robot clam

Some folks at MIT have created robot clams. They did this to dig up underwater mines. These clams will also sacrifice themselves and blow up the mines so regular clams will not have to risk their own lives.

They modeled the robots after the Atlantic razor clam, which can dig really fast. They say it can dig at a whopping centimeter per second.

Wow. That's almost as fast as an elephant running through a pool of maple syrup and scarves. And not that thin maple syrup, but the good stuff from the deep Canadian woods. And really thick scarves that are hard to walk through.

I shouldn't make fun of them because they are finding water mines. I didn't even know that there was a problem with water mines, but I guess there is enough of an issue that we need to create roboclams.

The real problem is, of course, when these clams decide to stop doing what we tell them and start fighting back. Moving at a centimeter per second, we'll barely be able to slowly stroll away in fear.

They could eventually unionize and figure out a way to dig a lot of holes and trap us humans in deep pits so they could take over the world.

Hopefully we can be saved by the robotic razor clam's natural enemy, the robotic ring-billed gull. We are on good terms with the robotic ring-billed gulls. We did sign a treaty with them in 1993 stating that we would let them be gulls if they would let us be humans.

Hopefully it won't come to that, but just in case, I'm honing my ninja skills so I can fight off a robotic razor clam invasion.

I'm off to sharpen my sword.

Enjoy!

-DJ

run like the wind

Can you run? I can't. It's hard. I've been going to the gym for a while and enjoy the elliptical. I have found out that running is WAY harder than that. I can elliptical for about 30 minutes and not have a problem. If I run for about 10 minutes I'll collapse.

I got up to 13 minutes the other day. I was pretty excited.

I decided to run because I figure running has more real world applications than ellipticalling.

For example: If an elephant starts chasing me and all I have are elliptical skills, it will probably catch me immediately and beat me with its tusk or a lead pipe or something.

If I can run, I may come across a cache of ancient samurai weapons within 7 minutes of my 13 minute limit (and 'minute limit' is also really fun to say!). Therefore, I could defend myself with a wakizashi or a naginata and possibly extend my life a little bit.

Even though elephants are trained in many forms of martial arts, I'm pretty skilled with a wakizashi.

I'm off to run.

Enjoy!

-DJ

seeing eye animals

There is a blind lady in Texas with a seeing eye animal. Normally this animal is a dog, but not for Tabitha. Nope! She has a seeing eye horse! That's right! The horse, Trixie, gets Tabitha to where she needs to go. Probably someplace that sells hay because horses like hay. And maybe the grocery store so Tabitha can eat, too.

I'm not sure if Tabitha actually rides Trixie around or is just lead around, but either way, it's pretty cool. The people in town don't seem to like it, but I think they're just jealous because they don't have a horse.

I didn't even know horses could be trained as a seeing eye animal! If I ever need one, maybe I can get an elephant. OR A SEEING EYE TRICERATOPS!

That might be hard to find, so I'll settle for something less exotic...like a tiger.

Imagine having a horse that knew how to get everywhere in town. Like the candy store. You could just tell it where to go and you don't have to pay attention. It's like a car that drives itself! I gotta get me one of those seeing eye horses.

I'm pretty sure people will say that I'm not allowed because I am not blind, but I should be allowed because I am lazy. I'm not saying blind people are lazy. I AM saying I'm lazy and want to abuse the services allowed to the blind, that's all.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

I'm off to find my guide-tiger.

Enjoy!

-DJ