space program

In space, everybody can smell your breath. Or so I'm told. By China.

China has some strict rules for their astronauts. If you want to get up to that space station in the sky, you must NOT have bad breath. And that is only one of their requirements.

Some of the other rules are that you cannot have a runny nose, no scars, and no cavities. They also said that your wife has to allow you to go. Implying that women aren't allowed in space.

Why? Well, we all know how it is in space. If you were a woman with a runny nose, scars and cavities, you might...um...scare...uh...I don't know. There's nothing up there! Do they think some alien life form (or ALF, as the government calls them) won't talk to you if you have scars? Aliens might love a good scar story!

Female Astronaut: Hello ALF!

ALF: I'm not talking to you.

Female Astronaut: Why not?

ALF: You have a scar. And a cavity. And you are a woman.

Female Astronaut: Yeah, but you should hear the story about how I got the scar! It involves a samurai and a pile of waffles!

ALF: (holding his hand in front of her face) See this? This is me not talking to you.

Female Astronaut: Jerk.

And that is why China is leading the way in space travel! They know how it is up there! You have a degree in space travel? WHO CARES! You didn't brush your teeth enough! OUT!

I like brushing my teeth.

I'm off to apply for a job in the Australian space program. They'll take just about anybody.

Enjoy!

-DJ

do not eat tin foil

If you have metal fillings, do not eat tin foil. It seems like a strange comment, but it's a lesson I learned a few years and I am still a little scarred.

I don't even like using tin foil because of the trauma.

Just thinking about it again makes my jaw tingle. And not in a good way. Good jaw tingle is when you think about how great lemons taste, but bad jaw tingle is when you get an electric shock in your head.

I checked it out online and it looks like that is what happens. Tin foil and saliva and metal fillings create electricity and that electricity will shock your head.

I don't know why I tried it. I think somebody told me that a shock would happen and I had to find out if they were telling the truth. Now, you might think I was a child when this happened because kids do stuff like that all the time.

I was an adult. And I still had to do it. Some people never learn. I am one of those people.

I'm off to check a 9-volt battery with my tongue.

Enjoy!

-DJ