happy zipper day!

Today is the birthday of the zipper! You know, that thing that closes up your jeans. Or perhaps closes your jacket.

I also found out what "YKK" means. You probably see that on the zipper tabs. It's actually a really long Japanese name and I don't think I can pronounce it correctly. Even if I tried to write it, I would probably mispronounce it. You can look it up if you want.

The zipper was patented as the "separable fastener" in 1913. Since "separable fastener" wasn't a catchy name, somebody started calling it a zipper.

Oddly enough, people didn't really dig the zipper at first. They just loved their buttons. In 1930, the zipper people spent a lot of money advertising the beauty of their separable fasteners. They probably spent more than $10. Back in 1930, $10 was a LOT of money. That's, like, 10 commercials on American Idol. Back then they had commercials on American Scat.

Scatting was huge in those days. Unfortunately, TV shows were silent, so you couldn't really hear them. You could hear the music if you had somebody playing piano in your home. And then you could read their words because the screen would keep showing you what they said on a cue card that looked all brown.

Watch a silent movie and my joke will be hilarious. Seriously, it's funny if you think about somebody scatting and then it pops up on the screen saying, "Scat bat a ratt tatt a scattery doo!"

I gotta start making jokes for people under 80...

Anyway, the zipper caught on when 1930's Ryan Seacrest started wearing pants with zippers. Before then people would fumble with buttons, which, I guess, were good enough for dress shirts, but too darned complicated for pants.

The 1930's were a strange time.

I'm off to check my separable fastener.

Enjoy!

-DJ

christmas cards

Ok, so how boring are christmas cards. I mean, it's nice to get them from friends, but they're SO SAPPY! Picture ones aren't TOO bad because they could have a fun picture from a friend, but they still usually say something boring about love and magic and family.

BOOOOOORING!

No offense to anybody who sent me a card. I appreciate being remembered by you and I know your options are limited. The secret greeting card industry has a meeting every year on top of old Smokey to discuss the sappiness of their christmas cards. Usually nobody shows up and they just go with what they got. Well, it is covered in snow, so it's not exactly the best place for a meeting.

This year I decided to spice them up a little bit. Which, after a few of those, I got tired of being spicy so I just said Merry Christmas or something. Eh, I'm lazy. Some folks did get strange messages about popcorn and the color purple and the fact that I want a SUPER AWESOME TRICERATOPS from Santa. See yesterday's blog for details.

Why can't they make cards fun? I know you can buy some with silly phrases on them, but those aren't silly enough for me. Why can't they say stuff like, "Eat lots of cookies when you visit your grandparents because Santa said cookies are good for you and Santa doesn't like to eat cookies alone."

Or, (Front) "The recipe for a good Christmas." (Inside) "Ask for a cookie jar, then fill it with cookies, then eat the cookies, then pass out, then wake up the next morning for presents."

How about this one if you're Jewish: The front just has a picture of a ninja. The inside says, "The Hanukkah Ninja will leave you presents, but ONLY if you remember to light the menorah. If you don't, the ninja will eat all your cookies. And probably do ninja things around your house...like hit stuff with his foot and sword."

Oh well. I guess I'll just deal with good will and all that jazz. OOOOOH! How about a card done in "scat".

(Front) How do you say "Happy Holidays" like a jazz scatter?

(Inside) Scoobie do wop bop bop a shibby dibby do wop pop pop doo doo.

You should hear me sing it. It totally sounds like I'm saying Happy Holidays.

I'm off to scattara dang a boodie doop.

Enjoy!

-DJ