labelman

I saw that the government has a new superhero. Yeah. They call him "Labelman!" That's how I know it's a boy. The "man" part. Labelman is here to save the day from obesity and indigestion by telling kids to read the Nutrition Facts on the food they eat.

Unfortunately, kids probably won't find Labelman because there is no advertising budget and if you do an internet search for Labelman, make sure you put in "FDA" or you won't find him. If you do find him, you'll see that the government also decided to save money by having an intercompany contest to actually create Labelman instead of hiring an advertising agency or even an artist.

There was probably a poster on the corkboard of the FDA's lunchroom that went something like this:

"Tired of the FBI and CIA getting all the attention? Want to be the envy of everyone at 5600 Fisher Lane? Want to win a jar full of JELLY BEANS? Well it's your chance to create a superhero who can fight the most evil villain in the world: OBESITY!

This will be the biggest thing to happen to the FDA since we were formed in 1906. Well, except maybe for that time when we got the power to stop people from selling radioactive beverages, but that was so long ago that it's not really important anymore.

Remember, you can win A WHOLE JAR OF JELLY BEANS!

Here's what you have to do:

Create a superhero to teach children about healthy eating,

Submit you drawings with your name and badge number,

Wait patiently for approval from the president,

Then, one of you will win JELLY BEANS!

Get to it you crazy, creative FDA maniacs!

Did we mention JELLY BEANS!"

I make fun of the FDA for a reason. Labelman is basically a rectangle with arms, legs and a face. On the body of said rectangle is a picture of the Nutrition Facts that you see on food. That's it. He's a Nutrition Facts label with human features. Oh, and his eyebrows float above his eyes. I don't know what they're attached to, but they seem work just fine. It also looks like he blinks upward. It's hard to explain, but his eyes are half closed with the bottom lids going up. I don't quite get it.

You're right. I shouldn't make fun of the person who made Labelman. I admit that if I were asked to make a character, it would have probably been a stick figure with a word bubble above its head that said, "Hey Kids! Don't eat junk! Eat healthy food!"

I also would have handed that in to the president in an attempt to win the jar full of jelly beans.

So remember, when the world is at risk from high sugar and saturated fat, Labelman will come and save the day with high fiber and protein.

I'm off to read my nutrition facts.

Enjoy!

-DJ