watching traffic

I was driving on 91 yesterday and saw a loveseat on the side of the highway. I also saw a deer. But the loveseat was more exciting, so I decided to talk about that instead.

I can understand that some people might feel that watching traffic is more entertaining than TV these days, but is it legal to put a loveseat on the highway?

What's the strangest thing you've ever seen on the side of the road? I guess a loveseat isn't too strange. If the deer was sitting on the loveseat drinking a root beer waving to the cars passing by, that would have been strange.

That wasn't happening, but I kinda wish it had.

Looking up to make sure that loveseat was one word and not two, I found out there are websites dedicated the loveseats. I don't know if that's stranger than a deer drinking root beer or not.

I'm off to love my seat.

Enjoy!

-DJ

internet lost

I lost the internet at home. I can't find it. I don't know what happened to it. It just went "poof!"

I looked everywhere. In the phone jack. Under the microwave. Even under the chair. Nothing.

I had to call in a professional. Unfortunately, the professionals don't have specific times when they can come find my internet. They can come someday Monday-Friday between 9 and 5. If I am not home when they come, I will have to make a new appointment.

Is it really an appointment with such a broad spectrum of time? Maybe I shouldn't bother.

I'll just go back to mailing letters instead of email. I'll tell everybody around me what I'm doing instead of twitter. I'll actually grow rice instead of farmville. I'll watch TV instead of youtube.

Maybe I'll even go outside!

Okay, I probably won't do that. Weird stuff happens when I go outside.

I'm off to go back to the stone age.

Enjoy!

-DJ

summer hike

I saw Santa the other day. He was hiking through West Springfield.

How did I know he was hiking? He had a large hiking stick. And he was wearing hiking clothes. I think he was hiking for car parts because he was standing in front of a car parts store. I don't know what Santa needs car parts for. Especially since he is such an avid hiker. Maybe he was doing some shopping for you.

I wanted to ask him for stuff, but I was in my car and didn't have a good spot to turn around. He was probably tired from hiking, anyway. Still, it would have been nice to get my requests in early. I know it might take a while to build a giant robot dinosaur, so I don't want him to feel rushed.

I also didn't have my list prepared. It's not like I was expecting him to hike through town in the summer.

Did you see him hiking the other day? Did you give him your list? Lucky. You're always prepared, aren't you. Fine. Maybe you'll get your giant robot dinosaur and I'll just get a dolphin.

Again.

You don't have to be such a showoff.

I'm off to get my list ready.

Enjoy!

-DJ

dear appendix

Did you hear the news?! The appendix is the biggest thing to hit humans since the thumb! An immunologist is telling us the appendix isn't useless, but actually use FULL!

They are saying that good bacteria would chill out in the appendix and come out when needed. Take that liver!

I've always been a fan of the appendix. I think my appendix bursted a few years ago, but I told the doctors to leave it in.

Actually, that's not true. I do think it burst, but I can't afford medical bills, so I didn't go to the doctor.

Okay, so it might have been a stomach ache, but I'm pretty sure my appendix burst. It hurt. A lot. For, like, a day.

Treasure the appendix! I love the appendix so much that I wrote it a letter:

Dear appendix,

I love you.

love,

your host body

I'm off to vestigial organ.

Enjoy!

-DJ

something smells different

I think I smell different. I don't mean that my nose is confused, but my actual body odor. I don't like it.

I got used to my old smell. Now it's different. Can that happen? It started a few weeks ago. I really don't know why.

I want my old smell back. I also want a tiger. I wonder if a tiger would like my new smell better than my old smell. Maybe my smell changed because I'm supposed to get a tiger.

I like that idea. Tigers are cool. They go "roar."

I'm off to smell myself.

Enjoy!

-DJ

heavy fish

A new report said that every fish tested in these United States has mercury in it. Not just a high percentage. Every. Single. One.

If it makes you feel any better, only 25% of them have mercury levels so high that they are unsafe to eat. So you have a 75% chance of only poisoning yourself a little bit.

Don't eat fish. I don't really care about the mercury. Fish just taste NASTY! It's like eating solid salt water. I don't like licking the ocean. Maybe mercury would actually make fish taste better, but I doubt it. Unless mercury tastes like sugar.

I remember once in high school we got a vial of mercury. It was cool because it was really heavy. AND it is a metal that is a liquid at room temperature! How cool is that! No wonder fish eat it all the time. I would have, but the vial was sealed shut.

I thought it might give me super powers. Maybe make me faster. (that's a mercury joke Latin students will get)

I'm off to NOT eat fish.

Enjoy!

-DJ

no water

Last week the town informed me that I would be without water from 10pm to 4am. So I prepared. I filled the bathtub and a bunch of bottles with water.

The next morning I woke up with a working shower and thought that they finished early. I was happy.

Last night, I got home and saw that there was construction happening. It seems they postponed their work a week. And didn't tell me.

I tried the water. No luck. Then I brushed my teeth and tried the water again. SUCCESS!!!!! I knew I had to work fast, so I started to fill the tub and water bottles. I only got two bottles full and about an inch of water in the bathtub before the water was gone again.

This morning, that inch of water was cold. So I had a shiver bath this morning. It's not as fun as it sounds.

And my hair isn't perfect.

Otherwise, the day is going great! Just call me Mr. Positive!

I'm off to shower...finally.

Enjoy!

-DJ