I'm almost done with these vacation stories, so if you're bored of them, it's almost over. The action really starts to pick up here, though!
On the last day, we got to the airport and found out our flight was delayed a few hours. That caused us to miss our connecting flight in Charlotte. I'll get to that later, though. First, I had to go through customs. Where they were adamant that I rode a horse.
TSA: "Did you ride a horse at all?
Me: "No."
TSA: "Do you have anything to declare?"
Me: "I declare that I am awesome."
TSA: "Okay. And did your awesomeness ride a horse?"
Me: "Uh...no."
TSA: "No food or anything?"
Me: "Nope."
TSA: "Finally, are you going to the USA and did you ride a horse?"
Me: "I am going to the USA and I did not ride a horse."
TSA: "You're free to go. Perhaps you will ride a horse to the gate?"
Me: "I will walk to the gate."
TSA: "Have a great horse-riding day!"
Me: "I don't ride horses!"
After riding a horse to my gate, I decided to do a little shopping at the Duty Free stores. They must have known I was coming because they had a HUGE cheese wheel for my plane trip. What can I say? I get hungry when I'm flying!
I can't imagine somebody buying a giant chunk of cheese for a flight home. It was the size of my head. They also had smoked meat. Can you imagine being on a 4-hour flight and somebody whips out a cheese wheel and meat?
At least they give you enough to share with everybody on the plane.
Be here tomorrow for the hair episode. It's a good one.
I'm off to ride my horse into the sunset and hanker for a hunk of cheese.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Showing posts with label cheese. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheese. Show all posts
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
fond du lac
What's up with Fond du Lac, Wisconsin? I don't really get this city, and yet, it is constantly in the news for all sorts of weird stories.
The city is pretty famous for having a lot of lottery winners. They also have odd news stories like the most recent one about somebody wearing a monkey suit and stealing bananas.
Here's my theory: Fond du Lac is fake. They say it is near a lake called Lake Winnebago. Seriously? I'm supposed to believe they named a lake after a motor home company? I don't think so.
Also, they are proud to say they are the home of Dan Gorske. He is a Big Mac enthusiast. Do you see what I'm saying? Is there REALLY such a thing as a Big Mac enthusiast?
It is rumored to be the location for the Walleye Weekend. Now, I never saw that movie, but I'm pretty sure that Walleye was a fictional robot invented by Pixar last year and could NOT have been around in 1978 when this festival SUPPOSEDLY started.
Clearly this is a made up town by somebody who overdosed on cheese. It is documented that when people eat way too much cheese, they create whole new realities for themselves and never want to leave. I guess a lot of people in Wisconsin have eaten a lot of cheese.
Mass hallucination.
So there's your lesson. Don't eat too much cheese.
Oh, and if you are from Fond du Lac and you are reading this. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are imaginary. I'm sorry, but it's true.
I'm off to tell 43,460 people where they really live.
Enjoy!
-DJ
The city is pretty famous for having a lot of lottery winners. They also have odd news stories like the most recent one about somebody wearing a monkey suit and stealing bananas.
Here's my theory: Fond du Lac is fake. They say it is near a lake called Lake Winnebago. Seriously? I'm supposed to believe they named a lake after a motor home company? I don't think so.
Also, they are proud to say they are the home of Dan Gorske. He is a Big Mac enthusiast. Do you see what I'm saying? Is there REALLY such a thing as a Big Mac enthusiast?
It is rumored to be the location for the Walleye Weekend. Now, I never saw that movie, but I'm pretty sure that Walleye was a fictional robot invented by Pixar last year and could NOT have been around in 1978 when this festival SUPPOSEDLY started.
Clearly this is a made up town by somebody who overdosed on cheese. It is documented that when people eat way too much cheese, they create whole new realities for themselves and never want to leave. I guess a lot of people in Wisconsin have eaten a lot of cheese.
Mass hallucination.
So there's your lesson. Don't eat too much cheese.
Oh, and if you are from Fond du Lac and you are reading this. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are imaginary. I'm sorry, but it's true.
I'm off to tell 43,460 people where they really live.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
dropping the snow ball
Tonight, things are dropped to signify midnight. Why is midnight so special? I don't know. I think it has to do with some vampire books or something. Oh wait...that's twilight, not midnight. Oh, whatever...
This year, I'm going to drop my head to my pillow to celebrate midnight. I can't guarantee that it will happen at midnight and not 9:30, but that's practically the same time.
Did you know that there are places outside of my bedroom that also drop "stuff"?
In Lebanon, Pennsylvania you can see bologna. Yep. They drop a seven-foot piece of bologna. AND, if you pick it up within 5 seconds, you can eat it. (5-second rule!)
The folks in Wisconsin drop a hunk of cheese. Same rules apply.
Now, if we could just get Indianapolis (the home of Wonder bread, of course) to drop a few giant slices of bread, we could have a sandwich! A giant midnight bologna and cheese sandwich! Vampires would love that!
Maybe you should find something to drop. I dropped my keys this morning. I think that happened around 4:44am. That's pretty much the same as dropping a ball at midnight. I'll call that my celebration. It was a rockin' party. You totally missed out on it. I can barely keep my eyes open...not because I'm tired from lack of sleep BUT because I danced so much...at 4:44am this morning. Yeah...
I'm off to drop the ball.
Enjoy!
-DJ
This year, I'm going to drop my head to my pillow to celebrate midnight. I can't guarantee that it will happen at midnight and not 9:30, but that's practically the same time.
Did you know that there are places outside of my bedroom that also drop "stuff"?
In Lebanon, Pennsylvania you can see bologna. Yep. They drop a seven-foot piece of bologna. AND, if you pick it up within 5 seconds, you can eat it. (5-second rule!)
The folks in Wisconsin drop a hunk of cheese. Same rules apply.
Now, if we could just get Indianapolis (the home of Wonder bread, of course) to drop a few giant slices of bread, we could have a sandwich! A giant midnight bologna and cheese sandwich! Vampires would love that!
Maybe you should find something to drop. I dropped my keys this morning. I think that happened around 4:44am. That's pretty much the same as dropping a ball at midnight. I'll call that my celebration. It was a rockin' party. You totally missed out on it. I can barely keep my eyes open...not because I'm tired from lack of sleep BUT because I danced so much...at 4:44am this morning. Yeah...
I'm off to drop the ball.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
president: secret identity
Did you vote?!?!?!?! Everybody is talking about this election thing! Do you want to know who I'm voting for? Are you sure? Can we still be friends after you see my choice? Ok...if you promise.
I'm voting for...ME!
Yes. I've decided that I'm the best person for the job. My running mate is my teddy bear, "The Mighty Thor," because he understands what the people need. He also has a really cute red ribbon tied in a bow around his neck. Seriously, he's adorable. I figure people would definitely vote for a teddy bear. I don't want to be friends with anybody who could look at a teddy bear in the face and say, "I'm not voting for you."
Wow...that's harsh.
I found these "secrets" about presidents. You can thank PBS for helping me with this. They are little known facts about presidents which may encourage you to run for office yourself.
So, here's a segment we'll call "Did You Know?"
Being the president can be FULL of perks. Thomas Jefferson got a 1,235-pound block of cheese from his fans. Yep. It had a note that said, "The greatest cheese in America for the greatest man in America." Melt that block up, get a few friends and tortilla chips and have a party! Melty Cheese Party!
Millard Fillmore was my kind of fellow. He decided the White House needed a bathtub. So, after years of stinky presidents, he put one in. If he's anything like me, I'm guessing he got some soothing lavender bubble bath and some toy boats and had a nice Friday night to himself. Maybe a few candles around the tubby as well. OOOOH! And a rubber ducky.
James Buchanan wasn't smart enough to get glasses, and we still voted for him. He was farsighted in one eye and nearsighted in the other. He would keep closing one of his eyes to see everything. I looked it up and found out that glasses were around LONG before he became president, so it's not like he couldn't get a pair. And look at that hair! Clearly the man didn't wear glasses.
There are a lot of other little facts, but it would take all day to make fun of all our presidents, so I'll leave that up to you.
Go out and vote for me. Then you can find out about my little secrets. Would you like to hear one? I don't know...it might ruin my chances of winning the election.
Ok...I have a bullet in my shoulder from the Revolutionary War.
Wait...that's not me. That's James Monroe. Close enough!
I'm off to vote for me!
Enjoy!
-DJ
I'm voting for...ME!
Yes. I've decided that I'm the best person for the job. My running mate is my teddy bear, "The Mighty Thor," because he understands what the people need. He also has a really cute red ribbon tied in a bow around his neck. Seriously, he's adorable. I figure people would definitely vote for a teddy bear. I don't want to be friends with anybody who could look at a teddy bear in the face and say, "I'm not voting for you."
Wow...that's harsh.
I found these "secrets" about presidents. You can thank PBS for helping me with this. They are little known facts about presidents which may encourage you to run for office yourself.
So, here's a segment we'll call "Did You Know?"
Being the president can be FULL of perks. Thomas Jefferson got a 1,235-pound block of cheese from his fans. Yep. It had a note that said, "The greatest cheese in America for the greatest man in America." Melt that block up, get a few friends and tortilla chips and have a party! Melty Cheese Party!
Millard Fillmore was my kind of fellow. He decided the White House needed a bathtub. So, after years of stinky presidents, he put one in. If he's anything like me, I'm guessing he got some soothing lavender bubble bath and some toy boats and had a nice Friday night to himself. Maybe a few candles around the tubby as well. OOOOH! And a rubber ducky.
James Buchanan wasn't smart enough to get glasses, and we still voted for him. He was farsighted in one eye and nearsighted in the other. He would keep closing one of his eyes to see everything. I looked it up and found out that glasses were around LONG before he became president, so it's not like he couldn't get a pair. And look at that hair! Clearly the man didn't wear glasses.
There are a lot of other little facts, but it would take all day to make fun of all our presidents, so I'll leave that up to you.
Go out and vote for me. Then you can find out about my little secrets. Would you like to hear one? I don't know...it might ruin my chances of winning the election.
Ok...I have a bullet in my shoulder from the Revolutionary War.
Wait...that's not me. That's James Monroe. Close enough!
I'm off to vote for me!
Enjoy!
-DJ
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