columbus

Wow! It's Columbus Day! If you are a kid, you probably have school off. If you are an adult, then you probably still have to work. I remember being a kid and thinking Columbus was awesome for finding America and giving me a day off. Now that I know the whole story, I'm still glad we celebrate it because it reminds me that my brother's birthday is coming up. It's right before Columbus Day.

Do you know why we have huge sales during Columbus Day? It's because Chris was a shrewd business man. When he convinced the king and queen to give him cash to sail across the ocean, he wanted to become "Admiral of the Ocean Sea" and have the option of buying one-eighth interest in any commercial venture in the new lands AND receive one-eighth of the profits. Yeah, the royal folk agreed to this deal because they didn't think he would make it back alive. Clearly there was no IQ test to become a ruler in those days. Hmmm...these days either...

Oh, and they called the Atlantic Ocean the "Ocean Sea" in 1492 because they weren't terribly creative and it was a better name than what they called it one hundred years before. In 1392 it was called "Not Solid Land With Fish In It Place." That was a pain to put on maps, so "Ocean Sea" was chosen.

Columbus sailed across the ocean on the Santa, the Pinto and the Ave Maria. And no, Santa was not on the ship, but they did have presents for people of the new land. Now, Columbus wasn't a very bright man. It's true. He actually thought the Earth was WAY smaller than it really is. He figured a short trip would get him to the Indies. Instead, he bumped into North America. Woops.

He landed in Spangler, Pennsylvania and was so inspired by his journey and the new land that he decided to write and direct amazing movies like Gremlins, Adventures in Babysitting, Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

The Canadians LOVED his movies so much that they decided to make it their Thanksgiving. They especially like to give thanks for Columbus making Macaulay Culkin such a huge star.

There you go. Now you know why Columbus Day/Canadian Thanksgiving is celebrated every year. So, to celebrate, don't go to school and buy Mrs. Doubtfire at great sale price. And wish my brother a belated birthday if you want.

I'm off to be the Admiral of the Bathtub Ocean Sea...now where's my rubber ducky...er...I mean Commander Duckson.

Enjoy!

-DJ