In space, everybody can smell your breath. Or so I'm told. By China.
China has some strict rules for their astronauts. If you want to get up to that space station in the sky, you must NOT have bad breath. And that is only one of their requirements.
Some of the other rules are that you cannot have a runny nose, no scars, and no cavities. They also said that your wife has to allow you to go. Implying that women aren't allowed in space.
Why? Well, we all know how it is in space. If you were a woman with a runny nose, scars and cavities, you might...um...scare...uh...I don't know. There's nothing up there! Do they think some alien life form (or ALF, as the government calls them) won't talk to you if you have scars? Aliens might love a good scar story!
Female Astronaut: Hello ALF!
ALF: I'm not talking to you.
Female Astronaut: Why not?
ALF: You have a scar. And a cavity. And you are a woman.
Female Astronaut: Yeah, but you should hear the story about how I got the scar! It involves a samurai and a pile of waffles!
ALF: (holding his hand in front of her face) See this? This is me not talking to you.
Female Astronaut: Jerk.
And that is why China is leading the way in space travel! They know how it is up there! You have a degree in space travel? WHO CARES! You didn't brush your teeth enough! OUT!
I like brushing my teeth.
I'm off to apply for a job in the Australian space program. They'll take just about anybody.
Enjoy!
-DJ
Showing posts with label ALF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ALF. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Thursday, August 21, 2008
the collector
So, yesterday I talked about my sticker collection. It wasn't really a collection, but it kinda counts. It was like a toy chest and it just had stickers all over it. I imagine there are people out there who had real collections that involved pages of stickers in a particular order.
Page 12: Rainbow Horses
Page 26: Puffy Stars
Page 33: White Unicorns
Page 47: Shimmery Dolphins
Page 75: Lemon Scratch 'n' Sniff
And so on and so forth. My sticker collection was a little less organized.
Me: OOOOH!!! I have a Transformers Sticker! (then I would put it on the chest)
That was it. Not very organized. I did also collect ALF Cards. That was a little bit more organized because they were numbered. The ALF cards were not very creative. They were just pictures from the show with random bits of information on the back about the show.
I also collected McDonald's toys. I had a LOT of those. This was back before everything they gave away HAD to tie in with a movie. I had great stuff from them that were just their own characters. I had little McNugget Men and Lunch Boxes that had the characters on it. I even had a red Ronald spoon. And about a million other toys from them.
I'm sure I collected a bunch of other things, but I spent too much time organizing ALF cards to remember it all.
Then I got older and realized that it was time to stop collecting silly toys, so I started buying comic books. They're easy to organize because they are numbered and they smell good. The smelling good part has nothing to do with organizing them, but it has everything to do with how awesome they are.
I'm sure you collected something when you were younger. I'd love to hear about it. Some people collect stamps. Some people collect coins. Some people collect children. Some people collect rocks. Some people collect hair. Whatever it may be, let me know!
I'm off to check out page 33 (with 47 a close second and 75 third...then back to 33).
Enjoy!
-DJ
Page 12: Rainbow Horses
Page 26: Puffy Stars
Page 33: White Unicorns
Page 47: Shimmery Dolphins
Page 75: Lemon Scratch 'n' Sniff
And so on and so forth. My sticker collection was a little less organized.
Me: OOOOH!!! I have a Transformers Sticker! (then I would put it on the chest)
That was it. Not very organized. I did also collect ALF Cards. That was a little bit more organized because they were numbered. The ALF cards were not very creative. They were just pictures from the show with random bits of information on the back about the show.
I also collected McDonald's toys. I had a LOT of those. This was back before everything they gave away HAD to tie in with a movie. I had great stuff from them that were just their own characters. I had little McNugget Men and Lunch Boxes that had the characters on it. I even had a red Ronald spoon. And about a million other toys from them.
I'm sure I collected a bunch of other things, but I spent too much time organizing ALF cards to remember it all.
Then I got older and realized that it was time to stop collecting silly toys, so I started buying comic books. They're easy to organize because they are numbered and they smell good. The smelling good part has nothing to do with organizing them, but it has everything to do with how awesome they are.
I'm sure you collected something when you were younger. I'd love to hear about it. Some people collect stamps. Some people collect coins. Some people collect children. Some people collect rocks. Some people collect hair. Whatever it may be, let me know!
I'm off to check out page 33 (with 47 a close second and 75 third...then back to 33).
Enjoy!
-DJ
Friday, June 27, 2008
the last son of...melmac
I was reading an article about all those new sites that stream old tv shows. Now, I've been known to watch some tv shows online when I forget to record them or maybe I'm just bored and want to see if the show is any good. I've also bought a few tv shows on DVD because I like them so much that I want to watch them over and over and over again. But, I can't find the time to watch that much tv. I mean, I have comic books to read, plays to act in, candy to eat, planets to save and lions to tame. It's a busy life.
I saw that one of the sites has every episode of ALF on there. Wow...if that isn't just the greatest thing in the world, I don't know what is! I LOVED that show when I was a kid. I actually think that is why I quit acting when I was little.
In the 3rd grade, I was in a production of Oliver. I was a dancing/singing orphan and pickpocket. The problem was that rehearsals were on ALF night. As you may know, I'm pretty whiney. Well, imagine me younger and whinier. Yeah...it was not pretty.
Me: I wanna watch ALF!
Director: But you have to practice you dance moves.
Me: But my Ghostbusters blanket is at home on the couch! And my ALF is on the TV!
Director: Wouldn't you rather entertain the community with your wonderful singing?
Me: I'd rather you buy a tv for me so I can watch ALF instead of telling me to say "Please, Sir. Can I have some more?" Seriously? I don't want any gruel! I want candy!
Director: How would you like a punch in the face?
Me: ...what are the dance moves again...
I was an annoying little brat, wasn't I? Yes I was. It's a good thing I had understanding directors.
So, that's probably why I ended my acting career at such a young age. I was so scarred from missing ALF that I quit (except for a short stint as "Lazy" in the 4th grade production of "The New Year"...trust me, you don't want to know). After years of counseling, I was able to take it up again about a year ago. The audience isn't happy about that, but I am.
I'm off to practice my songs...."Fooooood, glorious foooooood!"
Enjoy!
-DJ
I saw that one of the sites has every episode of ALF on there. Wow...if that isn't just the greatest thing in the world, I don't know what is! I LOVED that show when I was a kid. I actually think that is why I quit acting when I was little.
In the 3rd grade, I was in a production of Oliver. I was a dancing/singing orphan and pickpocket. The problem was that rehearsals were on ALF night. As you may know, I'm pretty whiney. Well, imagine me younger and whinier. Yeah...it was not pretty.
Me: I wanna watch ALF!
Director: But you have to practice you dance moves.
Me: But my Ghostbusters blanket is at home on the couch! And my ALF is on the TV!
Director: Wouldn't you rather entertain the community with your wonderful singing?
Me: I'd rather you buy a tv for me so I can watch ALF instead of telling me to say "Please, Sir. Can I have some more?" Seriously? I don't want any gruel! I want candy!
Director: How would you like a punch in the face?
Me: ...what are the dance moves again...
I was an annoying little brat, wasn't I? Yes I was. It's a good thing I had understanding directors.
So, that's probably why I ended my acting career at such a young age. I was so scarred from missing ALF that I quit (except for a short stint as "Lazy" in the 4th grade production of "The New Year"...trust me, you don't want to know). After years of counseling, I was able to take it up again about a year ago. The audience isn't happy about that, but I am.
I'm off to practice my songs...."Fooooood, glorious foooooood!"
Enjoy!
-DJ
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