizes. I even buy the kiddie cereal, sometimes! I love my Kashi, but sometimes I want some Gorilla Crunch, you know what I mean? But even in Gorilla Crunch, which is mostly organic sugar, I don't get a toy!

I think more kids would eat organic cereal if they had toys in there. So I have an idea. Make toys of endangered animals out of recyclable plastic and put them in the boxes! If you already got the Arakan Forest Turtle, just put it into the recycle bin and wait for a Brazilian Merganser. Simple as that!

Granted, my Arakan Forest Turtle doesn't go vroom in the wild...but he does I slide him around the couch!

I'm off to collect some endangered animals before they disappear.

Enjoy!

-DJ