that there's a space harpoon. arrrrrr

Hold onto your peglegs, space pirates! The space harpoon is coming soon!

Do you find yourself flying through space trying to catch a giant comet but failing constantly? The great minds at NASA are working to bring you the future...TODAY!

I always have a problem chasing comets. They go fast and they are hard to land on. And using a Rapala Jointed Shad 05 Lure just gets me striped bass. I don't want them, so I throw them back. Into space.

But now, with a harpoon? BOOOOOOOM! You got that comet!

I once used a harpoon to catch a rogue mountain. It was crushing ancient cities and stuff. But I caught it and it is now stuffed and mounted.

Yeah, it's a mounted mountain. (Taxidermists love that joke)

Now that NASA is looking for a few good harpoonists, I'm pretty sure they will call me up. Since I do hunt in space. And I also know how to harpoon things.

I'm also pretty good at bird calls. NASA is big on ornithology audio. (Try saying that 100 times fast!)

I think I'll actually call NASA right now to tell them that I'm ready for the job. Using bird calls.

I'm off to practice my bluethroat thrush.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

lance stardust: comet hunter

In 1999 NASA launched the space probe "Stardust." A "comet hunter" that followed a comet and sent us samples of the comet trail.

I want to be a comet hunter! I would change my name to Magnum Chase and ride a space sea horse! I could have a laser lasso that would catch comets that go rogue!

Like if a comet tied a damsel to some intergalactic train tracks! I could swoop in to save the day. With a laser lasso!

That would be awesome.

I would also only eat toast. Because I know how to make toast. Even in the frozen depths of space. Where it would stay fresh. Since it would be frozen.

I used to want to be an architect. I think I'll go for "comet hunter" instead.

Thank you Stardust. You're an inspiration.

I'm off to make toast.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

hot nasa

The International Space Station is hot! The air conditioning is on the fritz. Uh oh!

Little known fact: I considered becoming an air conditioning repair guy for NASA when I was younger. It's true! Unfortunately, that required way too much work. Now I do this. Yeah...

NASA is going to send the folks on the ISS out for a spacewalk to fix the AC.

NASA said it's like "repairing your car with all of your ski clothes on, as well as your gloves, while you are on a pair of roller skates, on top of a mountain of ice, with billy goats biting your knees, during a sandstorm, with a hundred ninjas hitting you with sticks, while fighting the Hulk, while in the jungle, trying to climb a rope with butter on it."

Okay, so they didn't say ALL of that, but I'm not going to tell you where they stopped and where I started. I just said what they were thinking.

I'm off to fix my condenser coil.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

i love nasa

Why? Because they can build light-clouds. Like a sky-firefly.

There are these clouds called noctilucent clouds that light up. They are really, REALLY high up in the sky and are visible ONLY when the sun is below the horizon. This creates a cloud that lights up EVEN AT NIGHT! How cool is that?! The earth does some pretty amazing things, right?

Well, not to be outdone by the earth, NASA decided to create their own noctilucent cloud. And they succeeded! They also accidentally succeeded in lighting up the East Coast with flashes that people thought were aliens.

Woops.

If we can make clouds that light up the sky, we won't need street lights anymore! We could save billions in electricity. Granted, it probably cost NASA billions to make one cloud, but it's still pretty cool.

Is that the only reason I love NASA? No. NASA is also sweet and caring and writes me love poems. Like this one:

"I've seen the universe
I've seen the moon
but the world is empty
without yoon."

Eh...the thought is there.

I'm off to light up the sky.

Enjoy!

-DJ

moon landings

It's been 40 years since we landed on the moon. I say we, but WE didn't actually do it. At least I didn't. Maybe you did.

It seems people at NASA aren't so great with recording things because they lost original TV transmissions of the moon landings. Yeah. That's why we always see a cruddy copy of it. NASA didn't feel that putting humans on a celestial object was all that important.

I'm glad I don't have NASA in charge of my DVR. I might miss an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. If don't get my weekly dose of SYTYCD, I get cranky. And not just adult cranky, more like a hungry baby who needs a diaper change cranky.

What were they thinking? That this would happen every day?

NASA 1: Hey, can I take one of these tapes?

NASA 2: Sure, I think it's just one of those moon landing tapes. Why do you need it?

NASA 1: I want to tape the next episode of Green Acres. It looks Hi-Lar-I-Ous!

NASA 2: I love that show! I think I'll take one of those tapes too! Stupid moon landing. Who would want to watch that again when we have Green Acres?

NASA 1: I know. LAAAAAME!

It's a good thing Buzz brought his camera phone up there or we might not have ANY video of the event. It's too bad camera phone quality wasn't as good back then. I don't know how people survived without 8.59 megapixel cameras.

I'm off to land on the moon.

Enjoy!

-DJ