putting the fun in fundoshi

Ladies! The time has come for liberation! The time has come for freedom! The time has come for loincloths!

Wikipedia says that a loincloth is a male garment. I hate to use wikipedia as a reference because pretty much anybody can write on there, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't lie about this. Unfortunately, nobody has updated their loincloth page in a while because a company in Japan is making loincloths for women. To give them "freedom and release."

Loincloths, or "fundoshi" in Japanese, are the new "it" product in Japan. They come in multiple colors and designs. I don't know hot comfortable they would be if you like to wear pants, but maybe they'd be good for a skirt.

I'm pretty sure women have been upset that loincloths were strictly for men. I remember a whole chapter on it during my Women's Studies course in college. I even wrote an essay on it. It was entitled "What I Did On My Summer Vacation And Why Women Should Be Allowed To Wear Loincloths."

I got an A+++++++++++++++++++ for it. It was that good. I had pie charts and bar graphs and pictures and video and lasers and satellites and 3-D glasses. I'm surprised I'm not getting credit for creating the fundoshi since I had a conference with a Japanese company right after my report. They said they didn't like the idea. Apparently, they lied.

Or maybe none of that actually happened. I'm not sure which.

So, for $13 you can get your very own loincloth. That is 1,260 yen. If you carry yen. I do. You never know when you need to make a day trip to Japan.

I'm off to buy a loincloth.

Enjoy!

-DJ

seeing eye animals

There is a blind lady in Texas with a seeing eye animal. Normally this animal is a dog, but not for Tabitha. Nope! She has a seeing eye horse! That's right! The horse, Trixie, gets Tabitha to where she needs to go. Probably someplace that sells hay because horses like hay. And maybe the grocery store so Tabitha can eat, too.

I'm not sure if Tabitha actually rides Trixie around or is just lead around, but either way, it's pretty cool. The people in town don't seem to like it, but I think they're just jealous because they don't have a horse.

I didn't even know horses could be trained as a seeing eye animal! If I ever need one, maybe I can get an elephant. OR A SEEING EYE TRICERATOPS!

That might be hard to find, so I'll settle for something less exotic...like a tiger.

Imagine having a horse that knew how to get everywhere in town. Like the candy store. You could just tell it where to go and you don't have to pay attention. It's like a car that drives itself! I gotta get me one of those seeing eye horses.

I'm pretty sure people will say that I'm not allowed because I am not blind, but I should be allowed because I am lazy. I'm not saying blind people are lazy. I AM saying I'm lazy and want to abuse the services allowed to the blind, that's all.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

I'm off to find my guide-tiger.

Enjoy!

-DJ

ink licker

You may have heard that some big newspaper companies are having a tough time these days. The economy is really hurting them. I think that's a shame because I love newspapers. I HATE reading stuff online.

Except blogs, of course. Reading blogs online is wonderful. Please read my blog...

Anyway...since times are tough, one company has decided to save the newspaper business. With lickable ink.

That's right! They have made ink you can lick right off the page! 59% of 1.5 million lickers loved it! And 59% of people can't be wrong!

Isn't technology great? It would be awesome if you could get your newspaper in different flavors. I would get cherry.

"This is an interesting article! It seems that Antarctica is actually a large ice creature from Brooklyn! It just likes to sit down there because it's cold!"

*SSSSLLLLUUUUUURP*

"What a tasty and educational story! I love licking my paper!"

It's good to see newspapers get saved.

OOOOOOH!!!!! I just thought of something! I bet the comics section would be super fruity! All those different colors could be flavors! I'm so excited about this now!!!!!!!!

I'm off to lick my paper!

Enjoy!

-DJ

salsa bunny

I like salsa. It's so good! Of course, I'm a little weird when it comes to food. I only like certain kinds of salsa. BUT, I will try them all. I don't want to miss out on that one AMAZING salsa that I haven't tried yet.

So, I bought some of that fresh cut salsa that is in the vegetable section...which means it counts as a vegetable!

I don't know how sales are for the fresh salsa, but I don't think they are good. Because their advertising STINKS!

There is a picture of a cute little bunny WITH A GIANT CLEAVER! WHO WOULD BUY THAT?!

"Hmmm...I can't decide what salsa to get. This Scooby Doo Salsa with a cute picture of Scooby or this fresh salsa with a killer bunny. What would my kids rather eat?"

I'll tell you what they'd rather eat! Scooby Doo! Cleaver-bunny will just scare them away and they'll never eat vegetables again! And they will be afraid of bunnies forever!

What was that company thinking?!

"What do we have for our new line of fresh salsa?"

"We have two options! This cute parade of cuddly vegetables and a bunny holding a giant cleaver."

"Hmmm....I can see the appeal of cute veggies, but something in me wants to scare little children. Go with the cleaver-bunny."

"Are you sure?"

"When I say go with the killer bunny...YOU GO WITH THE KILLER, CLEAVER-BUNNY!"

I'm pretty sure that is exactly how they decided to go with the bunny. Holding a cleaver.

I'm off to eat my veggies...as long as no bunnies are around.

Enjoy!

-DJ

public transportation

I'm a fan of public transportation. It's good for the environment and it's pretty cheap, so you can't go wrong with that!

Normally, I would encourage people to use public transportation, but there is one spot that I would stay away from it.

Metropolis.

I was watching a Superman cartoon the other day and realized that NOBODY should use public transportation there. There is ALWAYS a train, monorail, or bus that is about to crash. Superman always seems to save everybody, but it's still risky. I mean, if he's fighting a big robot that smashes everything up, he could get knocked down for a second AND IN THAT SECOND, the train could come off the rails.

I would hope not, but seriously, why wouldn't you just get a car?! What if giant emu is destroying the city and eats your car? You have insurance! There HAS to be coverage for that sort of thing in Metropolis. It just makes sense.

That's all. I'm just trying to look out for the people of Metropolis. I'd hate to see anything bad happen. It's kind of like I'm saving lives...because I'm a superhero.

Sort of.

I'm off to save the world...with sound advice!

Enjoy!

-DJ

taxes stink

I did my taxes this weekend. It was not great.

I have decided that I have to become rich someday so I can pay somebody to do my taxes. That is the only reason. I realized that I hate doing my taxes and I don't ever want to do them again. Next year, somehow, I have to make enough money to pay a trained professional to do my taxes.

I DID get them all done, in case you are curious. I am also getting money back. Hopefully. Unless I did something wrong. Then I will hear from the government and they will beat me with money bags. Those tax people don't mess around.

I'm a little upset that I have to waste a stamp for my taxes, though. I mean, I just spent HOURS doing math for the government and they have the audacity to charge ME for it! Those envelopes in the tax booklets should say "no stamp needed if mailed in the U.S." But NOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm a little insulted. That's not my government working for me. That's me wasting good money. I will write an angry letter to Barack. And I will NOT put a stamp on it.

Take that tax-people.

I'm off to buy some stamps.

Enjoy!

-DJ

time to wake up

I don't know about you, but I need multiple alarm clocks to wake up in the morning. It's tough! It's really early!

I bet you sometimes have trouble waking up in the morning. Unless you don't have to do anything, then you can probably lounge around all morning. I would much rather do that.

If you do still have to wake up, I found an alarm clock that might make your day a little better. De Dietrich (which is supposed to be a person's name. I don't know if De Dietrich is male or female.) has created an alarm clock that makes coffee, pours a cup of juice and pops out a piece of yummy toast.

I don't know if it actually makes any buzzing noise to wake you up, but if you can wake up to the smell of toast, then I guess you're all set.

I can't see this waking me up. Unless it pours the coffee on my face, followed by the cup of juice and then shoots the toast at me. And it really has to fire that thing. I might not wake up with hot and cold beverages poured on me. Or, I might not wake up enough, so it may be helpful to get a rocket powered piece of toast shot at my noggin, too.

I don't think it actually does any of that, but it DOES have a little drawer for butter. Which, again, unless it is stuck up my nose, will not wake me up.

Maybe this would be enough for you. Maybe not. Do you want toast fired at your head every morning? Yes? Well then, maybe you can invent that alarm clock. The toast-shooter.

I would buy it.

I'm off to set my alarms.

Enjoy!

-DJ