hybrid sharks are only the beginning

Hybrid sharks have been found in Australia! The "official" story is that some sharks who like cold water have mated with sharks who like warm water. Because of climate change, the water is getting warmer everywhere, so they are creating mutant sharks that can live in medium-temperature water!

Once sharks learn how to swim in medium temperatures, you KNOW what comes next! Sharks who walk on land and wear razor-tipped bowler hats and have fins that shoot fire!

Hopefully the next stage of human evolution makes us razor-proof. And maybe we can shoot fire-extinguisher stuffs from our fingers.

Let's hope other animals don't learn how to live in comfortable temperatures. I mean, what will happen if polar bears learn how to live in 70-degree weather?

That's right! Telekinesis!

They might already be here. You never know. The person next to you RIGHT NOW could be a polar bear. I hear they shave themselves to blend in.

Make some seal noises. If they start to look hungry...RUN!

I would suggest making seal noises around everybody you see today. Just to be safe.

And please tell me where you will be doing this. I would like to watch. For scientific and safety reasons.

Not to laugh. I swear.

I'm off to watch you act sealy.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

shark week again

Shark Week is happening again. That's cool. People seem to like that. They've been doing it for over 20 years.

Sharks are cool. They have lots of teeth. Which is good if you like gum.

There should be a Unicorn Week! Now THAT would be cool! You could put me in a cage and drop me into Pink Fairyland so I could observe the unicorn in its natural habitat!

I know the dangers. Glitter storms. Lightning sand. Gummy swamps.

But it does not matter! I WILL succeed!

For Unicorn Week! And Beyond!

I'm off to pack my bags.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

dancing dangers

There's a club in Austin with a fancy dance floor that you've probably never seen before. It is a 20,000 gallon tank with sharks in it! It has blacktip reef sharks, leopard sharks and four species of stingrays. And you get to dance above them!

Some people are unhappy about this. I don't know why. It's a well known fact that sharks love dancing. Have you ever seen them wiggle around in the water? It looks like they have music going on in their head all the time. They're probably mixing beats as they swim.

I bet if you gave a shark two turntables and microphone, it would show you where it's at.

And stingrays! Their pectoral fins flow like a sine wave! Put some glow sticks on those fins and it will look like you just entered a rave!

So there you go. It's actually more crueler to keep sharks in the ocean than in the dance floor. And I hate it when people are more crueler.

Seriously, you can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart. This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing with the sharks.

And possibly in the dark.

I'm off to work on my sine wave.

Enjoy!

-DJ