president: secret identity

Did you vote?!?!?!?! Everybody is talking about this election thing! Do you want to know who I'm voting for? Are you sure? Can we still be friends after you see my choice? Ok...if you promise.

I'm voting for...ME!

Yes. I've decided that I'm the best person for the job. My running mate is my teddy bear, "The Mighty Thor," because he understands what the people need. He also has a really cute red ribbon tied in a bow around his neck. Seriously, he's adorable. I figure people would definitely vote for a teddy bear. I don't want to be friends with anybody who could look at a teddy bear in the face and say, "I'm not voting for you."

Wow...that's harsh.

I found these "secrets" about presidents. You can thank PBS for helping me with this. They are little known facts about presidents which may encourage you to run for office yourself.

So, here's a segment we'll call "Did You Know?"

Being the president can be FULL of perks. Thomas Jefferson got a 1,235-pound block of cheese from his fans. Yep. It had a note that said, "The greatest cheese in America for the greatest man in America." Melt that block up, get a few friends and tortilla chips and have a party! Melty Cheese Party!

Millard Fillmore was my kind of fellow. He decided the White House needed a bathtub. So, after years of stinky presidents, he put one in. If he's anything like me, I'm guessing he got some soothing lavender bubble bath and some toy boats and had a nice Friday night to himself. Maybe a few candles around the tubby as well. OOOOH! And a rubber ducky.

James Buchanan wasn't smart enough to get glasses, and we still voted for him. He was farsighted in one eye and nearsighted in the other. He would keep closing one of his eyes to see everything. I looked it up and found out that glasses were around LONG before he became president, so it's not like he couldn't get a pair. And look at that hair! Clearly the man didn't wear glasses.

There are a lot of other little facts, but it would take all day to make fun of all our presidents, so I'll leave that up to you.

Go out and vote for me. Then you can find out about my little secrets. Would you like to hear one? I don't know...it might ruin my chances of winning the election.

Ok...I have a bullet in my shoulder from the Revolutionary War.

Wait...that's not me. That's James Monroe. Close enough!

I'm off to vote for me!

Enjoy!

-DJ